I, 16M have lied about basically everything in my entire life. I don’t know why, but for some reason, I cant stop myself. And it’s not just little white lies. It’s everything I’ve ever done. Where I’m from. How I feel, Things that have happened to me, My own name for christ sake. And I lie about things that happened in my past because I have an addiction to the attention the lies and stories bring.
Thats not even the worst of it.
I am an unfaithful person to the people i date and I try so unbelievably hard to be faithful, and loyal, but for whatever reason I have 0 self control for anything. I feel so bad for my little siblings and parents knowing that they’re related to me. And all of my friends. I’ve hurt them without them or even me realizing it. No one knows my secret(s). It’s to the point where I’m so wrapped up in my own lies and mistakes that I’m thinking about running away to France and joining their Foreign legion.
I’m too young for this.
The worst part about it is, I know that I have these problems and I know what I’m doing is wrong and that I am truly a terrible person. But no matter what I cant stop myself, I have no self control, and I hate myself more than I have ever been able to love anything else. I dont know what to do anymore. I’m so lost.
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Just say your being sarcastic or its need to know xD
Damn bro, I ain’t gonna lie, this hits deep. First up, kudos for facing up to this. Self-awareness is key, man. Not gonna sugarcoat it – you messed up, but who hasn’t? You’re 16, still got time to change. Maybe seek some help? Therapist or counselor can set you straight. Remember, it’s never too late to become who you should’ve been. Stay strong dude, you ain’t alone.💪🏽🔥
I’m 17F and the same
If you are not lying in your post you can benefit from therapy. It seems that you’re quite self-aware, and that’s a good thing, but you need help with obtaining tools and developing habits that can change things for you. Ask your parents about it or talk to a school counselor.
Go to therapy
I’m a therapist by training. I can’t really help from where I sit. But it seems that you life isn’t ‘working’ for you. Please find someone that can deal with pathological lying.
I don’t believe you bro, you lie a lot
Read this small book it’s will change your life forever and I will guarantee you Don’t read this book if you want to stop lying ! Warning. The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz . I’ll explain something of all the lies that you told how many people believed them ??? Probably everyone right ? They don’t know any better ? So you didn’t really lie to them because it’s only a lie when they figure out it’s not true. So the only person you’re lying to is yourself however! If these are things that you would like to come true then don’t change because your words carry power and you can manifest things to actually happen by how much you believe anything to be true.
35M here, and reading your post was like reading a letter from my past. I’m not going to get in to a big essay here, but if you want me to send you one on my experience with that and how it played out, hmu. Long story short though, I had this same realization and decided at my next milestone, I was going to enter the next chapter as genuinely as I could. It took probably until early 20s to fully get a grip on it and stop myself from spinning stories or exaggerating… but it’s so much better when people receive the real you and you realize they like you for you not your origin story.
Cheating was the same as you too. It wasn’t because I didn’t care about them, all my feelings were real. But I was addicted to the attention of that “new courtship” feeling and latched on to it when whatever relationship I was in transitioned past that honeymoon stage… didn’t understand that until therapy, but my brain was confusing the dopamine from being adored or wanted with the dopamine from being in love.
If you want the condensed version of what I figured out for myself over the last 20 years, I’d be happy to help you and at least tell you some things to watch out for, or some reasons I had the at might resonate with you. I’d like to see the next generation of people like me do better than me. Because you may have this conflict like I did, very empathetic… you care about everybody and do a ton for everybody, but also you don’t care about anybody and it’s like out of sight out of mind
Lied about a severe stomach ache to skip school, parents thought I had an appendicitis. Got surgery and apparently I did have it and that saved me. But idk how to feel about it now because technically I did need to get the surgery.. but I still lied?
It’s good you’re holding yourself accountable.
You can still change course.
This is just a guess:
I think you’re seeking dopamine. For some reason your brain isn’t getting the neurochemicals it needs so you’re acting in ways to fulfill those needs.
You’re still responsible for your actions, but it is much harder for people who dopamine seek not to be impulsive. There is a reason. And you still are responsible for your choices and their impact.
You’re seeking the thrill, the rush.
Find ways to get the dopamine hits that don’t hurt anyone else and don’t hurt you! 🙂
You need to go on some roller coasters. Or try out a new sport like karate, biking, wrestling, rock climbing, parkour/ninja, surfing, rollerblading. Go swimming and jump off the high dive. Train and learn how to do a back flip. Go hiking. Or if you like teams, try soccer. They have really noncompetitive rec leagues for all ages usually.
And find communities of people to just do stuff with that are only friendships.
If you’re not in a good place to be a good boyfriend, don’t be in a relationship. Surely there are other people down to just make out, etc. without being officially together if that’s what you really want. Or maybe your person wants to be able to hook up with whoever also who knows.
Also a friendly PSA: please use protection and get tested for STIs regularly. Really important esp with more than 1 partner. No shame to have numbers, just gotta be smart and safe. And hopefully you’re reading this rolling your eyes at me cuz you already are doing this 🙂
You need therapy. You’re not a bad person. You’re not an embarrassment. You’re a hurt person hurting people. You need to unpack that with a professional.
If you can’t or don’t have access to therapy you should first figure out which category of liar feels right to you.
There are 3 types of liars.
Natural Liars – the most common. They’re people who can lie easily with a lot of skill and success. They don’t believe their lies they’re just good at it. They do not feel the need to lie all the time it’s just that when they do they’re good at it.
Pathological liars- generally considered manipulative, selfish and cunning. They do it for personal gain with little thought for those they may hurt. This can be a warning sign of an antisocial personality disorder but is not conclusive proof of anything.
Compulsive liars- they bend the truth about everything, large or small. Whether it benefits them or not. A compulsive liar might feel like telling the truth is uncomfortable or awkward, while lying feels natural and right.
There are a few books out there that could help you. Just do your best to make sure it’s not AI – is it new? Does it come from a reputable publisher? Is the author a professional (doctor, therapist, researcher ect.). You could also try looking for some at your local library. They may even have books on audio or ebook if you’d rather be discrete.
There are reputable websites where you can learn more and there might even be support groups in your area.
You’re not broken or bad. You just need help. The fact you made this post shows you want it. Therapy would be best but if you can’t get that try and do your own research. Dig deep, see where these feelings come from. Is it insecurity? Is it to get your way? Is it because you feel like you have to? Etc. once you figure that out you can figure out where to go next.
Jesus loves you
Sarcastiball coach Randy. Help me Sharon. Help me.
you have to start owning up to what you lied about and start telling the truth as a habit
Here’s the good news for you young man. That is, you’re a young man. In another 5 years, the people you are lying to now probably will not be in your life.
The people who know the truth are the ones who will still be there, your family etc.
Simply go forth and sin no more, be common, be boring, be the usual. You can change all of this in just a few years. But if you continue lying about everything, by the time you’re in your mid twenties no one will believe anything about you.