Im 17M with my gf 16F we have been in a very loving relationship for a few months now and we been through a lot together, we’ve cried together shared our trauma together and we’ve grown so close and comfortable with each other and I love her to death and see a future with her, she makes me wanna be the very best version of my self for her and I find myself doing things that I would never do for a person but far from perfect and before I met I made mistakes I regret till this day.
Well a while ago, about 2 or 3 months before I met her I did something that I never thought I’d do, a gay male that I went to school with before texted me but we never talked or was in the same class or it was very random that he texted me I normally wud that avoid him entirely but I decided to text him back a few times then eventually… well very quickly he confessed that he had feeling for me but I shot it down very quickly but in a friendly manner telling him that I don’t swing that way and he said that it’s okay and he just wanted to tell me that and get it off his chest, but the he sent videos of himself twerking and one picture of him in the shower naked and he acted extra feminine so I guess I was turned on by the feminine energy because I started sending very explicit texts and I’m a very hpyersexual person with a high libido so I fell into temptation quickly I send him a picture of myself back nude and without even asking or anything he just started talking like we were dating and I guess I was driven my sexual desires because I didn’t shoot it down again.
Eventually he asked to meet up so we did and we ended up kissing and layed up with each other and he’s 17 btw, but he ended up recording us kissing and I didn’t know why but I didn’t stop him, I guess it was because I thought that nobody was gonna find out because he was telling me that he was fine with keeping it a secret and it went totally wrong he, posted the pictures on instagram but didn’t show my face but somehow people recognized me and rumors started but I denied them because people didn’t see my face and only said it looked like me.
I should’ve ended it there but we met up again and did the same thing but didn’t post it this time but the rumors were getting bad she he decided that it was for the best that we didn’t talk again, but it got even worse and the second video that he recorded got leaked somehow and it showed my full face and when I confronted him about it he insisted he didn’t show anyone. The video that was leaked looked like it was recorded off a phone screen so it wasn’t sent so I didn’t know if he was telling the truth or not. Everyone saw the video and I live in the Caribbean a very homophobic place so it wasn’t gonna end well.
All my friends left me I get weird looks all the time at school one friend even cursed me out I told myself it is what it is and I can’t change anything and this video leaked during my time in a relationship with my current girlfriend but she goes to a different school so I’m not sure if she knows.
I’m not attracted to any males or anything not a single thought like that or anything so I know I’m not in that area of person you know? But if she doesn’t know and does find out I really don’t know how she would react because she’s Jamaican and Jamaicans are very homophobic, well the males atleast, she jokes about gay people and it doesn’t seem to bother her but at times she makes me think that if she does find out that she’s gonna just leave me.
And well I guess I just wanna hear from some females perspective and what if this was their boyfriend.
I lied and told people that I was blackmailed into kissed him and that he took a picture of me naked while I was having relations with another female and they both blackmailed me into doing it that’s what I told everyone, well everyone that listened and I’m tempted to tell her the same thing before she finds out for herself instead of waiting for someone to tell her or maybe I should just tell me the truth
I just want some advice and perspective
TLDR: I had was blinded by sexual desire and had relations with a very feminine gay male a while ago and some people found out and now I’m afraid of what my gf will do if he finds out if she hasn’t found out already I live in a very homophobic country and my gf is Jamaican and their typically homophobic to the max so idk what she’ll do or think and I want to know what other females wud think if that was their bf and I generally want advice on what I should tell me before she finds out herself