M47 been married for 25 years, lots of ups and downs but I truly believed we’d always find a way. We have 3 kids, 22F, 18F (girls live in an apartment together and are going to college) and 16M home. With mom’s struggles, the kids have always leaned more on me for support and help.
My wife is also 47, been going to counseling because she’s struggling with self confidence, finding a job she likes, and on the weekends she binge drinks (which I have been enabling), sometimes to the point she can’t remember anything that happened the next day. Whether it was our house, the car she drives, her hair, her eyes (she wears color contacts), she’s always searching for happiness that she can’t find. With the girls out of the house, it’s definitely mid life crisis (which I guess I’m facing now as well). She’s never cheated (that I know of) but she did have an emotional affair about 15 years ago, but we went to counseling and the counselor basically told us our friendship is amazing and worth fighting for.
10 days ago, she comes home, tells me she “loves me but is not in love with me” and we’re getting a divorce. She says she can’t find happiness with me, not sure if she can without but she wants to try. We started dating at 20, when her dad was in the full grip of drug and alcohol abuse. She told me I was “safe” and “comfortable” because we were best friends, but she’s never been attracted to me and she drinks to have sex because that’s the only way she can bring herself to be with me. (Oof, that one hurts). She would like to be friends and resolve this with as little drama as possible.
I asked before we do anything, can we do couples counseling. I still love her and I’m having a hard time imagining her with someone else and not me, and the connection we have I feel is special. She agreed (we can’t do it for a few weeks because of work schedules) but said it won’t change her mind, her decision to leave me is final. Mentally, she’s already moved on, and I suspect she might be looking for new guys to talk to, though she still sleeps in the same bed, hangs out with me on weekends and wears my wedding ring.
This week, we’re on our traditional final week of summer vacation, just arrived yesterday. My wife is here. The kids know something is wrong, I’m a wreck, can’t sleep, emotions everywhere and still waking up next to the woman I love who doesn’t love me the same way. I’m hurting, bad. I’ve been taking with friends and some of my family to keep my sanity, and plan to start counseling (I was set up with someone and they changed their schedule so I couldn’t see them anymore before I even had my first visit).
We were waiting for counseling to talk with the kids, I guess I’m hoping for a miracle that probably isn’t coming. But our loud discussions last night probably let everything out of the bag at least to our girls. My wife wants to “coexist” and get through the week, living out a lie to our friends and kids. I don’t know WTF to do? Tell the kids now? Go home? Just sit and cry?