In 2 years of dating we have never had sex, or done anything sexual (only me touching his dick), how do I engage? He leaves for college in 3 days and I’m afraid if I engage now it will make moving away harder, even if he’s just 2 and a half hours away.
A few months ago we talked about having sex and were both on board, so we bought condoms and tried, but he got too nervous. It was never brought up after that. I’ve tried to engage in something sexual a few times before, but to my own fault I get a little nervous and stop since I’ve never done anything like it before.
Do I try to engage before the move? I don’t think someone is at fault here, I just need some advice on this situation.
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Don’t feel pressured to do anything out of your comfort zone just because he’s moving. If you’re ready, have an open and honest conversation with him about if he’s ready too, and try again. Talk about why you’re nervous about it and what can possibly be done to make both of you more comfortable, bc it sounds like you’re both too in your head about performance.
But again, if it doesn’t happen before he moves, don’t feel like you “failed”. Not all relationships move at the same pace
I think the struggle here is that you’re both not really comfortable talking about it totally openly and honestly. It comes up on occasion but you’re bottling it up most of the time.
I would focus on the communication issue first because it’s gonna be things really hard when yall become semi long distance
Don’t rush it if it’s just to get in before he goes. If he’s only 2?5 hours away you should be able to see eachother every weekend if you wanted to
The best advice anyone can give you is, don’t pressure yourselves or put some sort of perceived societal pressure on yourselves just bc you feel like this is sth you HAVE/sth to tick off a list. As long as you’re both ok w where you are, just go at your own pace. Keep in mind that sex overall is a whole lot of experiences so start w what you’re comfortable w and slowly explore new things w each other at a pace you’re comfortable with. The more you focus on “getting it done” the more stressful it’ll be for both of you. Have honest conversations and just start small and build up to whatever you’re both comfortable with.
Edit: you’re both quite young and started dating even younger so, even more reason not to stress yourselves out with this idea of “graduating to the next phase” of your relationship or whatever. Just enjoy each other’s company before you’re both off at different unis and explore things at your own personal comfort level.
To be honest if I could go back I would wanna start with oral, like cuddling into touching into oral and do that couple times. Mutualy of course. I think after couple rounds of this we’d known each other’s bodies so well it would be much easier to have sex.
If you want to have sex. First, discuss, and decide if you are both ready.
Second, you are thinking of sex on its own, however, I recommend foreplay is 2/3rds of the occasion. Sorry for the slightly explicit advice, but this will make the sex easier, because you will be more wet and receiving him will be easier. I highly recommend spooning, and escalating from there and looking up general foreplay tips which I won’t go into here as it’s a bit NSFW.
But first decide if you are both ready. Discuss it.