So our toddler started sleeping alone about a month ago (15 months now). She goes to sleep around 7pm. I tried to be very quiet at least until she falls asleep so I don’t wake her. I do a lot of household chores when she goes to sleep, but I do them quietly. My husband on the other hand makes so much noise. Of course, I also will accidentally make a noise once in a while. I am very apologetic and feel bad right when it happens. He on the other hand will make noise and not even care much. I literally yell at him every day because he always wakes up our toddler. His office wall is connected to her bedroom, so any noise he makes while sitting at his desk (like eating or clicking his mouse loudly) will wake her up. I get mad at him, but he treats me like I’m overreacting. I again called him today asking him to please try to be quiet after he slammed his plate down when getting food to heat up in the kitchen. He told me “you’ll just have to get over it it’s life.” He also told me that he’s mad cause he can’t even make noise in his own house. I don’t feel like I am being unreasonable because as long as he’s quiet enough that he doesn’t wake her I don’t care. I am just tired of being the only one who cares. He brings up the fact that I also make noise, but at least I intentionally try not to and feel bad if I’m accidentally loud. I just hate to hearing my daughter cry because she was woken up. It literally causes me anxiety, and I can’t do anything until she falls back asleep..
Edit: I have a sound machine that we run pretty loudly so that isn’t a solution. Also when I say eating I mean slamming his fork down on his plate. He plays video games so the clicking is like banging his mouse lol
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So our toddler started sleeping alone about a month ago (15 months now). She goes to sleep around 7pm. I tried to be very quiet at least until she falls asleep so I don’t wake her. I do a lot of household chores when she goes to sleep, but I do them quietly. My husband on the other hand makes so much noise. Of course, I also will accidentally make a noise once in a while. I am very apologetic and feel bad right when it happens. He on the other hand will make noise and not even care much. I literally yell at him every day because he always wakes up our toddler. His office wall is connected to her bedroom, so any noise he makes while sitting at his desk (like eating or clicking his mouse loudly) will wake her up. I get mad at him, but he treats me like I’m overreacting. I again called him today asking him to please try to be quiet after he slammed his plate down when getting food to heat up in the kitchen. He told me “you’ll just have to get over it it’s life.” He also told me that he’s mad cause he can’t even make noise in his own house. I don’t feel like I am being unreasonable because as long as he’s quiet enough that he doesn’t wake her I don’t care. I am just tired of being the only one who cares. He brings up the fact that I also make noise, but at least I intentionally try not to and feel bad if I’m accidentally loud. I just hate to hearing my daughter cry because she was woken up. It literally causes me anxiety, and I can’t do anything until she falls back asleep..
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> I keep yelling at my husband for being super loud and waking up our toddler. He says it’s life, but I think being quiet is not that difficult.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA it’s part of having a kid.
NTA but get a white noise machine. It’ll cover up minor sounds like eating and clicking.
Yes, yta. Do you have a sound machine in her room? You need a sound machine. It helps drown out some of those ‘doing life’ noises. You nor your husband should have to live like a mouse for multiple hours every day. Do t blast music, sure. But eating and clicking a mouse? Come on. Get a sound machine.
Edit: typo
NTA. I had this exact same issue 3 times with my husband where he would cough loudly outside their bedroom door, turn the TV way up, clatter and bang in the room next to theirs and all that shit.
I would spend hours getting them down caused by him repeatedly resetting my progress.
I recommend buying a good-sized dehumidifier. The hum can help to mask sudden noises that tend to wake your baby up. Saved my sanity.
I used to vacuum while my daughter was sleeping, even under her crib and she slept like a champ. Maybe I just got lucky, but I think it’s not helpful to tiptoe around your babies/kids.
Slam a fry pan down on his nightstand at 3 am. When he jumps and sits up, say “Oh Honey. I was just killing a mosquito. Sorry so loud-that’s just life I guess”.
NTA. Your husband is childish.
YTA. If noises like “clicking loudly” are sufficient to wake her, then it isn’t your husband’s fault.
Look into moving around living situations so her room is more isolated, or get a noise machine to try to drown them out
“clicking his mouse loudly?” YTA. LIfe has to continue to happen even when the toddler is asleep. It doesn’t sound like he is doing anything unreasonable. If he turned up music or ran the vaccum cleaner, you would have legitimate beef. It sounds like he is making an effort. Put her in another room if his mouse clicking is too much. Toddler will get used to ambient noises and sleep through them soon enough. Calm down.
Is your toddler’s bed against the same wall as your husband’s office?
have you added any noise dampening to his office?
I have a very loud husband, his steps are heavy and loud and he cannot gently open/close anything or put anything down gently and he even drops onto chairs/the bed. He has no awareness and decades of marriage and me asking him to be more considerate of the rest of us never changed his behavior.
It’s probably up to you to do more to mitigate his noise. Is he willing to move his desk?
That sound machine isn’t working, try something else, maybe an oscillating fan out of her reach of course.
Also make him deal with the fallout, not quite the clicking loudly, but if he’s intentionally being loud, then he can go and settle the toddler back to sleep
YTA. Move the toddler or get a white noise machine.
If he wakes her up have him responsible for putting her back down. Then you can both come up with a solution
You have shot yourself in the foot by training her from the start to sleep with silence.From day 1,should have been lots of noise,hell run a vacuum cleaner near her. Life goes on. Start getting her used to noise when sleeping,it may not be to late. YTA
NTA. Husband is acting rude while you’re just trying your best to let the toddler sleep. Yes, clicking a mouse and eating is normal, but it’s not about what he does, but how he acts. I recommend getting some wall panels that cancel the noise from going to your toddlers room. You could also move husband’s desk somewhere further away, if that’s possible.
NTA. Make the rule that whoever wakes her up has to get her back to sleep. He wakes her up, its his job to settle her back to sleep, and he doesn’t get to pass it back to you if he struggles. Watch how fast he suddenly stops making noise.
>His office wall is connected to her bedroom, so any noise he makes while sitting at his desk (like eating or clicking his mouse loudly)
if your walls are functionally a piece of lace and your child has the hearing of a falcon that mouse clicking wakes her up through the noise machine, idk if you can call him TA there. slamming plates would definitely do it. I’m going to go with ESH.
ESH I understand your need for quiet because kiddo won’t sleep, I’ve got 2 kids and have done the suffering. However, you yelling at your husband is a bit over the top. If all he’s doing is clicking his computer mouse and eating and she is waking, you have very thin walls and unless you want to move his office elsewhere things won’t change. He isn’t making an abnormal amount of noise and you’re acting like he’s playing the trumpet. That said, it isn’t wise to create a scenario where your kid can only sleep in absolute silence, you’re setting them and yourself up for failure. I’m not saying go pounding hammers but make average amounts of noise and deal with the fallout.
No one here is an AH, having a toddler is rough, but he’s allowed to make noise and to keep living his life. I don’t really know how to fix your problem but your toddler does need to learn how to sleep with other noises happening
Being told that I’m clicking the mouse too loudly would send me tbh. I get it but I dont
I’ve had friends with new babies and three more older siblings, those 3 older boys ran and screamed through that whole house at least 16hrs a day. That baby slept through the whole ordeal. Maybe keep a light noise going so the sudden noises won’t be as loud.
“Clicking his mouse loudly” you have got to be fucking joking, do you hear yourself? Maybe you should stop blaming him and start fixing the actual problem: the part where they share a wall. YTA
YTA
blaming the guy for eating or using the computer is unreasonable.
Some kids are light sleepers. A Kid may wake up and fall asleep several times a night.
If you expect him not to use his office, either move the baby’s room or move his office.
Honestly. If you also wake up the baby and you’re not in the adjoining room, the fact that you feel bad about it doesn’t seem to be a factor here.
you have to calm down. The child will fall back asleep. You can’t have everyone else in the household tiptoeing around it. It’s unsustainable
I was with you until you admitted that the “noise” he is making is clicking his mouse and eating food in another room.
Your daughter needs to learn to sleep through noises like that, and at this point it’s your anxiety that is making this into a whole thing.
YTA
You know I was ready to call you not the ah until you mentioned “eating or clicking his mouse loudly“. If those are the things you’re taking issue with with him, I actually don’t blame him for being frustrated. If you had said he was talking loudly or laughing or slamming things around that would be different. Honestly it doesn’t sound like the issue is with your husband but with your toddler. Maybe you need to talk to your pediatrician about why she is such a light sleeper, because it’s really not reasonable to expect complete silence every night for hours at a time. YTA
YTA. These are normal household sounds.
YTA
He’s not cranking death metal, he’s just existing. Toddlers need to be able to sleep through routine home sounds. If your sound machine isn’t working, change it. A standing oscillating fan makes decent white noise without visible blades. Or play low soothing music in her room. Try different things and let the house breathe and live like a functional home.
The noise is actually better for the child. It gets them used to sleeping with noise so they won’t wake up with every tiny sound. Better for you and the baby in the end. I am going with ESH.
I was with you until I read this: “clicking his mouse loudly.” Really? How does anyone click their mouse loudly? You sound like Liz who killed her husband, Bernie, for chewing his food too loudly in the Cell Block Tango. YTA
ESH. My kids were able to sleep thru any vacuuming and other “loud” household chores since they were very small. You should have been doing all these activities when she was awake or asleep and would be used to it. I would be upset if I could not eat or be on my computer once she’s asleep and it’s my free time. He needs to be mindful yes, but this sounds overboard.
NTA
Your husband is fine. Proper sleep training actually dictates that you should perform all household duties at their normal volume so she gets used it.
Also eating? Be real.
Get a sound machine asap! For all yalls sanity! The hatch is a good one.
You could have trained the toddler to sleep through noises early on.
My sister did it 3x. They slept through the vacuum even. The last baby slept through literally everything in the same room because she had toddler siblings being loud constantly.
He’s right though. You can’t tiptoe around for your whole lives. Y’all made that bed, now you lay in it until you fix it.
YTA. The kid will never learn to sleep with noise if they don’t learn to sleep with noise. Clicking a mouse in the next room is hardly noise.
NAH the toddler needs to get used to sleeping through noise
There are sound dampeners you can hang on the walls which may help. Idk if anyone is TA here, having toddlers makes things hard. Remember it’s both of you against the problem, not against each other!
OP has mentioned the clicking of the mouse is much louder than just clicks due to the husband playing video games.
That’s completely true as my partner plays computer games and he does combo attacks/lots of keyboard mashing and makes a fair bit of noise while playing.
But he shouldn’t dismiss OP as over reacting so NTA
ESH. I think you are being unreasonable by yelling at your husband multiple times per week over this issue. Yelling and screaming is not something that will help a married couple find a viable solution.
He’s NTA for making noise, but he should be contributing to the nighttime routine and taking some responsibility as well.
Sleep regression happens in toddlers especially when there’s big changes in their normal routine. You should have grace for her, for yourself, and for each other during this transition.
Going with NAH bc yall are probably both stressed out and lack of sleep makes people lose it but id recommend a better sound machine the ones that come with kid night lights or humidifiers aren’t that great. Look into the Lectro Fan it has so many options of brown and white noise doesn’t loop and the volume can be adjusted a lot. My nyc kids won’t hear sirens on our block with it.
YTA. Eating or clicking his mouse loudly wakes her? Seriously? I work from home. You just click the mouse. We don’t have a volume button on it. Also, you should be making normal noises since birth so that they learn to sleep through them.
He should be able to eat and work without a problem. Maybe put a noise canceling machine in her room. Or something that plays sounds like ocean or raindrops to drown out his eating and working. Shit, even a fan…. You’re being ridiculous. Make noise. You’re doing this child a disservice by training her not to sleep through regular noise. If he was blasting music or something I would say he’s the Ah. But the man is simply working and trying to have a meal.
PS. You super suck for yelling at him every single day for just existing.
I’m still annoyed that his office WALL is connected to her room and you think his mouse clicks wake her. eye roll
Move her bed then.
YTA. Kids need to get used to a certain level of noise when they are sleeping because the world doesn’t stop just because they are asleep. I don’t even consider what your husband is doing as noisy. If it’s waking your kid up, then talk to their doctor about why they are a light sleeper or just wait it out until they get used to it, and maybe apologize to your husband.
Being a parent is tough. But you all are setting yourselves up for failure if she is waking up from someone simply eating in the room next to her. First, get a sound machine. Hush makes one, we have the Hatch, some people use Alexa. It’s just white noise and it muffles stuff happening. Second of all, stop tiptoeing around and revolving around her. Talk normal. Do life. She will develop a higher tolerance for the noise and sleep better. I know from experience. You are shaping the environment around the baby. Let her learn to adapt to her environment instead.
YTA. Your husband is right. And with young kids you should not be tip-toeing around silencing your house at 7:00 PM. They need to be able to sleep through regular life sounds and happenings. I think my OB advised that with my first newborn, and we’ve essentially lived that way from day one. Your kiddo will adjust. Move her bed off of the adjoining office wall if it isn’t already, invest in a different/better noise machine and, unfortunately, ride it out. Kids don’t always sleep great. They have growth spurts and phases. Especially fifteen-month-olds. This too shall pass, and things will even out.
NTA.
Im curious.
Are you actually mad at your husband for waking the kid up with his noises, or are you frustrated that once the kid is up, you’re always the one who has to settle your toddler?
I remember being irrationally irritated at my then husband for being loud, too, but I recognized it’s not the kid waking up that bothered me. it’s the perceived disrespect I felt. I felt that he didn’t care about me or my time because if he was, he would be more careful about making noise. But, since he’s not the one settling the kid back to sleep, he doesn’t care if the kid wakes up because it’s not his problem.
I wonder if you’d be less frustrated if you let him settle the toddler back to sleep when he wakes her up?
No judgment here. Just pure empathy that I’ve been there, done that, and even after all these years of reflection, still feels like those toddler years are a shit show.
Get a sound machine for baby’s room. And stop trying to avoid noise. Learning to sleep
thru noise is a good skill.
Father of four here…
Kids need to learn to sleep with normal noise levels.
I’d love to see a picture of this mouse that clicks loudly enough to wake someone.
YTA.
Info: What happens when she wakes up? If she needs resettling after she wakes up, whichever parent wakes her up should tend to her going back to sleep. But if it’s no big deal to your toddler, it shouldn’t be a big deal to you ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Reading OPs edit about the husband slamming sliver wear down and pounding the mouse on the desk I’d say OP has a bigger issues than the kid being woken up, it sounds like hubby maybe has some anger or emotional dis-regulation going on here.
My 3 month old granddaughter slept through us remodeling the living area and installing a new floor. Her parents were helping us and we could only work when she was asleep!
I thought you were going to say he’s, like, running a chainsaw right outside her bedroom windows.
He’s eating and clicking his mouse?? C’mon, now.
Better she adjusts to sleeping with some normal household sounds going on than forcing everyone to tiptoe around while she sleeps for the rest of her life.
ESH, he’s being inconsiderate, children dont need to see their mom screaming at their dad.
ESH (except the toddler of course).
You for outright yelling at your husband, he does have a point – a baby should be exposed to “normal” sounds in a home, including while sleeping… otherwise all you’ll end up with is an adult with some serious sleep disorder who will have trouble falling asleep outside of a cot at home. I’m not talking about doing military sleep training (aka, run the poor kid so hard it just collapses from exhaustion and base body functions take over), but other than outright vacuuming the house normal activities like eating should be part of getting your kid sleep trained.
But your husband too. You shouldn’t be the one to always deal with the fallout of a woken baby, he has to pick up his share of that duty too. And I guess that is what actually frustrates you, so you should focus on that.
What I find the most funny is you yelling at him bc he’s making too much noise by clicking the mouse too loudly lmao. Your husband must be so sick of you.
Look at other cultures and how they rear babies.
They bring them with them everywhere, they’ll bring their babies swaddled up to loud family reunions that go into the evening! Those babies sleep through the noise because they’re familiar and desensitized to it. They’re still getting quality sleep.
You’re damaging your own marriage and your child’s future sleep quality the way you’re going now.