I was with my elderly parents at a large cafe. We were expecting 3 more family members who texted that they were ten minutes out. This is one of those cafes where you place your order at the counter, and then pick it up when it’s ready. Customers seat themselves wherever there are vacancies.
It was extremely busy, and we fully expected that we would have to wait for a table to open up. As I was looking around, I noticed several empty tables for 2-4 people (this is important later), but none of the ones for larger groups were empty. Then I saw a man and a woman sitting on opposite sides of a large table that seated six. There was a sign right in the middle of it that stated, “This table for parties of 5 or more only”. Now, some people were sitting just until their food was ready and then taking it to go, and some people were dining in. So I approached the table, smiled, and politely asked, “excuse me, are you planning on eating in or are you just waiting to take your order to go”? Thinking if that’s the case, great, we can get this one. The wife said, “we’re eating here”. My eyes automatically darted to the sign on the table thinking that maybe they hadn’t noticed it. As I said, there were plenty of other empty tables for 2-4 people. If those tables were not empty, I would never have approached them. So, here’s where I’m asking if I’m TAH. Still being polite because I’m not the kind of person to cause problems, I gestured to the sign and said something like “oh, are you expecting more people?” just as their son joined them, making 3. I was hoping that that was it and they’d realize the situation and offer to move to literally the next table over so that our party could sit as well. Keep in mind, they had just sat down. Their food wasn’t ready yet, it’s not like I interrupted their meal (I would never do that). But she instantly got an attitude and said, “this is all of us now, did you have any more questions?”
I guess my mistake was thinking that they would be decent enough to offer to move to the smaller table because that’s exactly what I would do. I’d be mortified to take up a table for six unneccesarily in a busy restaurant while others waited, but apparently they had no qualms about it. I just walked away instead of arguing.
I was telling this to my bf and he thinks I was being a you-know-what (K-word) and likened it to calling someone out over a full cart of groceries in the 10 items or less aisle. I maintain that I was being polite and I was just hoping they’d recognize the situation and offer to do the decent thing.
Edit to add- The only reason I didn’t just come right out and politely ask them to move was because in the moment, I thought THAT would be rude. Like I have no business asking that of someone, I just thought it would be more reasonable to just see if they’d offer. When they didn’t, I wasn’t going to argue.
So was ITAH?
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I was with my elderly parents at a large cafe. We were expecting 3 more family members who texted that they were ten minutes out. This is one of those cafes where you place your order at the counter, and then pick it up when it’s ready. Customers seat themselves wherever there are vacancies.
It was extremely busy, and we fully expected that we would have to wait for a table to open up. As I was looking around, I noticed several empty tables for 2-4 people (this is important later), but none of the ones for larger groups were empty. Then I saw a man and a woman sitting on opposite sides of a large table that seated six. There was a sign right in the middle of it that stated, “This table for parties of 5 or more only”. Now, some people were sitting just until their food was ready and then taking it to go, and some people were dining in. So I approached the table, smiled, and politely asked, “excuse me, are you planning on eating in or are you just waiting to take your order to go”? Thinking if that’s the case, great, we can get this one. The wife said, “we’re eating here”. My eyes automatically darted to the sign on the table thinking that maybe they hadn’t noticed it. As I said, there were plenty of other empty tables for 2-4 people. If those tables were not empty, I would never have approached them. So, here’s where I’m asking if I’m TAH. Still being polite because I’m not the kind of person to cause problems, I gestured to the sign and said something like “oh, are you expecting more people?” just as their son joined them, making 3. I was hoping that that was it and they’d realize the situation and offer to move to literally the next table over so that our party could sit as well. Keep in mind, they had just sat down. Their food wasn’t ready yet, it’s not like I interrupted their meal (I would never do that). But she instantly got an attitude and said, “this is all of us now, did you have any more questions?”
I guess my mistake was thinking that they would be decent enough to offer to move to the smaller table because that’s exactly what I would do. I’d be mortified to take up a table for six unneccesarily in a busy restaurant while others waited, but apparently they had no qualms about it. I just walked away instead of arguing.
I was telling this to my bf and he thinks I was being a you-know-what (K-word) and likened it to calling someone out over a full cart of groceries in the 10 items or less aisle. I maintain that I was being polite and I was just hoping they’d recognize the situation and offer to do the decent thing.
So was ITAH?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked another customer if there would be more people sitting at their table
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA for not telling them what you wanted. It would have been fine to explain the situation ask them to move. Asking them a random question and hoping they can read your mind? Not so much.
I have been in situations when I am sitting at a table larger than I need and I see a group looking for a space to accommodate them, I will offer my table. If your tone was not rude, I see no problem with what you did.
YTA
You have exactly zero authority to move other customers around. You should have just talked to an employee.
NTA. You were polite and they were being selfish. However, I would say if all your party were not there, it could have looked to them like you where in the same situation as them with regards to needing a smaller table. Nevertheless, I think it was obvious why you would be asking those questions and they should have done the decent thing and moved to a smaller table, regardless of how many were in anyone else’s party.
YTA for the passive aggressive way you handled the situation. Handling it yourself you could have easily and politely asked if they could move to a smaller table. Or if you didn’t want to do it yourself ask a staff member .
An appropriate response in these situations is a very faux polite, “Oh, I’m sorry! I thought that perhaps you were unfamiliar with [local language], and that I could help you out by translating the table sign for you.”
NTA. they should have moved. The fact that she gave you an attitude shows that she knew exactly what she was doing and why.
YTA for being passive aggressive about it. Why not ask for what you want? It seems like you stopped short of saying “I am with a party of six and was wondering, would you be willing to sit at one of the smaller tables so we could use this one?” and instead just expected them to guess what you wanted. Ask the question you want to ask, otherwise, stop bothering people.
Pushing two tables together is a common way to solve this problem.
You handled it horribly…
“Excuse me, I have a huge favor to ask – my family didn’t consider how difficult it would be to find seating for a big group here and we have X amount of people meeting for lunch. If you don’t have anyone else joining you, is there any way you’d mind to move over one table so we can all squeeze in here? I would genuinely appreciate it to much.”
Instead of asking for their assistance, you treated them like they were inconveniencing you and played some silly game hoping they’d offer to move.
> likened it to calling someone out over a full cart of groceries in the 10 items or less aisle
You mean he likened it to… JUSTICE?
NTA. You’re allowed to ask politely for people to follow the rules. If you’d blown up or started finger-wagging, it would be whole different thing.
Yta
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YTA, not for wanting the table but for how you went about this.
“Hi, sorry to bother you guys but I’m here with my family and there aren’t enough spots at the other table for all 6 of us. Would you mind moving to the 2-top right here?” If they’re waiting on people, they’ll let you know.
You could even add in some jokey “My parents are kind of elderly and can’t hear well if they’re not right on top of us, y’know?” depending on the vibe they give off.
If they still won’t move, then you weaponize the sign directly, no passing glances or hinthints.
NAH because you came across as weird because you never communicated that you were waiting on more people so you looked like a party of 3 wanting their table for your party of 3. They were disinclined to be courteous because you were interrogating them for no apparent reason
But also no one was directly AHish, just use your words next time
NTA for looking for a table that would fit your group, but that table clearly wasn’t going to be available.
Why would you not just use your words and ask
YTA
that was a really long random way of just asking “Hey, we need a large table. Do you need 6 seats or can you move to a smaller table so we can sit?”
YTA. You’re not the table police. If the management wants to enforce their rules, it’s up to them to do it. (As an aside, it’s not up to you to call out people in the grocery line either)
You went to a place with limited non- reserved seating with a large party. They don’t have to move for you and you handled it poorly. Personally, I think it’s rude to ask anyway but you could have just asked.
YTA
YTA. Just wait for a table. There was no need to go searching for one.
NTA, you were polite and it kind of sounds like she knew exactly what you were getting at but just didn’t want to move, so that makes her TA in my books. The comments about you not being the ‘table police’ are weird, interactions like this play out every day because sometimes wait staff are busy and it’s easy for people to just work with each other so that everyone can sit and eat.
First, you decided to play Table Monitor and confront strangers instead of, you know, talking to an employee.
Then, you decided not to actually explain the situation and, instead, play passive-aggressive games.
That makes YTA – twice over.
ESH. Petty me would have absolutely sat there and waited for the rest of my family to show up.
YTAH. In this situation you should approach an employee to do the monitoring. I had this happen once (Although we were seated by the hostess and no sign for large parties), and we were a party of four at a larger table on a busy day. The manager came to ask if we would consider moving and offered to buy us a round of drinks. Of course we said yes. The party that got our table then also sent a free round of drinks and we wound up smashed after what was supposed to be a work lunch. In any event, the manager took care of it and had the agency to do so. Being approached by a rando kicking us out of our table probably wouldn’t have been as successful.