I (27f) was excited when my bestfriend (27m) told me he had proposed to his girlfriend (29f). He said he had the proposal on video. I was so confused when the video started out in woman’s gym. When I saw his girlfriend on an exercise machine in the video, I had a bad feeling. She looked so shocked and she said yes. She only looked happy for 2 minutes and the rest of the time she gave an insincere smile.
My bestfriend expressed frustration that his fiancee had confessed she wasn’t happy with the proposal after he asked her why she looked so sad. He was venting to me and asked me how I feel if a guy proposed to me while I was at the gym. I guess he really expected me to agree with him, but I said I would hate it. I said I don’t want to be proposed to when I’m sweaty and stinky at the gym. I basically explained to him that I understood why she was disappointed. My bestfriend called me shallow and a bad friend. Am I the asshole ?
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I (27f) was excited when my bestfriend (27m) told me he had proposed to his girlfriend (29f). He said he had the proposal on video. I was so confused when the video started out in woman’s gym. When I saw his girlfriend on an exercise machine in the video, I had a bad feeling. She looked so shocked and she said yes. She only looked happy for 2 minutes and the rest of the time she gave an insincere smile.
My bestfriend expressed frustration that his fiancee had confessed she wasn’t happy with the proposal after he asked her why she looked so sad. He was venting to me and asked me how I feel if a guy proposed to me while I was at the gym. I guess he really expected me to agree with him, but I said I would hate it. I said I don’t want to be proposed to when I’m sweaty and stinky at the gym. I basically explained to him that I understood why she was disappointed. My bestfriend called me shallow and a bad friend. Am I the asshole ?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took that should be judged is telling my bestfriend I understood why his fiancee was so disappointed that he proposed to her at the gym.
The action might make me the asshole since my bestfriend called me shallow and a bad friend.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
nta he asked for your opinion and you gave it. as a girl i hold the very same opinion. i wouldn’t want to be proposed to in any situation where i’m all sweaty and yucky feeling.
NTAH. He asked for your opinion, and you gave it. Age old saying goes, if you don’t want the truth, don’t ask the question.
And yes, his proposal seemed very lazy and I, too, would be unhappy about it.
Don’t ask questions you aren’t ready to hear the answers to….
I mean, I agree with you. A gym is an odd place to propose unless there is a specific reason for it, like that’s where you met and you love that story, or that’s how you bond, or whatever.
He’s just upset that he disappointed his fiance and he needs to come to terms with that.
NTA. How are you a bad friend for telling him the truth? If anything he should be asking you to help him understand why it was a bad idea. Me personally, I don’t see the problem. But I can understand why someone else may feel different. He needs to grow up if he still needs ‘yes men’ at 27.
NTA. Your “bestfriend” like being “sweaty and stinky”?
NTA, I get that he doesn’t want to hear after the fact that he deeply fucked up but that’s the worst proposal location I’ve ever heard of, and he did ask for your opinion
NTA but for me, any proposal given anywhere is a good thing. If the bride to be gets to choose the setting of the proposal then she better be the one down on one knee doing the proposing. He wanted to propose and for whatever reason, he thought the gym was a good place to do it. Now he’s learned she was not happy, well this does not bode well for their future happiness because if he knows her so little that he gets the location of the proposal all wrong, what else will he get wrong once they marry.
YTA
Got asked by the person she loves to spend the rest of her life with him and all ya’ll can do is complain about where it happened…….. If the love of my life asked me to marry them, I would say yes and be happy about it.
NTA. That’s a super weird setting unless they’re both major gym rats and I’m always wary about super public proposals, because it feels like the person doing the proposing is applying pressure.
He asked you, you were honest, and he didn’t like your answer. That’s 100% on him.
>My bestfriend called me shallow
This response actually makes it worse. This feels like the kind of thing that was basically testing the fiancee like is she going to be a “cool girl” or will she be disappointed/upset by this thoughtless proposal?
If he thinks you’re shallow for not liking it, what does he think about her? Your friend doesn’t sound like a great dude.
I wouldn’t want to be proposed to at the gym.
NTA. Don’t ask a question if you don’t want the answer 🤷🏽♀️ I get why she’d be disappointed too. Is there some significance there for them as a couple? If yes, IDK why she’s actually upset but I definitely would’ve recommended doing it BEFORE she’s all sweaty. If no, why on earth would he choose that spot??
NTA, I’m a man and would never do this. What was this guy thinking? Make the proposal at a romantic location…
NTA for having an opinion and giving it to him when he asked. He’s being a baby.
He’s asking for your opinion because his grilfriend didn’t like how he proposed, and when you agree with her, he calls you ‘shallow’? Apparently, he was not really asking for your opinion: he wanted confirmation that his sloppy proposal was ‘ok’. NTA, and he’s the one who is ‘shallow’.
So your friend just looks for excuses to not listen to or respect the women in his life. And he’s your best friend…. why?
….. wtf does he not have a romantic bone in his body 😭😭😭??? Absolutely NTA, someone had to give him a reality check.
NTA, he did this for him and had no consideration on how she would feel in the moment. Red flag red flag red flag
NTA. I mean, he did ask you and you were honest, so like, he shouldn’t ask questions if he doesn’t like the answer.
Also, you are correct, most people do not like public proposals to begin with, and will often say yes because all the eyes around them are creating pressure, never mind when you’re really sweaty and listening to Eye of the Tiger on your Airpods while guzzling water and thinking about taking a long shower.
NTA
He shouldn’t have asked if he wasn’t ready to hear the truth. My husband proposed to me privately at an almost empty restaurant we love.
For me, the privacy and no pictures/recordings were perfect.
A good friend of ours set up a Disney Cinderella themed proposal, another did a proposal at the top of a climb after a hike.
Each of these proposals were perfect for each individual.
While it’s true it doesn’t matter where you propose, it doesn’t matter in the context of there’s no right/wrong place to do it in general, as long as it’s something that is in line with your partners taste.
NTA, also hold on a second, did you say womens gym? As in like he entered a women’s only gym & proposed to her? My BF & I love to go to the gym together but it would be sooo uncomfortable if he proposed at our gym lol
NTA, your friend is a knucklehead for proposing at the gym.
AT THE GYM! nta. Your buddy needs some life lessons.
NTA – don’t ask a question if you don’t want an honest answer.
I always thought it would be the worst thing ever to be proposed to in a restaurant with everyone else staring and potentially clapping? Big yikes for an introvert. But this dude managed to take that horror level and obliterate it. The GYM?!?!? Oh hell no. NTA, he needed to hear that truth, he’s both clueless and thoughtless.
A women’s gym? Thats even worse. Its not like, its their together place. This was her gym. Why would he feel the need to do a surprise public proposal at all, but to do it in a place that she holds for herself, not one of their couple-spots is just so self centered.
You’re NTA, but dang I hope he was just reacting – sometimes when we are criticized our initial reaction is to get defensive and angry; later, after we have processed, we can take the words to heart and recognize our flaws. Please give him the space and grace to realize he did screw up. He asked, you answered honestly. He needs to own his own behavior.
To have a girl best friend and still fumble this hard smh 🤦🏾♀️ smh now both women looking at him sideways