My mom married my stepdad when I was 14. He never hit me, but he went out of his way to make it clear I wasn’t “his responsibility.” If I needed rides, money for school trips, or even someone to sign permission slips, he’d tell me to “ask your real dad” (who lives in another country and was barely involved).
Meanwhile, he doted on his two biological daughters, private school, new cars at 16, fully paid college. I got student loans and an apartment with three roommates.
Now I’m 28, married, and my mom just told me my stepdad’s health is failing. She said she’ll “need my help” because her daughters live far away. I told her, calmly, that I will absolutely help her, but I will not take care of him. She cried and told me I’m “punishing her for marrying the wrong man.” My sisters are calling me heartless.
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Nta, of course they call your heartless cause if they can bully you into doing it, why not?
Sucks to be asshole to the only one that can help, and your mother sucks too for marrying such a man and then trying to guilt trip you
I don’t understand.
She asked you for help, you agreed. Why is anyone upset in this story
NTA walk away from all of them. Where was all that energy when you were treated like the outsider??? They never stood up for you or treated you like you matter so don’t help. He has 2 daughters and a wife, they need to pull together to do it
NTA He gave you nothing, therefore you owe him nothing. It’s not a punishment towards mom but rather the state of your relationship with a guy who was always an asshole towards you. Do not let your mom frame it as being about her ‘cuz it’s not. One of his daughter is just going to have to move back in to help in…and if neither wants too? Karma!
NTA, tell her he’s not your responsibility and to ask his “real kids”
Let your sister’s know that you changed your mind and let them know that this man is their your responsibility not yours.
I would also let your mom know due to her and your sisters comments that you changed your mind about helping her at all, because she never once helped you with him.
Assuming this actually happened and isn’t AI rage bait, you are NTA.
“Sorry mom I’m not his real daughter. He should ask his real daughters.”
Go over and if he asks for anything, say he isn’t your responsibility and to go ask his real kids.
NTA. As his (I assume) able bodied wife it falls to her to take care of him. In sickness and in health, all that. Typically children only get involved in taking care of their parents when both are unable to do so because of that.
I am kinda petty and would have reminded her that he’s not my “real dad” anyways, so why is it your responsibility? He’s made it clear he has no ties to you.
No, he can go ask “his real daughters’”. Tell mom you’ll run errands for her when you have time. But you will not in any way agree to provide any care or assistance to step-dad. He can reap what he sowed. Remind her every time she asks what he used to say to you.
…how does you not helping someone who NEVER helped you qualify as “punishing your mother for marrying the wrong man”?
NTA Op tell mommy dearest to “ask him ask his real daughters”
NTA, The daughters should take responsibility, not you
Just tell her to “have his real daughters help”. Yoour still willijg to help your mom which is nice but why help him and make your life harder to care for him. Your still willing to help your mom so seems fair. His own daughters dont care enough to put effort.
He didn’t step up for you, you have no reason to step up for him.
NTA. It seems like you were punished for your Mom marrying the wrong man.
NTA. Pour into those that pour into you. Don’t give in.
NTA tell him to ask her real daughters.
Tell your sisters if you are heartless for following their fathers example then they must also think he was heartless for doing that to a child.
Your stepfathers pettiness is coming back to bite him. You aren’t doing anything wrong
I wouldn’t help her at all for allowing a man to throw my father in my face like that. Nope. Tell her to call his real daughters for help.
NTA – you don’t owe him anything. His biological daughters should step in and help your mother.
Tbh you shouldn’t even be helping your mother – she didn’t protect you or make sure you were taken care of. She is just as bad as stepdad.
Nope. He’s a POS.
I was a stepchild, too, and can still remember how much it hurt when I heard my stepfather tell a friend that my stepbrother “is my REAL son”. The man didn’t know that he even had a son. In fact, he thought my brother was his son and I was his daughter.
After him making sure that you, a child, knew that he, an adult, had no obligation to you, he doesn’t deserve your care. ‘Course it might serve to make him feel bad if you did help out occasionally when it’s convenient for you, but helping your mother is a blessing to her. Good girl!
Why would you help her?
NTA.
“My wife and children come first.”
“You made it clear that your relationship with your spouse came before your relationship with me. My time with my own wife and my children come before my time with you.”
You get what you give. Lose all of their numbers and enjoy the time you have with people that deeply matter to you.
Your sisters can easily say that from far away.
WOW, NTA. Definitely not your responsibility. Go ask your real daughters. Take care of yourself , your loans and your future first. YOU were punished for her marrying the wrong man.
Forgive. Even if it is difficult. Forgive.
Where was your mom when your stepfather was pulling all this shit? NTA, but you SF is and so is your mom.
NTA. This is reaping the consequences of their actions. He ignored you and your mother allowed it. Full stop. He is absolutely not your responsibility. If she wanted help in his old age she should have stood up for you as a kid. His daughters need to step up. If they live far away then they can pay for caregivers to come into the home. He supported them, they can support him. Good luck. Updateme
NTA, personally I would’ve told her no, she chose him over you, and although he never hit you, he emotionally abused you.
He has 2 daughters that can come take care of their dad. He isn’t your responsibility and neither is your mother. You have a family of your own to protect and support.
I made my decision after the second sentence. NTA. His daughters need to step up. Your mother shouldn’t have married a man who treated her daughter like that and by what she said, she knows that.
He can ask his “real kids” for help.
People like your mom anger me so much. It’s awful she wasn’t the parent you deserved. As a mother, I’d tell her that it says a lot about them that you weren’t good enough to be family, but you’re good enough to be unpaid help.
She really doesn’t deserve your consideration at all. They have other kids that they cared for who can step up. The other kids just don’t want their lives bothered. So you really don’t need to do anything more.
You are so much more than what you can do for people.
NTA
Your mom condoned his treatment of you. You don’t owe either of them anything.
NTA
You can be an asshole and absolutely correct
He’s not yours and thus he’s not your problem
I don’t get the first paragraph. ???
>She cried and told me I’m “punishing her for marrying the wrong man.”
Punishing? No. Making a decision that put her new husband first over her own child, yeah, well, you never know when you’ll see Bad Karma in your Ring doorbell camera. She should have thought about that before she married him.
Tell the daughters to figure out how they’re gonna take care of their dad.
NTA, the question is why is this not clear to mom and step sisters. Ask them.
When you marry a person with a kid or kids there part of the deal. Your mom’s house is an ass for not making that crystal clear before she married the tool. You owe no one anything. Live your best life and tell your step sisters to have a coke and a smile and STFU
NTA. Considering he has 2 daughters, your mom can ask them since they’re his “real daughters”. If they’re not willing then your mother and his “real daughters” can hire someone to be his caregiver.
Your dad lived far away and he told you to “ask your real dad”. Since his daughter live far away as well he should “ call his real daughters”. And if your sisters have so much to say they can come take care of their dad since he did so much for them.
NTA. Explain to mom what you just explained to us and tell her ONE TIME… you won’t be there for him and to not bring it up again.
NTA, but what a great opportunity to show your mom and your lousy stepfather what a quality human does. Like, I’m going to help you right now, not because you deserve it, because you don’t and you know it. I’m going to help you because I am a good person. This is about me, not you.