As I’ve remembered since I was born, my parents stopped having sex. I’m 20 years old. My mom recently just told me an altercation that my mom and my dad had which stresses me tf out. Basically my dad was saying smth to my mom like “I’m literally bored, I want to be with someone that’d let me have sex with them whenever I want to. Not smth dry like this.” He didn’t talk to my mom and slept downstairs for days. Obviously I feel bad for my mom for what my dad said but icl, I also kinda see my dad’s point at the same time. So my dad is around like 61 ig, and my mom prolly like 49? My mom said to me that she doesn’t like having sex, but my dad is like nearly a porn addict so like I actually don’t know how they’re holding it. And yes, they’re planning to divorce once I’m done with my uni LMFAO.
Edit: I was told that my dad had multiple affairs with girls before, but not much proof of them having sex unless he’s OT. My mom mentioned to my grandma that she has some kind of uterus issues so every sexual interaction hurts so. Still, idrk the extent of the affairs or the pain. Yall be kind to my mom too innit.
It stresses my mom out ig so that’s why she told me abt this info, but my dad on the other hand doesn’t want me involved in any of their relationships problems or financial topics so he’s the one rarely saying anything to me personally. Obviously I wished I didn’t have to hear these shits but well I’m willing to help both of them as much as I can as a daughter and I’m overseas so I literally barely get to talk/see them.
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Here’s an original copy of /u/candyflossberry’s post (if available):
As I’ve remembered since I was born, my parents stopped having sex. I’m 20 years old. My mom recently just told me an altercation that my mom and my dad had which stresses me tf out. Basically my dad was saying smth to my mom like “I’m literally bored, I want to be with someone that’d let me have sex with them whenever I want to. Not smth dry like this.” He didn’t talk to my mom and slept downstairs for days. Obviously I feel bad for my mom for what my dad said but icl, I also kinda see my dad’s point at the same time. So my dad is around like 61 ig, and my mom prolly like 49? My mom said to me that she doesn’t like having sex, but my dad is like nearly a porn addict so like I actually don’t know how they’re holding it. And yes, they’re planning to divorce once I’m done with my uni LMFAO.
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You shouldn’t know any of this information about your parents.
No. Sex is an important part of marriage. Once it’s over I’m immediately out. Don’t care what we’ve built. Rather leave than cheat. But then again I’m poly so I like having multiple partners.
If the frequency of sex is zero, then I’m leaving. Just ghosting.
Your dad wants a blow-up doll
I feel sorry for your father.
If you’re not getting sex in your marriage it’s usually down to a few things. She doesn’t feel emotionally connected to you, she doesn’t feel safe or she’s naturally for a low libido. From what I’ve read in the subject, it seems to be mostly down to the man not being present in the relationship and creating the conditions required for a good sex life. There are cases where women feel like they have to have sex with their partners but that’s never sustainable. Both people have to want it for it to be quality.
If one person wants it and the other doesn’t, it breeds resentment from both sides. Its hard to stay together with someone you resent. You can. You love them. People do. But its also kinda a constant feeling of living with a narcissist who only thinks of themself (from both sides, the person who wants it and the one who doesn’t, except in this case, one of them is getting what they want and the other typically isn’t).
Your dad is wrong you are not supposed to have sex everytime you want it but only when the two people want it
Obviously if your mom refuse to have sex for months / years I understand your father
Sex is part of a relationship
I would say a lot of woman doesn’t have orgasm during sex . They pretend they like at first but after a few years there is no point for them to act like they enjoy it
The issue is that most of the people let the situation pending for years and when you want to fix it it’s too late.
They probably need a sex therapist
Overall I’d say stay out of this it’s a bit weird to talk about your parents sex life
There is an old saying I like to quote whenever this subject comes up. – – – – “When the sex is good, and as frequent as both people want, then sex is the least important aspect of a relationship. If the sex is bad or not as frequent as desired, it is the most important aspect of the relationship.”
EEK.
I’ve been in relationships with the roles reversed. I always become unhappy being unsatisfied. I’m not sure how anyone stays in this kind of relationship longer than a year or two. All I can say is that it must be tough knowing this much about your own parents’ sex life. TMI, IMO.
A new experience for you: parents are humans too. 😉
To answer your question:
> If the sex life between you and your wife was nonexistent, would you still stay?
You can often read about this on r/DeadBedrooms : People stay together anyway. Often for the sake of the kids, out of fatalism (divorce and division of property is expensive), for cultural reasons, out of convenience.
> How much does it affect the marriage?
From my own experience: of course it has an impact. After years without contact and intimacy, the other person becomes a stranger. I would classify my wife as being on the asexual spectrum, but since a while I can no longer imagine touching her myself too. Of course, I have no desire to go out or have quality time with someone I can no longer imagine touching. We are in a phase where I am now thinking about an exit strategy. It’s not even about sex, but a life without closeness and tenderness, but with rejection, makes sick.
I’d make sure to find someone who is sexually compatible with me. However if she randomly stops having sex. I would talk about it but if nothing changes or if i feel she might perhaps be seeking that activity outside of the relationship i would end things.
22 years together, 16 years married and last 5+ years once a month is the most I can hope for. It’s not easy and trying make more of an effort to reignite the spark. Have stayed and will stay but eyes and mind do wonder
Sexlife is important. For me it is a cornerstone of a romantic relationship. Without it, the romance will fade away and we’ll be roomies instead of romantic partners.
i mean if you feel like at 61 you can get sex once you’re divorced, maybe. i think a healthy sex life is beneficial to a relationship, but maybe not the only thing to consider. life can be more expensive together or seperate, someone could have to pay alimony to the other. there’s also a sense of love and growth when you build a life with another person. if you’ve ever been on a team or a group where you worked really hard and succeeded you can feel a huge bond with your teammates but imagine your whole lives intertwined taking on challenges with a partner can be really rewarding.
or a partners can hold you back or resent each other or deliver emotional abuse.
or if you’re single you can be really lonely and isolated as all your friends get married cuz generally at least half of all people marry.
or you could be single and work hard and do what you want when you want, travel with the money you never spent on kids and garner fulfillment from worldy experiences.
theres thousands of possibilities for reasons a relationship could or could not be worth it. sex is one of them. if you wanna make it a dealbreaker that isn’t unreasonable. it’s exercise and healthy and one of the most intimate connections in life. but at the end of the day it’s also just 10/15/30 min sesh blowing your load for a 15 second rush of endorphins to your brain thats addictive and annoying to clean up after
What the hell are you doing inquiring about your parent’s sex lives? You really shouldn’t know about any of it.
That being said, if it’s a dead bed marriage, then it’s most likely over. Unless if both are in their 80’s+.