**Am I being paranoid about my girlfriend hiding messages from her ex?**

Am I being paranoid about my girlfriend hiding messages from her ex?

My girlfriend and I met on eharmony and started talking on December 25th, 2024. She’s a widow who lost her husband just one month before messaging me (killed by a drunk driver). She was pregnant at the time and gave birth to their son in February 2025. We became official on January 19th, 2025.

The situation:

She was messaging an ex-boyfriend when we first started talking but stopped responding to him after we connected. However, he’s continued messaging her every 1-2 weeks since then. She never responded but also never blocked him or told him she was in a relationship.

We’ve kept our relationship secret at her request because she didn’t want judgment for dating so soon after her husband’s death. I agreed, but now realize this creates the perfect cover for cheating – she even has me hide my belongings when friends/family visit.

The incident:

Recently, her ex called her three times in one day (morning, noon, and 7pm). I only found out because I was there when the evening call came through. She clearly wanted to hide it – if I hadn’t been in the room, I don’t think she would’ve told me.

When confronted, she admitted it was wrong to hide this and finally sent him a message saying she’s in a relationship and blocked him. But I can’t shake the feeling she’s keeping him as a backup plan.

My concerns:

• Why didn’t she block him months ago?
• She could easily still be in contact through hidden apps, fake profiles, or incognito messaging
• I’ve been cheated on 5-6 times by exes, and this feels like the same pattern
• My insecurities are making me question everything

I love her and want this to work, but hiding an ex’s repeated messages doesn’t feel like something that happens in a healthy relationship. The secrecy is driving me crazy and making me feel worthless.

Am I being paranoid, or are these legitimate red flags? How do I move forward?

TL;DR: My widowed girlfriend (together 7 months) hid the fact that her ex was messaging her every 1-2 weeks. She never responded but also never blocked him until I caught him calling her. Combined with keeping our entire relationship secret, I’m worried she’s keeping him as a backup. Am I overthinking this or are these real red flags?