So I (24F) and my boyfriend who I’ll call N (26M) have been together for around two years. I got my cat, Toby, six years ago and I love him with all my heart.
Last night, N came over to my apartment, and we were just sitting on my couch watching Netflix while eating snacks. Pretty standard stuff. Toby eventually jumped onto the couch and started trying to cuddle with me. N seemed to get a bit pissed off at this, but I ignored it and started cuddling Toby.
After a few minutes, N started subtly trying to push Toby off me. I got really confused at this, and asked what the hell he was doing. He started talking about how Toby was ‘taking all my attention’ and that he felt ‘unloved’. Mind you, I didn’t stop being affectionate with N while cuddling Toby. My head was on his shoulder and I was holding his hand with my free one. I told him that he was being ridiculous, and he said “I’m not being ridiculous, you just like that dumb cat more than me!” I was pissed and tired at this point, so I just asked him to leave my apartment.
He’s been blowing up my phone ever since he got home saying stuff like “I can’t believe you kicked me out over that stupid cat” and “All I wanted was for you to pay attention to me”. I haven’t responded yet.
AITA?
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So I (24F) and my boyfriend who I’ll call N (26M) have been together for around two years. I got my cat, Toby, six years ago and I love him with all my heart.
Last night, N came over to my apartment, and we were just sitting on my couch watching Netflix while eating snacks. Pretty standard stuff. Toby eventually jumped onto the couch and started trying to cuddle with me. N seemed to get a bit pissed off at this, but I ignored it and started cuddling Toby.
After a few minutes, N started subtly trying to push Toby off me. I got really confused at this, and asked what the hell he was doing. He started talking about how Toby was ‘taking all my attention’ and that he felt ‘unloved’. Mind you, I didn’t stop being affectionate with N while cuddling Toby. My head was on his shoulder and I was holding his hand with my free one. I told him that he was being ridiculous, and he said “I’m not being ridiculous, you just like that dumb cat more than me!” I was pissed and tired at this point, so I just asked him to leave my apartment.
He’s been blowing up my phone ever since he got home saying stuff like “I can’t believe you kicked me out over that stupid cat” and “All I wanted was for you to pay attention to me”. I haven’t responded yet.
AITA?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA – just break up with him. He’s not worth it.
NTA. Some dudes act like that over actual babies. Better to have seen this behavior now.
NTA. Dude’s jealous of a cat? In my house my husband is jealous the cat sits on me and not him.
Well, he usually gets one of the cats, but our biggest one only wants to cuddle with me, to my dismay 🙂
Protect your cat, lose the “man”.
NTA
NTA. What grown man gets jealous over a cat? This guy sounds like a red flag to me for sure.
NTA obviously. He should learn to communicate better instead of deflecting about a cat lol
NTA this dude needs to grow up! Good riddance, you and Toby deserve better.
NTA.
Sounds like you need a new bf. Dude getting jealous over a cat is crazy…..
NTA and PLEASE break up with him! He’s pissed he wasn’t the center of attention, and that isn’t going to stop. It’s just going to get worse, this is a HUGE red flag.
NTA
Dump him and mail any stuff of his he left behind. Alert your friends that you’re not together and are concerned about his anger.
NTA, you NEED to break up with him before he gets worse. Acting pissy about your cat getting attention is only the beginning, trust me.
Keep the cat, lose the man. NTA
NTA. But this is a major red flag. I’ve dated someone like this before. Don’t be surprised if the cat goes missing or runs away on his watch. Ditch the jealous weirdo, keep the cuddly cat.
NTA – He’s over-reacted. BUT… is there possibly some other underlying issues that this episode could be bringing to the surface. Asking about that might be a good ‘next step’
NTA he’s older than you and Is acting very emotional and immature and that’s a red flag. The fact that he isn’t sorry about aggressively trying to separate you from your cat and isn’t showing any integrity of any wrongdoing,
I personally wouldn’t take him back. It’s been 6 years you’ve owned that cat, so clearly your bf isn’t an animal lover.
I’ve had my female pitbull for over 3 years at the time I met my wife. Till this day if anything my wife treats our dog named Scooby better than me even before we were married, taking her to the vet doing her nails we both treat our dog like our daughter!
Anywho I’m not going to say leave him as surely that’s what everyone on reddit says most of the time. I don’t know your whole situation regarding the relationship with this man since he’s part of the relationship, I don’t like to assume. Is he willing to compromise like going to counseling regarding his jealousy ? If not then it’s a no go for me.
If yes is he actually going to do it ? Again you know, your man in this relationship more than me.
Also another question has he acted like this before?
NTA. N is immature, insecure, and controlling. I bet that if you look back at your relationship, there have been other times when he tries to dominate/control you. Do you really want to continue your relationship with him? Now that his mask has slipped a bit, he will increase in his ill will toward your cat. Toby is not safe if N has access to your apartment. N may decide to permanently remove Toby, or “accidently” let him out so that he meets his demise on a busy street. It is very concerning that N persisted in expressing jealousy of Toby today. He obviously still feels that he is in the right. It’s important that you understand that he was trying to control you by demanding all of your attention the previous night. The reason he got angry was that he failed to get you to change your behavior. This is someone to avoid like the plague, as he will only get worse.
Clear out all of N’s stuff and leave it outside of your apartment building. You don’t want N coming to your apartment and trying to get in. Just send him a text letting him know where his stuff is and that he can get it whenever he likes, but not to contact you. Then block his number, don’t answer the door if it’s N, and if he persists, call the police. You are lucky to have found out the true nature of your “boyfriend” before things got any worse.
NTA. You are an adult. Maybe you should find an adult to be your boyfriend.
NTA. Your bf is a twit.
NTA. Please ditch him and never let him in your place again. It might not seem like a big deal but these are the kinds of people who hurt animals over stupid jealousy like this.
Good thing hes not competing with a child. Run, girl, run. Animals r more loyal.
NTA. If he has children in the future, he’s going to drive his spouse insane.
He’s not going to be a great parent with this attitude.
NTA also major red flag, if you have kids he will get jealous of them also. This kind of insecurity he really should see a therapist about
NTA You and Toby deserve a man who treasures him as much as you do. Do not settle for less than true, enthusiastic love for the Tobs!
NTA. You do mean “ex”, right?
NTA, if he’s that jealous over a cat then how far is it going to go? What if you get hit on, is he going to punch someone? Ain’t no way this is going to work out.
NTA, and dump him. This is a test, make sure he’s the one that fails it.
NTA. Time to find a cat person BF because that guy would no longer be my bf.
NTA. Jerk is jealous over a cute cat. Hope he doesn’t harm your cat when you’re not looking. He called your cat stupid!!! Dump him. Find a guy who loves animals or 🐈
Yuck get you a man who wants to cuddle Toby too. My bf loves my cats
NTA your boyfriend sounds like the dumb animal
NTA. Dump him (the man, not the cat).
NTA.
So, I have a friend who had two cats before he met his now-wife.
They agreed that the cats were there first and, while they wouldn’t get more cats after the current cats passed (because she was allergic), she did not ask him to get rid of his cats.
Your hopefully-now-ex-boyfriend is insecure and a jerk. The cat was there first. Just because you give that cat attention doesn’t mean he doesn’t get any.
I hope you find someone who loves both you and your cat.
My ex husband was like that, and eventually, he acted like that over our newborn son. Then he started cheating on me as revenge for being a new mom. Please take this seriously, this guy is not the one.. NTA, he’s a trash human
Keep not responding.
This is not a secure man. You’ve had the cat your entire relationship and he’s acting this way now? Like is this new?If it was a one-off, maybe something was bothering him specifically and he needed/wanted your affection. But he is mid-20’s he can use his words and not hte ones that say ‘you like your cat more than me’, lol.
It may be true now, though, might it? lol
NTA. This man deserves to be dumped. Jealous of a cat, how pathetic.
YTA because you have a cat.
Honestly, I don’t think there’s any coming back from that, personally. The fact that he sees the cat as competition at all means he is not relating to it in a normal pet way, and it will never be safe in his presence. He will be looking for ways to separate you from the cat, to get rid of the cat, or, in the worst case, to hurt the cat.
I would tell him something along the lines of “The fact that you think that you’re in competition with my cat is such a big red flag that I am all the way out in one move.” And then find a guy who can be normal about you having a pet.
NTA.
He’s not your person, protect TOBY always!
NTA- Oh my god!! Get out while you can!! This isn’t a red flag. It’s a full-blown fire alarm!
It only starts with a cat. Then it’s your family. Then it’s your job, so you stay home. You can’t afford a second car payment, so he takes you places. Then he swears you cheated on him, and he hits you. Apologizes and subtly blames you. One day, you try to leave but have no money, no car, no job, and no support system.
His behavior will only escalate if you continue this relationship. The safety and life of the cat is potentially at risk, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it could turn into aggressive action towards you.
N is not okay.
Team Toby.
NTA