My boyfriend went on a holiday with male friends in October last year. His friend ‘got with’ 2 girls (at least) on the trip, and it appeared that my bf was wingmanning the particular friend.
A few months later, I find out that this friend is having a baby with a woman he was supposedly not in a committted relationship with at the time of the trip. However, the timeline does not add up as they both agreed to try for a baby and he is excited about having her child.
I now find the behaviour on the trip extremely questionable and feel really bad for the other girl as she is having a child with a man she doesn’t know is a cheater.
My bf point blankly states that he doesn’t give a shit and it’s none of his business. It’s hard to talk to him about this as that is his stance, but I find it worrying that he doesn’t seem to apply any moral compass to his friends actions. I can’t help but worry he has more of a lax attitude towards it than me – if it was my friend I would at least express disapproval towards the friend.
What do you guys think about your partners attitude to the fidelity of their friends?
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Basically that means he doesn’t care if he cheats. I know many men like that. If they don’t care when their friends cheat it means he’s a cheater as well.
You dont know the whole story. This man and his partner might not have been exclusive at the time.
They might say they were trying to make themselves look good with family.
Too many holes to know for sure.
Yeahhhh doesn’t like a great guy whose pretty much showing you his colors. And probably cheated on you too
You’re known by the company you keep.
I absolutely wouldn’t stay with someone who doesn’t just naturally disapprove of cheating. I’d want my guy to be clear himself on the importance of honestly and integrity. Sorry you’re going through this. If this doesn’t feel right to you, I feel that’s good boundaries.
Heed warnings, before Billie Eilish sang Birds Of A Feather, it was a saying that went “birds of a feather flock together” meaning its like the saying “the company you keep” so those with similar things in common like morals, they stick together. So he covered for this guy someone will cover for him.
To me there are two different things here.
If he wasn’t exclusive with her, it wasn’t cheating and in that case, yes—mind your own business.
If your partner “doesn’t give a shit” if they cheat, then I question his character. I pretty firmly believe that you can and should judge people by the company they keep.
It’s strange to think someone could just shrug off something like that… and not even consider how it affects others, but maybe he’s just never seen the bigger picture? I mean, if you don’t care about your friends’ choices, what does that say about the kind of person you’re willing to be around?
I would never trust a person who turns a blind eye to their friends’ shitty behaviour. Also, it’s very possible/likely that your partner cheated on you during that trip, too.
With friends like that, I wouldn’t be surprised that he is also cheating on you when he’s goes on these holidays.
Guys who happily keep friends infidelity secrets are usually doing it because they have things they don’t want their friends telling you either.
Birds of a feather flock together.
While it doesn’t sound like the friend really cheated on anyone, it’s still very alarming that your bf doesn’t care way or the other. That means the friend would wingman him as well, and you’ll be none the wiser.
His as long as she doesn’t know attitude towards cheating while in a relationship triggers your trust meter about your partner. Are you sure he was just a wingman or did he apply this same concept don’t ask don’t tell to himself?
He needs to understand that him being complicit in helping his bro cheat and hide it from her makes him guilty as well. Tell him how do you expect me to respect or trust if he’s ok with this behavior.
You dont know it was cheating.
That’s the problem with assumptions
So not to be nitpicky but if they weren’t in a committed relationship, he wasn’t cheating. I would be more concerned with his viewpoint than the situation. If it worries you and he gets mad when you question him on it, he may not be the right person for you. He should be able to hear your concerns w/out being angry or defensive.
So if your boyfriend was knowingly being the wing man for a guy that’s in a relationship, what makes you think his friends aren’t being his wing man on those same trips?
To be honest, it’s my opinion that if you don’t hold your friends accountable for their fucked up actions, then that means you approve of those actions and don’t see any issue. If he sees no issues with his friends cheating, why would he see the issue of himself cheating?
He probably doesn’t want to tell on his friend because his friend has some info about your bf too. I hope you’ve gotten tested. Please tell the gf so she can get tested too.
People are most like those they spend time with. It’s a huge red flag. I overlooked men and the poor company they kept for years, shouldn’t have. It’s absolutely a direct reflection on their own morals.
If he cheats. His friends won’t care and would cover for him.
Every time I have been around guys like this, they all cheat and cover for each other. As a guy, I can confidently say if his friend group is this open about it. He has likely engaged in it to some extent. Might just be flirting with his friebds conquests friends. Might be all the way. He has made his feelings on cheating clear. Don’t act surprised to find out you’re also brong cheated on
You are spot on with this. In addition, friends influence each other, and it’s common that when one person in a friend group cheats, the others do, too. How sure are you that this hasn’t happened here? If you set a boundary with your boyfriend to not be friends with a cheater, how sure are you that he will pick you?
I think your bf is a pig, and hangs around with pig friends.
Big red flag for me. If it was my friend, I wouldn’t like that he was cheating but not really any of my business… however, what crosses the line for me is that your BF was actively helping his friend cheat. IMO, that’s fucked.
He actively helped his friend cheat and the friend probably does the same thing for him. Updateme