So I’m F19 and my mom is F42 and we have been going back and forth for months on what I’m going to be majoring in. She really wants me to major in a “girly major” and I don’t want to. Recently, she brought up the fact that engineering majors start balding from stress. And has been sending me every single video she can find of a man balding before and after becoming an engineering major. I told I don’t care and that if I go bald at least I can buy a wig.
My mom got very offended because as a child she did everything she possibly could to make sure my hair was long. I think she was living through me as she had cancer and lost all her hair. She told me that if I didn’t change my major she would tell my dad M49 to not pay for my college. I got really mad and stopped talking to her for about two weeks and she finally gave up on trying to change my mind. So I thought.
Three days later she decides to try and shave my hair at night. The razor tool she was using was really loud, especially at night so obviously I woke up. I screamed her, threw a pillow at her, and cussed at her for the first time in my life. I basically unleashed on her, for past things she’s done to try and get me to do what she wants, and for everything I’ve held in. She started crying and told my dad. My dad think I shouldn’t have spoken to my mother that way and is now contemplating only paying half of my tuition to “teach me a lesson”.
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Backup of the post’s body: So I’m F19 and my mom is F42 and we have been going back and forth for months on what I’m going to be majoring in. She really wants me to major in a “girly major” and I don’t want to. Recently, she brought up the fact that engineering majors start balding from stress. And has been sending me every single video she can find of a man balding before and after becoming an engineering major. I told I don’t care and that if I go bald at least I can buy a wig.
My mom got very offended because as a child she did everything she possibly could to make sure my hair was long. I think she was living through me as she had cancer and lost all her hair. She told me that if I didn’t change my major she would tell my dad M49 to not pay for my college. I got really mad and stopped talking to her for about two weeks and she finally gave up on trying to change my mind. So I thought.
Three days later she decides to try and shave my hair at night. The razor tool she was using was really loud, especially at night so obviously I woke up. I screamed her, threw a pillow at her, and cussed at her for the first time in my life. I basically unleashed on her, for past things she’s done to try and get me to do what she wants, and for everything I’ve held in. She started crying and told my dad. My dad think I shouldn’t have spoken to my mother that way and is now contemplating only paying half of my tuition to “teach me a lesson”.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
That’s crazy, apply for some scholarships! Make an escape plan
That’s assault.
NTA Get a job and move out. Then apply for financial aid, look into scholarships. Go no contact with your parents.
Your mother tried to shave your hair when you were sleeping? That’s assault call the police.
NTA.
My dad was an engineer & still had a full head of hair when he passed away at the age of 89.
OP’s mom is bat shite crazy.
Cutting someone’s hair against their wishes is assault you could call the police on her and get her charged. Nta but your mother sure is.
Your parents both suck, is there anyone sane in your family you can stay with for a while? You should apply for some scholarships, maybe give a trusted friend’s address for correspondence so your mad parents don’t intercept any mail and bin it. Obviously you will need to get both your friend’s and their parents’ permission for this, it is not a small favour to ask.
Get all your documents together, lock down your credit and open a bank account at a different bank from your parents. Keep your important documents somewhere your mum can’t do origami with them. You need to view your parents as your adversaries from now on, people who do not have your best interests at heart but instead have their own weird agenda; try to stay civil for as long as you have to deal with them but look to move away and keep your distance asap.
Sorry you’re in this situation, it’s not normal.
Cutting a person’s hair without their permission can be considered assault and battery. Tell your dad you will just sue him and your mom for the rest of your tuition.
Do you really want to be under the thumb of these parents anyway? Your mom needs therapy if she is more worried about what would happen to your hair than what you want to do with your life.
“Dad, my mother- your wife, attempted to shave my hair in my sleep. She tried to take away my autonomy. Had I been anyone else, she would have been charged with assault.
I was awoken from a dead sleep to an assault. Are you rational when you are suddenly woken up to find an attacker? Even if I were in a rational state, I was justified. I think she misconstrued what actually happened.
I’d like for you to hear my side. I didn’t want to involve you because this is between my mother and myself.”
You frame it as a way that shows that you were groggy, sleepy, and afraid. When you came to, you had an emotional breakdown. This is only to preserve your finances. You shouldn’t need to justify anything, but money is money, and you need it for school. This also points out what your mother did was domestic assault. If you had gotten shaved, then you could easily go to the authorities.
By the way, there’s nothing more girly than advocating for yourself. Feminism and girly shit means following your own path.
STEM majors ARE girly majors. We wouldn’t have half the shit we do without women.
Your mom is a rancid, disgusting, deplorable person (on the surface ) who is trying to live vicariously through you- because she got sick and couldn’t do those things herself.
There might be some reasoning in her trauma addled brain. Try to show her that girly comes in different flavors.
Even Barbie can get any degree she wants.
So your parents are both douches? Ugh. Move out and do what you want with your life.
So your mother tried to assault you in your sleep, and your father thinks you overreacted?
He’s acting like a jerk. As for your mother, I would not apologize. It sounds like you needed to get this off your chest. And I would make it clear to your mother that if she wants your relationship to improve that she needs to start respecting your decisions
Wth is a girly major? I can’t think of any job that women do and a man won’t do it, especially if it requires a degree. Your mom is losing it. It appears she wants to live her life through you and if you disagree, she’ll make your life miserable. Ok, you might want to apologize for cussing at her just to appease dad but let your dad know, you were groggy and weren’t thinking straight since it was the middle of the night, but he should have your back if you mom is acting like this. You should go ahead and look into scholarships and maybe get a job to start saving for school if your parents are holding funding over your head for daring to be an individual. Your mom sounds like she needs professional help tho
I’d be so proud to have a daughter who is an engineer. Can you get a scholarship? Frankly your parents sound unwell. Good luck.
Mom is nuts. Move out as soon as you possibly can because it won’t stop there.
My fiance’s cousin just graduated with a robotics engineering Masters, she is going to be a teacher of robotics at a tech school.
HER hair is long, curly, and gorgeous.
Don’t let them stop your dreams.
What the ACTUAL fuck. You Mum needs mental help and someone needs to protect you from her.
Your mom should be a psychiatric patient.
Can you go to the college and ask for support? Maybe they can direct you to housing resource?
Good gracious, your parents are bonkers
Nta that is an assault. If I was woken from my sleep to someone trying to cut off my hair, then be lucky if the only thing I did was curse at them. You would have been well with your rights to physically defend yourself.
Maybe your mother needs to face the consequences of her actions to teach her a lesson. You could always file a police report.
Both your parents are abusive and manipulative. I can’t believe your father is backing up your mother after what she tried to do! I recommended applying to as many scholarships as you can so you don’t depend on them. You will probably have to take out loans as well. Are there other relatives you can reach out to for support? I would try to move out asap.
As others have said, please file assault charges. Get your affairs in order and get out while you can.
OP, you aren’t safe with your mother any more. What she attempted to do was assault and you really need to see if you can figure out a different way forward with your education that doesn’t have these crazy parental strings.
Your mom is a psycho. NTA and honestly after you go to college and become a well paid engineer, cut them off.
Your dad should be telling your mom how wrong she is, not encouraging her psycho ass behavior. NtA. I would have cussed her out as well.
Tell bothbyour mom and dad to shove it where the sun dont shine because you don’t need enemies like this in your family tree
How would your father react is someone woke him up coming at him with a razor? I’d bet it would be similar to your reaction
I can’t believe we’re still having the discussion of what gender belongs to what field. I am a college professor and our science and engineering profs are 50/50 male and female. Please listen to “I Was Gonna Be an Engineer” by Peggy Seeger. She wrote it in 1970!!!! Your parents haven’t even reached first-wave feminism!
A long talk with dad, alone. Does he really understand what she tried to do? Let him know she could be charged with assault, but you haven’t.
Something very wrong here. She getting early dementia? Perhaps dad needs to go with her to doctor?
You don’t have to declare a major until junior year? Meanwhile mom and school commonly have no communication about this subject, you could tell mom whatever you want, i don’t see how she’d know at this time.
Put a lock on bedroom door and use it. Move out asap.
You are being abused and belittled. Get out as quickly as you can; they will never let you grow into the person that you want to become and have no respect for your opinion, feelings and choices. Go live your best life.
press charges and request a psych evaluation on her thats all kinds of crazy can you stay with family
update me
Get out of that house. I’d ask you dad what version of events your mom told him, give him your side (because if she’s this unhinged, I promise what she told him is going to have some creative variations from the truth) but presumably either he also is insane or, he’s under her thumb and in that case, you need to get out. (And even if he comes around this time, doesn’t mean it’s the end of this insanity) Is the money in a savings plan under your name? If so you might have legal recourse here, look into that. But otherwise- you can’t let her abuse you into a career of her choosing so that you fit the girly ideal daughter vision she’s created, and if your parents are this awful, you won’t make it 4 years living with them and relying on their tuition money anyway. And once you’re out, stay out. You can make it on your own, it’ll be hard but so will be burdened with crazy family. You owe them nothing and if they loose you over this, that’s on them, they didn’t deserve you.
Your mother is unhinged. I am not trying to be mean to you, but I do want to make sure you understand how very abnormal and unacceptable your mother’s behavior is. The fact that your father is supporting her in any way is just as abnormal. This is not what good parents do. You should be upset, very upset!
Time for scholarships. Time to couch surf. I’m so sorry.
Ask your dad how he would like it if someone assaulted him while he slept just because he wanted to choose his own career. By the way, I come from a family of engineers. Some of them women. The only bald ones are a few of the men.
Cutting someone’s hair without their consent is assault in many states. If she had cut your hair she could end up with a felony charge.
As for your tuition, my dad offered to pay mine if I majored in business. I said no, and chose my own major and paid my own way. He just wanted a clone of himself, he didn’t care about me as an individual. Of course back then tuition was reasonably priced.
Your parents are self centered a-holes.