AITA for backing out of my dad’s wedding after what his bride said to me?

r/

I (25F) was set to be a bridesmaid in my dad’s wedding. The best man is going to be my uncle who hurt me as a child. I didn’t want to go but my dad was so heartbroken I decided to go. I texted his bride and asked if my younger brother could go with me for support. She said yes but that she wished I could remember what happened to me. I said I have complex PTSD and that my memory may not remember but my trauma responses do (I go into psychosis every single time I see him) she then said that she doesn’t believe he did that to me, that somebody did but the way he acts and behaves is making me think it was him, that she’s known him her whole life etc etc. I backed out of the wedding and now she’s mad at me. But the way I see it is if you don’t appreciate the sacrifices (potential psychosis) I’m making by being in your wedding why be there at all? AITA?

Comments

  1. amyloulie Avatar

    NTA. Put yourself first seeing as though no one else is going to protect your wellbeing for you.

  2. opalfossils Avatar

    NTA I’m very sorry you are in this situation and I don’t want you to be forced into even more trauma. Please take care of yourself first and if that means missing the wedding then so be it.

  3. acegirl1985 Avatar

    Hold up…your dad’s best man is your uncle who hurt you and caused you to develop PTSD?

    Never mind his wife (she’s a total AH and a miserable wretch) that’s beside the point. Why in the hell is your father having the man who abused his child as his best man?

    How a family doesn’t cut someone like that off is just beyond me.

    NTA you are 100% in the right. You need to put your mental health first.
    I cannot believe you even considered going to an event with this monster.

    I don’t like how it seems like your family has just waved off what he did. Either they don’t believe you or they do but don’t care.

    I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this but please really think about your situation and these people. Anyone who supports an abuser and expects their victim to just ‘play nice’ to save face or whatever is nothing but a complacent apologist.

    People like this are why abusers are able to get away with it.

    NTA but please really think about the people in your life—don’t think about what biological connection you have to them—think about the effect they have on your life.

    Do they bring positivity, hope, love and happiness or do they bring anxiety, fear, pain and toxicity.

    Does having them as part of your life genuinely make your life better,
    Or worse?

    Please don’t let the brambles of genetic ties (which are little more than a cosmic roll of the dice) hold you down.

    Good luck op.

  4. False_Garden_3468 Avatar

    Your family is fucked in the head if they allow someone who s.a their child in the wedding. If never talk to them again. Fuck them. Nts

  5. llampie Avatar

    I really don’t give a shit what the connection could posssibly be, familial or otherwise, FUCK pedophile apologists.

    Nta

  6. GloveImaginary4716 Avatar

    Just going to glaze over the fact that your own father made your abuser his best man and tried guilting you into going??? NTA but geez with family like that who needs enemys

  7. JTBlakeinNYC Avatar

    NTA. Please, please find a therapist who specializes in recovery from childhood sexual trauma. ❤️

  8. GlitteringMoose3630 Avatar

    Go no contact with all of these people.

    Block them on everything. Get yourself some therapy. Live your best life.

    Sometimes when people hurt us they’re more concerned with how people see them, rather than what they did. If you go it would make it seem like you’re all one big happy family. Why go along with that deception?

  9. 0512052000 Avatar

    I’m so very sorry. I can’t believe your dad is still in contact with his brother.

    These people are crazy stay away from them. Block them all

  10. Jdpraise1 Avatar

    I fully support you doing what is best for your mental health, but I have to point out that you actually don’t know that he did anything to you. Transference is a very real response to trauma. I know this from personal experience. What does your therapist have to say in helping you discover your past and working through your trauma. They can help you get to the root of issues and help you both recover the memories that are causing your psychosis and allow you to heal.

  11. RJack151 Avatar

    NTA. Always cut toxic people out of your life.

  12. CJCreggsGoldfish Avatar

    You have to protect yourself, since these assholes don’t seem to give a shit or worry about protecting you.

  13. HolySheetCakes Avatar

    Your Dad was heartbroken but not enough to NOT invite your abuser?? Why would anyone who loves you put you in a position to even be near them? These are the questions you need to ask yourself. And just because your horrible step-monster-to-be has known this person her whole life doesn’t mean she actually knows him. Predators know who & how to fool people. Do yourself a favor & don’t go. NTA.

  14. FlashyHabit3030 Avatar

    NTA. Your mental health and wellbeing comes before her wedding.