After my last post a few months ago, I wanted to come back and give an update/rant about my MIL.
Since my last post, things have continued to be rocky. MIL apologized (only to my husband) about some rude comments she made when she visited while my son was in the NICU, which I thought was at least partly a step forward.
My husband has made significant strides setting boundaries with MIL and has been direct and blunt with her when we visit: you can hold the baby, but don’t walk away with him. If one of us asks for him back, you must give him back. If he cries, you must give him back.
Before he turned 3 months old, we were asking all visitors to wear masks at the recommendation of his pediatrician. We visited my in-laws shortly before he turned 3 months, choosing to go to them so that it was easier to leave if there was boundary-pushing instead of kicking them out of our home (or hearing more comments about how messy our house is). My husband laid down the boundaries as soon as we got there.
What he didn’t say, because we didn’t think we needed to, was don’t kiss the baby, even with your mask on.
To no surprise of anyone here, MIL kissed the baby with her mask on. My husband and I responded immediately and told her not to do that, even with her mask on, to keep baby safe. She apologized and seemed genuine, so we did allow her to continue to hold baby. Then she asked to take her mask off for a quick photo holding him in her rocking chair (which she used with her own kids), and we said yes.
Again, to no surprise of anyone here (but to me and my husband for some reason), she kissed baby again, without her mask, on his face. I yelled at her not to do that and took baby back, and she claimed to have forgotten. We left shortly after, and did not see them for a month and half, at which point we did not allow anyone else to hold baby.
Recently, we were at a family baby shower. My husband called MIL ahead of time and reminded her again that she is not to kiss the baby, but that if she could agree to follow the rules she could hold him in our presence. My husband explained that we do not want him to get sick, especially because he was premature and we are nervous about him being hospitalized again. At no point did she apologize for kissing him previously. She verbalized understanding and agreed.
At the baby shower, I decided to start out wearing baby to keep him close to me (it was also his nap time when we got there). MIL and FIL greeted us and hugged us, which is fine. MIL then leaned down and kissed baby again. I immediately reprimanded her and said no, with her responding that “I only kissed his shirt!” and rolling her eyes at me.
She also made some stupid comments to other family members and friends who were joking that they’d love to hold baby, with MIL saying things like “If I can’t hold him, neither can you!”, to which my husband responded “Mom, you can hold him, you just can’t kiss him.”
There have also been recent instances where she implies we should have asked her to babysit instead of asking others–specifically, my sister and my mom who follow directions.
At this point, I’m pretty done with her. She’s being a pouty, disrespectful monster who doesn’t care about anyone but herself, and I don’t care for her to have a relationship with my son. My husband is planning on calling her later this week to outline the problem and make it abundantly clear that we are angry and feel disrespected.