For reference, we’ve been together almost 8 years and engaged for almost 2. We also share 2 kids. When he proposed to me, it was surreal for about 2 weeks. But we never got engagement photos done, haven’t visited any venues, etc. I ask when we are going to start planning/doing anything wedding related and he is completely uninterested in it. Says that’s up to me and he really doesn’t care. I was so excited at first. Looking up dresses, venues in the area, color schemes, etc, but now I’m finding no joy or excitement in it. Advice on how to handle this?
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Just go to the courthouse and get it done.
Sounds like a shut up ring to be honest.
Oh, 8 years together. She’s yapping about it. I should probably make it look like I am doing something.
Here is a ring.
I don’t care about the rest. You figure it out. You should be happy with what I gave.
Maybe its a sign that its not the right person to marry.
This has shut up ring written all over it.
If you’re marrying someone, should probably marry the person who shares similar excitement to go down this journey with you.
Side track here on a relevant note. I know a couple that I knew from the past. They posted their “gender reveal” video on FB… Instantly I knew they weren’t going to last.
Popped the balloons. No jumping for joy together. No hugs given. No excitement. No exchanged kisses. Reeked of emotional distance… Just a kick of the balloon like thank god that’s over with. Are we done? type attitudes.
They broke up a year later.
That sounds like you two in the making. Just going through the formalities and not that into it. Doomed to fail.
He’s wasting your time. I’d have a serious sit down. Are we getting married or not? If he drags his feet and gives excuses, call this off.
It’s been 2 years since your engagement and still nothing and he seems disinterested? He doesn’t want to get married.
are u close w his mom you can see if she can light a fire under his ass?
You kind of made the mistake of having kids with him. You can choose not to get married but that’s going to be dicey with kids. Just go to the courthouse. In a way it’s a bit late to be checking if you like the guy. You’ve decided to have kids.8 years with kids. You’re already acting like you’re married so just go to the courthouse. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like he would be a great husband. I recommend marriage counseling and therapy counseling.
While you are in your early 20s…. Does he have the money to give you what you want? What is holding him back? Maybe do something small, but a wedding is literally the symbol of your union. Express to him how important it is to you to start planning and see what’s holding him up! Write down a budget and give him small tasks. Go from
There
He might just not be interested in wedding stuff. Planning a wedding is stressful and quite frankly SUCKS. But that doesn’t mean that getting married sucks. Have you asked if he’s just not interested in the wedding aspect but still wants to get married?
Some people aren’t that interested in getting married. And some people are fine with getting married but aren’t that interested in weddings.
Sounds like he doesn’t care about either but would go with whatever you plan. You got a shut up ring.
He probably doesn’t feel the need to marry as you have been together for 8 and have two kids. I would let him know you were happy to be engaged and still want to get married. I would work on it from there and ask what would he like to see hapoen? Does he just want to go to the court house? Then try and find some middle gound. Like getting married at a local park with a minister or judge and have a small reception after.
Do you really want to marry someone who obviously doesn’t want to marry you? Take your kids and get out. You can coparent and find someone who loves you
Women grew up with Barbie dolls, Cinderella, and the fantasy wedding.
Men grew up with GI Joe and Transformers.
Those are all your fantasies, not his.
Why should he marry you ?
He’s got all the benefits of a wife and no legal responsibility…
You get what you put up with…
move on.
If getting married will provide you and your children needed protections then you need to take that shit up ring and steamroll the wedding forward.
If it protects and affords you and your children better protections you’ll need to throw romance and your own dreams of such out the window.
You’ll need to book the courthouse (or whatever your country has) and have him do it .
Be prepared for a shitty husband and the like. But none of that matters. YOU and your want of romance doesn’t matter.
Be smart and get your protections if needed. I’d not then walk.
But there are early days and you’ll do well to be pragmatic and cold within yourself. Your days of romance and the like have been done for awhile… I bet before you even had kids with this man.
You’re only 24. What is the rush aside from better tax implications?
Not everyone thinks a wedding is a big deal. It sounds like he understands it’s important to you and is leaving it to you.
Please remind yourself that a wedding is one day, a marriage is hopefully for the rest of your life.
Why are you waiting around for him. Sit him down one evening and go over your wedding budget. Is mom and dad helping? Tell him that he has said he does not care about the planning so you will do it all. If he wants input he needs to give it to you now. If he puts the brakes on you then you know he just doesn’t want to marry you. He already has a family with you so why change things. BUT if he say ok then you know he is not a planner. Tell him you don’t want him to feel left out so he can plan the honeymoon. Grooms love that.
8 years, 2 kids have been brought into the mix, ask yourself, do you guys parent well together? Are you good? Do you have fun? Are you supportive of each other? Encouraging? I ask because you’re going to have to decide if you’d rather have him or be married because he doesn’t want to be married (at least to you.) If you’re going to stay with him unmarried, you better think about some of the legal issues. You’re not his immediate next of kin. You both ought to have wills, and life insurance which name the other as the beneficiary. Or if you love your kids more than each other, set up a trust for their benefit.
But maybe this lack of a wedding is part of a larger pattern. Maybe all is not that great. Is your partner generally unsupportive? Not a good co-parent? Not interested in your hopes, dreams, goals in general? If that is the case, now is the time to bail. He’s not going to suddenly change after 8 years. Get a lawyer and hash out a custody agreement on paper, because chances are, if he meets someone new you will suddenly need something official to guide care of the children.
I think if you love each other and wish to stay together the sooner you start living in reality and accept there will be no wedding the more you will relax, stop feeling tension and resentment. But if you don’t love each other that much, even if you can get this person to a courthouse wedding, under duress, the marriage won’t relieve the intense sadness you will feel about it not being the wedding you envisioned.
You need to go talk to the folks over at r/waiting_to_wed.
Is he not interested in the actual wedding, or not interested in being married? If he’s just not a party/wedding guy, then just plan it how you want it and ask him questions along the way. If he’s not interested in progressing your relationship, that’s another story. I was super excited to be married to my husband and the wedding wasn’t that important honestly. Sounds like your fiancé isn’t that invested in being married.
Is he not interested in marriage or a wedding? Because those 2 things are very different.
He’s a smart man . Don’t get married!!! It’s a silly thing to do
Have you told him how much it’s bothering you? It’s possible that he just doesn’t really care about weddings but will adjust if he knows it’s something you care about. It’s also possible though that he doesn’t see the benefits of marriage given that he is already living a “married” lifestyle without the ring, an all too common attitude with guys these days
If he won’t marry you, he’s not a fiancé. He’s just a baby daddy and a lying one at that
Stop settling for nonsense like this.
Dump him. Take him to court for support and visitation.
Why are you staying with a liar?
You say he’s completely disinterested in planning, doing anything wedding related, and he doesn’t care.
You DON’T say he’s uninterested in getting married
He may be, he may not be, but being uninterested in planning a wedding does not necessarily mean he’s uninterested in getting married
Ask him if he is still interested in getting married
You know. Talk to him.
For whatever it’s worth, I worked in the bridal industry helping grooms select their looks for the big day for many years. I would say of every 100 men I met with, maybe 5 were like…psyched and interested and had opinions. The rest did not care about the details and just wanted their fiance to be happy.
That being said, I would still consider what your reasoning is for actually wanting to get married. Is it security, both legally and financially? Or is it love? I watched many people get married for the wrong reasons.
Personally, I don’t plan or want to ever get married. I live happily with my partner and no children, and while I do love him, when you set aside that big fun party and the fancy dress, as a woman today I’m not really sure that marriage would help me versus hinder me. Just food for thought.
You got a shut up ring. He’s tired of explaining to others and yourself about why he hasn’t sealed the deal yet. He has all the makings of a marriage and the rest is just paperwork and who actually needs that? He doesn’t want to get married and all the time that you invested, having his children has not changed that. I’m so sorry.
If he doesn’t want to get married, you’re not engaged.
You’ve been together since you were 16 and 18. Take his lead and forget about getting married. Your brain hasn’t even finished developing (seriously, it’s 25 for women, 25-30 for men).
Have you been to college? Europe? Have you lived alone? Girl, there’s so much more to life than a ring on your finger. Go live out loud. I say this as a twice married woman. The second time happily after the age of 30, but with two kids with my first. I’m telling you now, when a man wants to marry you, you KNOW it and he DOES it.
Did he propose because he wanted to get married? Or did he propose because you wanted to get married?
you’ve been together for 8 years and you have two kids. i’m going to assume you do ask of the wife things. cook, clean, kids, sex…
the only incentive he has to marry you would be to make you feel happy and secure. and he doesn’t want to do that…
you uh…you sure you want to lock that in for life?