It’s only me and this coworker in the building. We work 40 hours a week, she is 55 I am 22M. Ever since I started working here (7 months ago) we’ve been good normal friends, but the last 2 months I’ve felt like quitting my job everyday because of her. I got sick and tired of her always telling me her problems, how her kids mistreat her, how much debt and how she’s a single mother of 5 kids. I understand hearing life is hard sometimes. But I hear “ life is so hard” and “I’m so tired” almost every day I am exhausted. Part of this is my fault because I didn’t draw boundary by not making friends with her at work.
And she’s been bringing her 18 year old son to work every few weeks and brought her daughter to work once. It made me frustrated, I really don’t wanna see them, I don’t care for them. They’re cool I get along, but I don’t wanna see them at work. I gave her son advice how to navigate life after high school, I’m just sick and tired of hearing her problems with her kids. Part of this is my fault I should’ve drawn the line earlier, really should’ve kept her strictly as a coworker friend and shut down any convo surrounding personal life
But the nail in the coffin was when last Friday. Mind you we work 40 hours a week mon-Friday. She goes to her other job every Friday for the past 2 months and I cover for her. Only reason why i did was because i sympathized with the fact she’s a single mother with 5 kids, with a lot of debt and the fact supervisor rarley comes. So 1 hour past our shift on friday, she forgot to clock in while she was at her other job. I get a call from scheduling, I had feeling they would ask me where she is. I didn’t pick up, i called her multiple times no answer. I called her son, they were together at her other job I asked her if she clocked in. She said no, and she had the audacity to yell at me and say “ why didn’t you clock in for me!!”. She did give me her login before in case she would forget to clock in on fridays. I told her I forgot with hostile tone.
I called scheduling and I told them yes she’s here, she forgot to clock in. And I also said she left to grab her food which is why she didn’t pick up your call. They said ok.
I was super angry the entire time.
She arrives with her son, and she said sorry for yelling at you, gave me side hug and said “ you’re my son I should be able to yell at you”.
At this moment, really wanted to let it out but her son was there. It would be awkward for him having to see me say things in front of his mom.
And she’s been calling me her son ever since I was working, I’ve never called her my mom, not once.
They both sat next to me, our tables are normally 1-2 meters apart: I kept the convo short the entire time with her. She left to her car, I spoke with her son normally what’s up and all. When she came back I was silent again. I then grabbed my stuff and moved to table across the building. She came asked why am I sitting here i told her “ I don’t wanna ever have conversation again, I wanna keep it work only” she said ok and left to her car with her son.
She called me in the car twice , I didn’t pick up. I called back,
She asked “ I’m just checking on you how’re you”
I said
“ I’m ok”
She then said
“We will call you when we’re leaving “
I said
“Alright”
They called again I didn’t pick up. Our shift ended I went home.
I never wanna interact with her again, I’m not going to put my job in jeaprody. I don’t care for her kids misbehaving. I am sick and tired of hearing her problems everyday. I’m tired of her telling me “ everyone always does me evil, I always do good for them and they do me evil” if she thinks I’m doing her evil for ignoring her I don’t care.
If she speaks with me again, I’ll make it clear one more time to never speak with me again unless it’s work related. If she continues, I’ll keep ignoring. I blocked her son and daughter number. I wanna block her too but I might need to contact her for work related purposes.
I really want advice on how to navigate this in the long term. I plan on staying for the next 12 months. It’s a security job, it’s me, her and one other security guard whose contract is ending shortly.
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So you clock in for her when she is late and then have to lie to the employer that she is there? That is so wrong, tell her you won’t do that again. But all up this sounds to awkward if you need to keep the job just ignore them as you started doing. Start looking for another job the further you are away from her the better.
I have found myself in similar situations before, and honestly, it’s still something I’m still working on with a therapist. In my situation a lot of it stems from people pleasing. So, when other people have porous boundaries I have a hard time reeling it in, and maintaining (and sometimes even remembering) mine. It’s almost like my brain goes autopilot. My therapist is helping me work on using my intuition in moments PRIOR to getting involved with people I don’t really want to be friends with.
The best advice I can give to you is to stop centering her while you are at work. Don’t give too much info about your personal life, don’t engage in back and forth. If I were you, I would also start bringing in books/other things to do while at work in place of speaking to her. Do NOT be rude to her or totally ignore her, but just give a little distance. Focus more on doing your job, even little things….Ideally, in time, she will find something else to focus on other than you as well!
If her behavior gets worse, or she starts to harass you, I would report her to HR.
Hey OP, Sorry you’re going through this. It’s one thing to share a little, another to over share. Just a friendly piece of advice, I wouldn’t login for her & I wouldn’t lie for her. Not sure where you’re located, I am in the US & previously worked for a multinational company. At one time, many years ago, we had people covering for each other logging each other in & when it came to light, all that were involved were fired for falsifying records. My rule was always I am not risking my job for someone else. While I didn’t tell on people, I wasn’t going to do anything that would jeopardize my job. In at will states, lying for someone else could be seen as dishonest & could be considered a valid reason for termination. I’m not telling you what you should do, but it appears this person is getting on your nerves. I get she’s a single mom, but she needs to work out with the company regarding hours &/or scheduling to work her 2 jobs. She should not be putting you in this position. Wishing you all the best & good luck!
She’s hustling you. She knows exactly what she’s doing. It’s predatory behavior. She’s not your friend. She’s also gonna blame you when you get caught and fired. You just say no. No more covering. Im not getting fired for you. This is inappropriate. The end. Cut her off if she tries anything
You need to handle this delicately. You dont need to be her friend, but you need to be cordial. Her asking you to lie to your employer is risky, but to be frank, employers lie to their employees all the time. I would just tread that situation lightly. Don’t do anything illegal. Don’t go out of your way to cover for her, but don’t be a narc either. I wouldn’t frame it to her as “dont talk to me unless it is work related.” You don’t want to contribute to a hostile work relationship. Tell her you are empathetic to her, but you don’t want to risk your own job by lying to your employer. Tell her you can’t be part of her double booking operation anymore. As for her calling you son, I would let that slide. I would also be nice to her kids. At the end of the day, you should try and have good relationships with your co-workers, especially if you ever want to unionize.
Buy a pair of headphones if your job allows it 🤔
When you say you ‘cover for her’ on Fridays, I sincerely hope that doesn’t mean you clock her in and out when in fact she is not working.
Because that is fraud and not only will it get you fired, and/or blacklisted, depending on the amount of pay being stolen you could possibly be criminally charged.
I suggest you document everything (her insistence, her harassment, this being her idea; emails voicemails texts ANYTHING to cover your ass in case you are busted) and from here on out tell her to Eff off. Clearly, fully, fuck off.