Throwaway account. I’ve (F28) been with my boyfriend (26M) for almost 3 years. I thought everything was going great. We were long distance for the last year and a half but I was planning on moving up to where he was in Oregon in September. I’m in Florida. I even had a job lined up out there and everything. He’s been telling me how excited he is for me to come there and we start a life together finally.
He’s made some friends out there and I got added into a group chat with all of them, it was pretty cool and just us sending memes and bull shitting. We also all play video games together. I really liked these people and all of a sudden I saw that I was kicked from the group chat. I message my boyfriend and ask if everything was okay. He didn’t message me back all day which wasn’t unusual due to the time difference and his job. Then later that night, he opened my message but didn’t reply. I message again asking if everything was okay. While waiting for his reply, I got curious and clicked on the profiles of everyone I was in a group chat with and saw that I was blocked from messaging all 5 of them.
My boyfriend finally messages me back and says he’s sorry but he’s done with me and that he’s felt this way for a long time and that he wishes me well. That he can’t do long distance anymore, and that things haven’t been right since we went long distance. It came out of nowhere because literally a week ago, we were talking about marriage in the future and how our apartment was going to look. He said he worries he’ll always chase how things were for us when we first got together. We were talking about getting a dog together. Up until the day before this happened he’s been calling me every night telling me he loves me. We were literally counting down the days for me to move. Less than 2 weeks. I tried to get him to tell me what’s going on and why this is happening so suddenly, and I got blocked. It’s been 3 days now and I’m still in shock. I haven’t stopped crying, I feel like shit, and I have dreams about him every night. I usually don’t even dream. But ever since this happened, I have dreams about him now and I wake up feeling awful. Last night I had a dream that we were just sitting in my car and talking and laughing and I woke up feeling absolutely gutted.
I don’t know what happened. I’ve never cheated or done anything to break his trust. He’s had the passwords to all of my stuff for a while. Literally the day before this happened, we were looking on FaceTime together for couches we liked.
We have barely ever fought. I remember the last time we did was in January and it was over something silly.
I don’t know what to do. I’m not going to go crazy and beg him to unblock me, I don’t wanna harass him, I just don’t know what to do. I feel torn apart. I dropped my whole life out here to go be with him permanently, finally. I got a job lined up out there. I was so excited to go out there and make more memories with him.
Do I think he cheated? Tbh no. But now it’s hard to say because prior to this I would have told you that I know who he is as a person and he’d never do that, but then this coming out of left field so suddenly, do I even know him?
Nothing significant has happened really. We’ve had chats of intimacy lately? He’s a virgin and we haven’t done much sexually due to him being nervous and not ready and he was telling me that he was ready to go further once we moved in together if that was ok with me. He said he hasn’t had an issue that I’ve had 2 previous partners in my life. Other than that, everything has been normal or so I thought. I’ve recently met his parents because they were on a vacation nearby where I currently live so we met up for lunch and they told him that they loved me and were happy for us.
We’ve had talks about his insecurities many times and he’s always told me about how he doesn’t like himself. He thinks he’s too skinny, too weird and awkward. I’ve always reassured him that I thought he was so handsome and perfect the way he is. I love all of his quirks and everything about him.
Even if he unblocked me and apologized I don’t think I could go back. This shit hurts so bad. Now I’m trying to pick up the pieces, figure out a new plan for my job and where I’ll go, everything. Leaving my job, ending my lease where I’m at, all of it. If he was having doubts about the relationship I wish I’d have known sooner before I uprooted my entire life to go be with him. At least I didn’t move out there yet and get dumped in a new state I guess. But now I’m struggling on figuring out where to go, and finding a job.
“Just move on” yeah I want to but it’s hard. I genuinely thought we’d be together forever. He was telling me just 4 days ago that he wanted to marry me and everything. Hopefully in time I’ll feel better, I’m still in shock and can’t do much right now besides cry. I want so badly to find a way to message him and be like WTF but I’m not going to do that. Like there was no hints, no fights, no goodbye.
I’m seriously in so much shock that I can’t rationalize this. My mind has even wandered into dark thoughts on if he’s depressed or suicidal. But then I’ll remember how all of his friends blocked me too. I don’t know. I wish I could think of something to make this make sense. No fights, no cheating, plans to be together forever, now this. Like what happened. 😔
Comments
Honestly, I would put my money on 1. He’s already cheated on you or 2. He’s found someone he wants to sleep with and is dumping you to avoid cheating
Either way, you deserved so much better than what he did and please know, this is nothing on you or about you.
I don’t know, honestly, how you find closure except to move on and live a better life with a better life and knowing you avoided someone who is clearly not who he portrayed himself to be.
I’m still very, very sorry.
Just cry and cry baby girl. Let it out. Cos you’re going to be crying for the next 3-4 weeks and then it’ll taper off to like 5 days, 4 days, 3 days…you get the picture. Don’t listen to your usual music. I do suggest writing whether it be on paper or in your phone down how betrayed you feel, and how you have no closure on something so unexpected and don’t deserve that at all. I did. I made it my profile picture that only he could see. I changed it daily and if he saw it then so be it. I didn’t contact him. He contacted me though. 3 weeks later. He apologized and my dumb ass let him back in my heart. Then he did it again and I let him back in. Then he did it again when college started. He came back but I didn’t let him in. I’ll love him from over here. We’ll never be together. I had to feel that heartache to not let him in again. Please get your job and apt back if you can. Work through it. You can, and it’s the only choice you have. Just avoid triggers. Listen to music you don’t usually listen to. Just keep busy. I’m so sorry this happened to you. My eyes are watering typing this. I feel your pain. 🫶🏼
Chances are he has found someone else. Long distance relationships have a low success rate for obvious reasons.
The fact that he gave little to no explanation is telling of the value he placed on your relationship. Ppl will play along until things no longer serve them.
Don’t over think it too much. Personally, I would mentally go back and think of any signs.. If only so I could spot them next time.
Ultimately.. let go (as hard as it can be). Accept that it wasn’t your fault and realise that there are many others that won’t treat you that shitty. Don’t let it poison you.
Avoid long distance relationships though 😂