So I (26F) work a full-time remote job in tech. I live about 20 minutes from my sister (29F), who has 3 kids under 6. She’s a stay-at-home mom, and her husband works long hours.
Lately, she’s been asking me a lot to come over during the day and “help” with the kids since I “just sit at home on the computer.” I’ve tried explaining that I’m actually, you know, working, and can’t exactly drop everything to change diapers or play with her kids while I’m in meetings.
Last week, she called me in the middle of my shift basically demanding I come over because she was “burnt out.” When I said no, she blew up at me, saying family should always help each other and that I’m being selfish because I “don’t even have kids” and therefore “don’t know how hard it is.”
I told her I love my nieces and nephews but I’m not free childcare, and if she needs a break, she should talk to her husband about arranging actual babysitting or daycare. She hung up on me and hasn’t really spoken to me since.
My mom is now guilt-tripping me, saying I should “be there for my sister” because she’s struggling, but my dad is on my side and says my work comes first.
So… AITA for refusing to babysit when I technically could but don’t want to sacrifice my job.
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So I (26F) work a full-time remote job in tech. I live about 20 minutes from my sister (29F), who has 3 kids under 6. She’s a stay-at-home mom, and her husband works long hours.
Lately, she’s been asking me a lot to come over during the day and “help” with the kids since I “just sit at home on the computer.” I’ve tried explaining that I’m actually, you know, working, and can’t exactly drop everything to change diapers or play with her kids while I’m in meetings.
Last week, she called me in the middle of my shift basically demanding I come over because she was “burnt out.” When I said no, she blew up at me, saying family should always help each other and that I’m being selfish because I “don’t even have kids” and therefore “don’t know how hard it is.”
I told her I love my nieces and nephews but I’m not free childcare, and if she needs a break, she should talk to her husband about arranging actual babysitting or daycare. She hung up on me and hasn’t really spoken to me since.
My mom is now guilt-tripping me, saying I should “be there for my sister” because she’s struggling, but my dad is on my side and says my work comes first.
So… AITA for refusing to babysit when I technically could but don’t want to sacrifice my job.
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> I’m wondering if I’m the asshole because I denied my sisters request to basically babysit her children while I work even though she’s a stay at home mum . And I’m not sure if me denying her demand was the right thing to do and i wanna get peoples opinions so I can see where to go with it.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
So let your mom do the free childcare then. Problem solved. NTA
NTA. Working from home doesn’t mean “sitting around waiting to be free childcare.” If you ditch work for her, you risk your job. Her kids are her and her husband’s responsibility, not yours. Loving your nieces and nephews doesn’t equal unpaid nanny duty.
No. NTA. You have a job. You know the answer to this because any other answer is mental.
Mistake in your title. It should say “ESPECIALLY” since I work from home!! You work full time – how can you possibly babysit on top of that.
Good grief! My husband works from home and yeah, he will lend a hand when he’s able but I sure as hell don’t interrupt his work day to do so! You are literally working. Your mom has a problem with that then she can go over and help. NTA
Sadly this is turning into a template, like the airport seat stories.
NTA. If babysitting impacts your job at all, then you “technically” can’t.
Why do so many people not comprehend the meaning of the word “WORK” in OP’s statement that she works full-time from home? NTA.
NTA You’re working. You’re working remote but you’re working
If you can skip work to take care of her kids, so can her husband, their dad. Sis may not be cut out to be a SAHM. Not every one is. She should go to work and get childcare, even if it take her whole salary if that makes life easier for her.
Oh, this is one of the easiest NTA I’ve seen. As someone who’s been remote since even before the pandemic, the only difference between you working from home and from an office is the location. I would even argue that we are more productive at home without the distraction of other people. My point being, even if you are at home, you are working. There is no situation in which you are responsible for your sister’s kids. Sure, family helps family, but not at the cost of your own job.
Lol AI bullshit
“…because she was “burnt out.” “
Uhh that sounds like a convo she needs to have with her husband.
NTA. As a mom of 2 I personally do not understand how ppl wfh and are fully responsible for childcare. I’ll wfh when one of my kids are sick and it’s still hard (getting to the age where sick means on couch resting watching tv) let alone perfectly healthy and energetic.
I’m sure your sister is burnt out, how could she not be. But that’s a problem her husband and her need to sort out.
You should refuse to babysit, not even though you work from home, but because you WORK from home. NTA of course.
She has three children by choice she knew after 2 how hard being a stay-at-home mom was and that she was getting burned out and still chose to have another child. Her decision making skills are very lacking, I definitely wouldn’t let her make any decisions regarding my life and how my bills get paid. It was so lovely of your mom to volunteer to raise your sister’s kids but she doesn’t have the right to volunteer you.
NTA
People that don’t work have no conception about working from home. I’m quite sure your employer would take a dim view of you being at your sister’s babysitting while you are suppose to be working on your projects.
Your sister and husband made the decision to have 3 children. You were not in the decision making process, so you are not responsible in the care taking.
Your job pays your bills, not your sister.
Tell your mom to get off her ass and help
I guess your mom needs to start paying for all ur living expenses then. You know, family comes first.
She decided to have three babies, not you
Work not stay home and do nothing
Of course you’re NTA. You are working from home. Would sister and mom be saying/expecting this if you worked in an office? Your response was perfect.
NTA you are WORKING from home not just sitting around. When you are home during working hours your home is your office not a day care
Again, WORKING from home is still WORK.
If she wouldn’t call you out of the office (I hope not anyway) Then she shouldn’t be calling you during your working hours just because your office is in your house!
If your mum believes that she truly needs assistance, then she can go over and help her daughter with her grandchildren.
Your dad is right, for you, your job DOES come first because it’s what pays your bills.
You are on the money by saying she needs to speak to her husband about a babysitter or day care instead of expecting others to change their schedule to fit her needs or wants.
NTA
Yta for same old type post.
Tell your mom and sister are they going to pay your bills when I lose my job cause she’s can’t hire a babysitter
NTA. Your dad is right and your mom and sister don’t respect the fact that you have a job. Tell your mom, “I’m working. You do it. Because family helps family and I need your help with Sister because I’m not available. I’m working.”
That’s such bullshit. I’ve worked from home a bit – especially during the pandemic – doing remote tech support for my clients. Imagine trying to troubleshoot someone’s issue while you’re connected to their computer and talking to them on the phone and there’s a little kid running around tearing up the house.
Some of my clients are old people who barely know anything about computers – it’s a struggle to get them to describe their issues properly and to work with me to resolve them, let alone if there was a child being disruptive in the background.
NTA – and if your mom is clutching her pearls that hard then she can watch the kid while you work.
edit: nevermind – Gptzero says this is 100% AI written. Goddam pathetic bots.
NTA. You are working, not lounging around the house with nothing to do all day. Sis can hire a babysitter or your mom can go watch the kids.
So you are gonna give up your job to babysit for your sister who decided 3 kids all under six was a good idea?
NTA. Sister had 3 kids, and she stays home with them. Let her find a sitter if she needs time to herself. But don’t go over there to help out unless you want it to be a regular thing. Best to not answer her calls or texts during work hours.
NTA She chose to have 3 kids, not you. Next time tell her that you use birth control so that you don’t have to deal with the burnout.
Just read all the other wfh babysitting requests.
NTA! Not your problem
This is like the hundredth time someone has posted some flavor of this situation. Sibling with no kids works from home, sibling with kids doesn’t respect that work from home is still working. I feel like bots have picked up on this as a topic sure to get responses. Then throw in that this poster has had her only 3 other comments or posts deleted from other groups, I can’t help but call this fake.
Why would you consider risking your job? Your sister is a grown woman who decided to have 3 children and she is a SAHM. If she needs to go get groceries or run an errand, she can get a babysitter like other people do. If your mom is concerned about her daughter needing a break, she can go over and babysit. Your sister sounds entitled and spoiled.
Technically, anyone with a job can skip that job and help their family. It’s not only those with a remote job. Mom and sis needs to learn how money are earned.
NTA. You’re working. I know a woman who nearly lost her wfh job because her husband decided they didn’t need daycare because she was at home all day. You’re not sitting on your ass doing nothing. If your mom feels so strongly about helping your sister, she can go stay with her for a week and give her a break.
Nta. Working from home is still working, and even if you were literally sitting there not doing a damn thing, staring at the wall, that doesn’t give someone the right to demand your time
NTA. You work. Plain and simple. She wouldn’t call you if you worked outside the home. Why is this any different. Keep your boundaries.
My organization isn’t big on WFH (only allowed 1d/wk) and if you have young children you should still be sending them to daycare on the day you WFH.
Don’t jeopardize your job because sister is burned out. There are places she can take them when she needs a break and I’m sure grandma would live to help her out if she can’t pay for childcare.
And where’s your mom? She should be helping her daughter.
Definitely NTA. When are people going to wake up and realise that working from home is exactly the same as working in any other workplace. You also are under no obligation legal, family, or otherwise to babysit anyone. Your sisters kids are her responsibility and her problem. She should not have had them if she wasn’t prepared to look after them. As for your mother – it is none of her business so she can keep her nose out and opinions to herself.
Yes, you are working from home. That is your office and this is your job. Why don’t people understand this? If you were in an actual office building, I doubt if she would ask to drop kids off or for you to drop everything and run over to her house
Give your sister and your mother your immediate superior’s work number (clear this with immediate superior FIRST). They can explain to him why it’s more important for them to dump the kids on you whenever they feel like it instead of waiting until you’ve finished doing what you get paid for.
NTA! You have a job, and need to focus on your job during your workday. Your sister sounds very entitled.
NTA I work from home as well. I don’t answer texts or calls if I don’t want to, because I AM WORKING. Just ignore people if you’re busy. She doesn’t work outside of being a SAHM, so she doesn’t get it!
Sigh multiple posts, rage bate karma farmer account.
Tell your mom to babysit, you are working. End of story.
NTA your sister’s kids are not your obligation. Your sister’s mental health is important but she should also respect your life choices (to not have kids) and your career. If she needs a sitter for a break she should hire one, or even ask your parents (if they are retired/ have the time and ability to help).
I’ll be extra honest, I’m WFH and have coworkers who are as well and it’s really obnoxious to hear toddlers yelling and screaming or watching Bluey in the background during meetings (especially when they don’t mute when they aren’t actively talking).
I don’t think full time stay at home parents should be working from home full time. Neither task is getting their full attention.
Don’t answer your phone. Have a message “I’m currently working, please call after business hours.” Then ignore her anyway.
People that look after kids while ‘working from home’ are the ones that are running it for the rest of us. The reason that employers are increasingly demanding everyone return to the office full time is because of idiots like your sister that think you can look after and be responsible for children. You can’t be fully focused on your job when you have kids running about your house. Please keep refusing her OP.
NTA!
Nope you are not the problem- she needs to figure out her time management and schedule better. She didn’t have to spread her legs so many times! If you can’t take care of the children – use condoms!
You’re working from home – it’s not appropriate for you to take another job. The job that pays your bills takes priority.
Why doesn’t your mum or dad go help her?
If this is real (which I doubt as I have seen this scenario in multiple posts just in the last week) – NTA. Just stop giving your sister and mother any information about your life. Let them believe that your job is no longer remote. Make them believe you are now back in the office.
NTA. However, while your sister is being demanding and unreasonable, only you can know whether this is just the way she is or if she’s a typically kind and rational person that’s just really having a hard time and doesn’t know what else to do (maybe tinged with some resentment or jealousy she can’t face). Sometimes you’re going along handling things life just fine until suddenly you aren’t.
If it’s the latter, maybe there are other ways you could try to be there for her that aren’t in the middle of your work day. You said her husband works long hours; could you end your day at 5 and then head over for a couple hours to help her out in the evening before he gets home? Could you help her out on the weekend? Give them a date night? Could you meet her for lunch so she has another adult to talk to during the day? Make some freezer meals for her? Have you talked to her about her situation and let her know you’re worried about her at a time where it’s not the heat of the moment?
It’s hard to want to go out of your way for someone who is acting unreasonable, but you know your sister best. Would she try to help you if the situation was reversed? Has she always been like this, or is she just really struggling right now and isn’t acting like herself? Just adding some things to think about. 🤷♀️
NTA you’re literally doing your job
nTA, your sister is, and so is your mother. You are working. Does she want you to get fired? Cheat your employer? Ask your father to explain it to them. Let your sister stew; don’t call her. When she needs something, she’ll call.
Nta tell your mom she is free to jump in & help. Since that is what family does. Ask who is going to pay your rent, utilities, your groceries & stuff when you lose your job. If she can’t handle being a stay at home mom, she should go back to work. It’s not for everyone. She shouldn’t expect you to stop working to give herself breaks (I could maybe understand an emergency but should be a call to dad, not you). She’s being ridiculous. Expecting you to stop your work to come give her a break from hers?! As a sahm, once you establish a routine, it’s not that hard. I babysat on top of staying home-had 7 toddlers at one point. Fun. She could est a quiet time, where after lunch they lay down. Or lay & watch a movie to give herself a few moments. There are lots of things to do. But
3 kids (oldest is 6 which can be helpful) shouldn’t be all that hard. Esp with school starting back
Why do people think that if you work from home, you’re sitting around in your pajamas eating Fruit Loops watching cartoons?
If your sister gets you fired from your imaginary job, is she going to cover your rent? You know, cause family helps family!
Parents, if you don’t want to parent your kids, don’t have them.
NTA. Your sister and your mother are disrespectful, I would hope they wouldn’t demand you leave the office to help.
She’s overwhelmed and it’s easier to put pressure on your than talk to her husband about it.
No. These are her responsibility, not yours. Simple as that. If she’s “burnt out”, try birth control.
NTA.
It still baffles me how people don’t understand that working from home is still working! You’re not at home doing nothing. You’re not free to take care of the kids. YOU’RE WORKING.
You’re not just sitting on your computer playing games or something like that. You have work to do, probably online meetings and important targets to achieve. You’re busy earning your living. Ugh, I hate how dismissive they are.
Also, I also don’t understand what other family members have to give their input. Let them be the ones helping. Ah, no, they don’t want to.help? That’s too bad.
Yay for your dad! Tell your mom she can babysit if she wants since she’s not working???
NTA I’m guessing she doesn’t come help with your job, so why should you go help with hers?
> she blew up at me, saying family should always help each other and that I’m being selfish because I “don’t even have kids” and therefore “don’t know how hard it is.”
“You’re not even employed. You don’t know how hard it is.” But for real, if she’s struggling then that’s something for her and her partner to figure out. The struggles of their lifestyle choice are for them to resolve without free, on-demand labor from others.
Why doesn’t her husband leave his job to run home and watch the kids because she needs a break? After all, they are his kids. Of course your mother or father could step in. But why would you use up your PTO so your sister needs a break? There may be a time when you need a break, but won’t have any PTO left for you to use. You’re NTA, but your sister & mom are.
NTA, and people really need to have the message beaten into them that working from home means you are AT WORK. Not sitting on the couch eating bonbons, watching daytime soaps, and waiting for friends and family to assign you random tasks. When my daughter was a baby, I worked from home about 30 hours a week, and it amazed me how frequently I was asked to babysit other peoples’ kids, run errands during the day, even once was asked to pick up someone’s cousin (who I had never met) at an airport an hour away because “well, you’re home.”
Obviously NTA. Why are you even asking? I work from home full time, also in tech, and I’m planning to shell out a whole lot of money for a nanny once my baby is born because I actually have to work. I would love if I could somehow get away with working and caring for a newborn full time because it would save a lot of money, but I can’t. Because I have a job. And this is my own child I’m talking about, not someone else’s.
I wonder what her husband would say if she asked him to take time off of work to help with the kids.
NTA
There is no reason you should not show up for your job to help during working hours.
She is clearly crying out for help. Can you offer an evening so she and BIL can have a date? A couple of hours on Saturday so she can take a long bath or walk in a park or something?
Can you suggest your mom do that???
You are simply not available, nta
Read the hundreds of other posts about this EXACT same question and you’ll have your answer.🙄
NTA. Tell your sister that your mother volunteered to take over since “family should always help each other” and she wants to “be there for her because she is struggling.”
How are these stories posted so often?
NTA. Quit answering the phone or the door. If you don’t have a door camera, get one in case she tries to abandon her kids on your doorstep. You may want to start a group text with her husband. He may be interested to hear she is trying to unload the kids on you
Nobody told her to have all those kids. I’m sure she is getting burned out. If her hubby is working so much perhaps he can get her some help from time to time.
You are in the clear. If your mother feels so strongly about helping family, she can babysit.