I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a couple years and we’ve always had the same argument about me being left out of activities. He constantly refuses to invite me to dinners with mutual friends or hobbies I’ve been asking to try. There’s usually some convincing reason why he forgot to include me and I let it go, until recently.
For the past year our coed friend group has been dreaming of taking a group trip to another state that’s meaningful to us. Last week I found out he confirmed going on a group trip with our mutual friends and told them I couldn’t attend, without even asking me. He told the group that I was too busy with my new job and I wouldn’t be able to take off four days for vacation. I actually managed to get vacation time approved but when I excitedly told him he shut me down saying that everyone had already booked flights and there wouldn’t be any more space in the rental house as the host had already filled my bed. When I asked why he left me out he said he figured I couldn’t go anyway with work and declined on my behalf.
I spoke to the host myself and she was very upset with him, the group had multiple conversations about how they would miss me if I couldn’t be there but he assured them I couldn’t go. She told me she had to fill the extra spots in the rental house to recuperate for the total cost. I understood where she was coming from but I’m devastated. I’ve been looking forward to this trip for a year. It’s also weird seeing as how it’s a couples trip and he will be the only one solo. I don’t understand why he would want to go on a couples trip without me? When I pressed him on it, he seemed sorry and said he didn’t intentionally leave me out. He said it must be a misunderstanding.
Recently he also joined a fantasy football league with our co-ed friend group and didn’t invite me. I’ve been asking since last year to play in the league and how fun it would be. We are big fans and all the women participate with their husbands. I found out last week that the league is full and he didn’t even mention to them that I wanted play. This was the breaking point for me. I broke down in tears asking why I’m being excluded from the trip and now the league. He yelled that we don’t need to be glued to each other 24/7 and that I need to get a life. He said I’m bringing this up too much and I need to let it go. We are now sleeping in separate rooms. AITAH for feeling left out and not letting it go?
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Honestly, I’d be questioning why he doesn’t want you included. This pattern doesn’t look like a misunderstanding. It looks intentional.
Nta. why are you still with a man who doesn’t want you around? Are you the side chick or is he just an AH? you need a bf who likes you, you deserve better.
NTA, but you need to decide if this is someone you want to spend forever with….he’s not going to include you, and you’re either going to have to be ok with that or move on. Also, how is this a couples trip and they filled your spot with someone else? It must not be only couples….
NTA He wants you to be the one to formally end the relationship. He has already broken up with you in his mind, he just hasn’t said it out loud yet.
So if your spot in his room has already been filled, who is he sharing a room with? I’m really hoping it’s not another woman. How big/how many beds are in his room?
you’re not the asshole for feeling bummed out. it’s always confusing and hurtful when someone cuts you off without explanation, especially when your interactions seemed positive. that said, her decision to block you is her boundary, and she doesn’t owe you an explanation, even if it feels unfair.
you’re not the asshole. wanting to be included in trips, dinners, or group activities with mutual friends isn’t “being glued to each other,” it’s a normal expectation in a healthy relationship. what your boyfriend did with the couples trip is especially troubling he didn’t just “forget” to include you, he told the group on your behalf that you weren’t going without even asking you. that’s not a misunderstanding, that’s making choices for you.
NTA your boyfriend doesn’t like you.
Please explain to all of us why you stay with someone who openly dislikes you? Please love yourself more than this.
He doesn’t like you
There is much
More going here , sounds like the relationship is over but he is scared to end it , doesn’t want you around cause he wants it over . I feel bad for you but just accept it and move on . It won’t get better and he will
Never be honest
I don’t think this guy likes you. Use that time off to take a trip of the our own. Make new friends, have new adventures. You will eventually meet someone who really wants to be with you.
He doesn’t want you included. Congrats on being his bangmaid.
I would end everything with him and at the same time send a big round of texts to the friend group “explaining how you regret that you were never invited to any of the dinners or on the trips – but now you know it was him making that decision and lying to them.”
If he is treats you this poorly, why he is your boyfriend?
my mom never included my dad in anything (they are now elderly and still married…boomers). she has hated him my entire life. get yourself out before it’s too late.
Take the 4 days to pack up all his stuff and leave it by the door.
Why are you still with him? I mean if I had a girlfriend, and was planning a similar trip with my friends, we would plan the trip when all our vacations are approved, especially after being together for couple years. It is a pattern now and then also gaslit you.
He needs to do better as a boyfriend, and you need to do better as in find someone who respects and includes you in group activities/trips with your friends
NTA – I’d be kicking him to the curb ASAP. He literally doesn’t care about your feelings and is intentionally excluding you in your relationship and from your friends too.
Depends on the subreddit. You’re insecure if you can’t accept it. You’re a real person if you can make your own decision.
Sincerely,
Not saying my past life is your present, but . . . my first husband was like this. Never wanted to include me when he was doing things with friends, even told me I was not invited (found out later that I was) to friend gatherings, etc. I wasted many years of my life only to figure out that I was more like a roommate with benefits. He did not like me. As many here are saying, your boyfriend doesn’t like you. If he did, he would want to include you in MOST of his activities. You are a convenient place holder/roommate. Run.
Nta you need to stop including him in your he acts like he is single so make him single I hope his friends have a go at him
This is totally intentional. He’s kicking you out of the friend group and claiming it as “his.” Were these his friends to begin wirh? Or yours? Or did you meet them as a couple? Regardless, He’s 1000% intentionally excluding you and no apology makes up for that. He’s a total asshole.
Use those days to pack up his stuff and leave it by the door and use his own words against him. There’s a reason he doesn’t want you to go.
Break up with him and let your friends know why. Let them know they enable him by excluding you too. He’s doing it on purpose.
First off, you’re never the asshole for feeling something.
Second this honestly feels made up, but if it isn’t then your bf is an idiot and a bag of shit, that is my veredict
Don’t waste anymore time on him!!
Unfortunately, I agree with everyone else that your boyfriend doesn’t actually like you. It seems like he must like the convenience of having a girlfriend, as long as he doesn’t have to spend time with you. I would also wonder why – if these are mutual friends – he keeps being able to exclude you from plans. Why are you not in direct communication with the group? If everything gets filtered through him, then that makes it seem like it’s really his friend group, and he is sending a very clear message that he doesn’t want you to be involved.
NTAH but if they are also your friends, why did’nt anyone told you about both of these events and why are’nt you include in those group chat invitations? Do i miss something? Are they his friend group and you joined after you met him? Do you ever do stuff separately? Maybe he really need some space to exist outside of the couple.
Should be a story about how you woke up and left him cause you are not a priority, equal or even relevant to him.
When you say “our mutual friends”, who’s friends were they prior to the relationship? He’s trying to win them in the breakup or remind you who’s circle they are
You let him get away with this crap for too long. Dump his ass and kick him out. You’re being used and he really doesn’t want you to be a part of the social circle he’s a part of. Him going solo during couples events is a big ole red flag and he has purposely excluded you. There’s no love there if you ask me.
He told you to get a life. So, do just that, starting with a new boyfriend, who actually cares about you. You deserve better. Good luck.
Ditch the boyfriend. Does he even like you because it doesn’t seem like he does. He lies through his teeth to keep you from coming. He doesn’t respect you. Gather up your self respect and get rid of him.
100% intentional on his part. But if they’re also your friends why aren’t they asking you? Why are they letting him speak for you.
He doesn’t want you involved with the league and he doesn’t want you on the vacation.
NTA for feeling left out but a total AH to yourself for putting up with this BS.
Dump his ass!
NTA for feeling left out. Your boyfriend doesn’t like you, and your friends seem more interested in spending time with you than he does. Break-up time.
Why are you still with him? He obviously doesn’t like you much.
Tbh he just isn’t that into you. He’s quite blatant about it too. I’d cut my losses and find someone that’s happy to be with me anywhere
You don’t have a boyfriend. That is the part no is saying. NTA.
My question to you how desperate you are to stay in this relationship is your self esteem that low sorry but this is what a sounds like
NTA. once you realize a man will never say the words “i don’t want to be with you anymore/i’ve lost interest/im checked out”, all things become clear. he will text you “i’m sorry, been busy with work. no, i don’t want to breakup” once every three months until you finally breakup with him, sooner than he will say clearly exactly what you’re feeling from him. if they make you confused because they’re your partner, but if you didn’t know better then you’d think they were your opp, then they’re your opp.
Call his bluff! Pack up and leave him by himself! You don’t have to be glued but damn excluding you and having had the conversations and he still leaves you out, I personally would be leaving him out, for good!!! If he can’t consider your feelings even just a bit, is that someone you really want a future with? You’ll always be second guessing yourself when you should be trusting yourself and your feelings😘
NTAH
Sorry to say but it does look like you are being purposely excluded. He can’t feign ignorance when you already knew of the trip. He’s lied to your friends and he’s lied to you. Maybe it’s time to exclude him from your life and and put yourself first and find a person who won’t exclude you and cut you off from a group of friends.
Honey, you need to pack your bags!
If he cared enough about you, he would not want to go to all of these events without you. You are broken up. He just hasn’t told you yet. He wants you to be the one to dump him so he doesn’t look bad. He knows his friends like you.
Sounds like he wants to seem available and single on these trips in case he sees some chick he takes an interest in. It also sounds like his friends are covering for him. I’d be getting an STI test ASAP.
NTA.
Going forward, start living your own life. If you have mutual friends, see them without him. Get your personal things together. Figure out your living situation. Look for another place, or start eviction proceedings on him.
When he leaves for the trip, or goes to work, use the time he is gone to move out or pack his things. When he comes back, tell him you are taking his advice. You are getting a life. Or, just leave him a note.
Bottomline, you are not overreacting. He has been cruel. Let him play his games with someone else. You deserve better.
Well, two can play at this game. Call the hosts and tell them something came and he won’t be able to make it but you’ll take his spot. See how he likes it.
Then dump the AH.
You put up with behaviors like this once and then expect a lifetime of the same shit.
NTA I think you need to speak with your friend group and if they’re really friends they’re going to be upset with him and you need to confront him about this behavior.
This man clearly doesn’t want you around. Stop asking why he isn’t picking you and start making your own move – preferably away from him.
He doesn’t like you
Tell your BF that you have booked your own place close by and booked your own flights given that you could get the time off work and since all the spots had been filled.
His response will tell you everything you need to know.
Did you ask the host if it would be possible for you to now attend? I wouldn’t believe what your BF had to say about it.
Please bring this specific issue up with your entire friend group and ask them to communicate with you directly for any events or social gatherings Not only will this publicly shame him into stopping but it will prevent him from trying to force you to leave him so he can blame you for it
If he’s not including you in these things, then you’re a side chick. Sorry if you haven’t figured this out yet.
NTA. Not only is he excluding you from everything he possibly can, but your “mutual friends” aren’t even reaching out to express how they’ll miss you on the trip or how you’re missing out on being in the league with all of them. So that’s also something you need to think about, if these people are actually your friends.
Use your time off to go somewhere fun that single people go. And while you’re there, find a boyfriend. Someone who wants you around and likes spending time with you. NTA.
I would have left him the first time he didn’t include me.
Stop asking. Leave. He’s a POS. A real scumbag.
NTA.
Tell your boyfriend that you are going on the trip, then tell the friends group, you are going in place of your boyfriend. Your boyfriend can make accommodations for himself to be there as well, albeit it may be a different hotel. He can rent a car to travel between his hotel and yours. Tell him this is what happens when you make assumptions and don’t ask/invite those who should be.
Is he taking his REAL girlfriend on these trips??? 🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️
NTA – your boyfriend wants you as a roommate with benefits rather than a girlfriend. There’s no love from his side of things and not allowing you to go doesn’t intertwine you too much with his friends as he’s not in it for the long term.
He’s cruel and thoughtless so I’d end the relationship over this. You are not being glued to each other. Ask him why the others are going as couples if that’s the case. Do his friends yell at their girlfriends too? No, because them going away together as couples represents a healthy relationship.
He’s not sorry. It’s a pattern he’s very comfortable repeating. You keep letting it go, he’ll keep treating you like you don’t matter. And I’m sorry but to him you don’t. You deserve better than this self absorbed little boy.
It doesn’t look like you need to get a life but a new boyfriend. Is this the type of relationship you want and eventually a marriage like this where the guy just excludes you without asking you? Seriously a couples trip and he’s going solo, that speaks volumes.
Read your own post and you will know what to do.
NTA. He is either lying to you or is really, really stupid.
I believe he is intentionally leaving you out. He purposefully did not mention any of the planning or discussion about planning because he didn’t want you know about it until it was too late for you to go. Like, I’ve been with my husband for 14 years. We either invite each other and include each other in planning stuff together/as a group, or we tell each other about things we are planning with other people. It’s basic respect for your partner.
sorry for being harsh but, you’re not is gf, you’re his side-piece.
While he’s gone on the trip pack. If it’s your lease pack his stuff. If it’s his lease pack and leave. If you both are on the lease leave anyway. I’m sure you have a friend that will let you stay for a little while. Go absolute no contact. Since it is obvious that he doesn’t want you around then don’t be
Sorry, but is he really your boyfriend or some guy you’re casually dating? He doesn’t seem to want you around his friends. It won’t get better if he ever marries you. Cut your losses and find someone who thinks it’s better when you participate.
I’m amazed at what people will put up with in terms of sub-standard partners. Have some respect for yourself. Those friends now know how little he values your company. Drop this d-bag.
He’s TA but if I’m being honest, you’re TA to yourself by staying with him.
Please stop being this child’s partner.
He sounds like a pos, and I’m betting he’s done/doing more to you than just keeping you from trips.
Nothing about this makes sense, you’re either a couple or you aren’t. If he’s keeping you away from his other friends on purpose, then he’s not in this relationship for good reasons.
NTA
He doesn’t view you as permanent. If he did, you would automatically be included. You don’t share the same view of the future. Please don’t waste more time on someone who doesn’t value you.
NTA.. but you are one for still calling this horrible man your boyfriend.. give him up.. tell all your friends why. Before he starts making up more stories about you..
He doesn’t see a future with your relationship, and knowing it’s going to end at some point, he doesn’t want you included in future plans.
There’s really no other possible reason.
Saying that the host filled your bed in the rental house is funny, because you’re a couple. Surely you’d be in the same bed as him?! Lol
NTA but it’s time to open your eyes
NTAH
Please leave this man. He doesn’t love you, he doesn’t appreciate you.. he doesn’t deserve you!
This is not a mistake. He isn’t forgetting. He is purposefully excluding you from this. If you have a big group chat or something like that male sure to put in there, “I’m sorry I havent been an involved party in a lot of the fun things that have been going on. Unfortunately bf has been purposefully excluding me and not asking/informing me of these. This has been going on for X period of time. We are breaking up over it as I realise he truly has no love for me”.
The fact he shouted at you about being glued together… i wouldnt put it past hin that this dude is cheating on you during these trips etc.
He’s not sorry and it’s very much intentional
You aren’t his future.
Anyone who doesn’t involve you with their friends and family doesn’t take the relationship seriously.
Someone else has a space in his bed his friends are covering for him. I mean you said it’s a couples vacy so why would you not be sharing a bed?
It is time to take this selfish piece of trash to the curb. You deserve someone who wants to be with you and who cares about you.
Why didn’t the group ask you to go? Isn’t there a group chat you’re on? Are they his friends from before he met you?
I feel like there’s some info missing.
However, he doesn’t want to spend holiday time with you, so much so that he will lie to people about you. I would walk away. Start planning your own hobbies and activities. In time you’ll meet someone who would love to spend time with you on holidays.
He’s treating you like you’re his side piece!
Leave and find somebidy who at least respects you!
NTA unless you stay with him.
Why are you still dating him?
Hes looking for an excuse to end the relationship by making yourself guilty and he end as the innocent victim. You need to end the relationship
If that it is he wants or go to couples therapy help.
NTA. I’d be wondering why my partner is intentionally leaving me out of things and declining on my behalf when I’m invited to things. I’d speak to the leader of the group, and say that any invites to anything need to be given directly to you.
But also, I’m getting the impression your boyfriend doesn’t really like you, or at least wants space. He’s going about this like an AH though.
YTA for putting up with this behavior for years. YEARS. He’s waiting to find out just how poorly he has to treat you before you leave him because he’s too spineless of a bastard to do it himself and is possibly afraid of how he will look if he’s the one who breaks it off.
He doesn’t like you and definitely doesn’t respect you. Respect yourself and reconsider his value in this relationship.
Sorry OP, your bf doesn’t like you or enjoys spending time with you. Its as simple as that.
I wouldn’t personally stay in this shitty relationship, you deserve far better.
Updateme
Start answering for yourself. If there is a friends group chat, speak up alone, for yourself. If you only know a few people in the chat, tell them directly that you want to be added separately.
If you need to explain it, tell them, with busy schedules (work/school) it easier to communicate that way. Tell people you want to be involved, ALONE.
Don’t let him answer for you. Use this path to find YOUR place in this World. Better still, be alone, with your friends & without this shady guy.