This has been an ongoing pattern in my life.
- Meet nice girl (through a mutual friend, at work, etc.)
- Enjoy conversation and feel good after
- Develop a crush
- Become infatuated and spend 30 minutes after waking up fantasizing about a future with her and continue to do so throughout the day
This also derails me from my other hobbies and activities. I become less outgoing and less focused on self-improvement, preferring to fantasize instead. They aren’t sexual either, they are more about the feeling of being desired and loved.
The easy and obvious suggestion is to just ask her out, but this isn’t always feasible: maybe she is already taken, maybe it’s clear that she isn’t interested, but it doesn’t matter because I will hold on to the delusional belief that maybe it will work out.
I am otherwise well-adjusted (to the best of my knowledge), but I find it difficult to get myself out of this trap once I’ve fallen in. It’s easy to say things like “have an abundance mindset” and “accept it’s not going to happen,” but those are easier said than done.
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This has been an ongoing pattern in my life.
This also derails me from my other hobbies and activities. I become less outgoing and less focused on self-improvement, preferring to fantasize instead. They aren’t sexual either, they are more about the feeling of being desired and loved.
The easy and obvious suggestion is to just ask her out, but this isn’t always feasible: maybe she is already taken, maybe it’s clear that she isn’t interested, but it doesn’t matter because I will hold on to the delusional belief that maybe it will work out.
I am otherwise well-adjusted (to the best of my knowledge), but I find it difficult to get myself out of this trap once I’ve fallen in. It’s easy to say things like “have an abundance mindset” and “accept it’s not going to happen,” but those are easier said than done.
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Sometimes the best thing to do is just not be around that person for a while until the feelings die down.
Talk to women more. You’ll start associating that kind of interaction as something normal.
Just don’t do that. Get rejected it helps
Sounds like you need some desensitization.
Talk to more women.
Learn when to to care and when not to care thin line to walk
Look into fixes for limerence (lots of books and podcast on the subject)
I’m not qualified to give advice, and this is just my opinion. There is such a thing called maladaptive daydreaming, so understand that you’re not alone in doing this or dealing with this. I would self-diagnose yourself if I were you, but just understand that it’s an overall mindset switch to be made. One part of maladaptive daydreaming is escaping from your life and mentally going away to a distant land/life. This might be a result of a slight insecurity, or the feeling of not being fully happy with yourself, how you are, or your confidence in getting a girlfriend. It might be that you’re subconsciously worried that you will lose this “good enough” prospect that you randomly came across, and that you don’t want it to end because you’re worried that you might not find someone better. This could also be the reason why you don’t want to ask her out, you don’t want to be faced with the possibility of it ending or the reality of you losing her. If you really cared about whether she was interested or already taken, you would get to know her and/or ask her out.
My suggestion would be to do good habits and productive things that will help you become better and more happy with yourself, and give you the confidence and positive self-image that would allow you to believe that you could find another girlfriend or a better girlfriend in the future. It’s not about “accepting that it’s not going to happen” or “learning to let go”, it’s about changing your mindset to “it doesn’t matter if it happens because I’m happy with myself and happy with what I’m doing, and I know that because I am making myself attractive and doing good things, I will be able to get the girlfriend I want later”.