Long story short, a few days ago I discovered my wife had cheated on me with a co-worker while at work. After confronting her, she says he told her he had told his wife about it. I don’t believe her essentially.
I know they have two children, but she deserves to know I believe. The revenge aspect is not a downside for me. AITA?
Comments
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She deserves the truth
NTA id do it too I think she deserves to know and she if she stays with him then that’s on her.
Absolutely NTA. Tell the wife and the employer.
NTA. She deserves the truth and the fact that they have 2 children together only reconfirms that notion.
People deserve to know the truth, regardless of the reason how they found out. That being said, YTA if your motivation is revenge.
NTA, but I’d be prepared to show proof, is possible, if you go that route. I assume you’re a stranger to her, so you just coming out of the woodwork with something like that…having tangible proof would go a long way.
NTA! She has every right to know! You could be saving her heath and wellbeing. How often is he sleeping around? Is he always safe? She deserves to know so she can make an informed decision on how she wants to move forward. I would want to know.
Truth is important.
Do it after consulting your lawyer, and in case you didn’t lawyer up already, what the hell are you waiting for?
Follow your lawyer’s advice to the letter, if you think you’re capable of reconciliation, seek the subreddit for it, it’s gonna be a tough journey, but don’t start it until you’re 100% sure that the signs for it from your wife are there.
NTA
Edit: Adding Verdict and some typos.
If your positions were reverse, wouldn’t you want to know?
NTA, do it, cheaters have earned no right for you to stay quiet. If your wife gets angry tell her she owned her legs to another man her anger is worthless.
NTA – Let the pigeons loose!
NTA, if the one, or both cheaters, are to be believed, then she already knows. You telling her would then do nothing but give you the chance to talk to the only other person in the same situation as you are.
YWNBTA if you told her. She deserves to have the truth.
NTA, she deserves to know the truth 100%.
That said, be prepared for a bad response — not because you did anything wrong — but it’s easier to shoot the messenger unfortunately.
I’m so sorry this happened, and I wish you the best.
Just do it
NTA – report his cheating ass to his wife without a second thought. Cheaters suck and deserve to be exposed.
I would figure out a way to expose your wife and him at work as well unless you think it could get her fired.
Maybe wait until after the divorce settlement and then out her at work.
Updateme
NTA. She deserves to know
Tell.
Let’s all bask in the light.
NTA
The AP blew up your relationship. Return the favour.
I would tell her, yeah.
NTA, tell her and get rid of your wife!
Ntah
NTA. She deserves the truth. And I wouldn’t count on her cheating husband to deliver it to her.
Her husband is exposing her to diseases without her consent. She needs to know.
NTA
Scorched earth! Make it painful. That way next time it crosses their minds maybe they’ll think about the consequences.
Alls fair in love and war
Tell her, she should know. That way she can make an educated decision about her health and her future.
Yes she deserves the truth but let’s be real. You 100% DESERVED the payback and everyone involved deserved what happens to them. To me it wouldn’t matter if you were 100% driven by vengeance.
NTA. Tell the wife of the coworker. Tell the boss of both of these individuals as most companies have restrictions for personal relationships due to potential harassment, workplace dynamics, and conflicts of interest. Sorry this has happened to you. I’ve seen it happen even among teachers at schools. Both teachers had to leave the school district as it spread over to the students. Parents of the students called and complained that kids were being put in positions that made them uncomfortable. Both teachers would send a student during class instruction, with notes or items to give to the other teacher. Then, they hooked up at a district paid conference. Both left before they lost their jobs. But, they both got hired at the same school site in another district. As far as I know, they are no longer together nor work at the same school site.
Nope cheaters should always be exposed and that includes your family and friend group..
She deserves to know so she can make an informed decision on her future and her life.
You’d want to know, right?
updateme
Tell her, who cares if a part of it is spiteful. They both chose to lie and cheat, and they deserve to face the consequences. That man’s wife deserves to know. You’re not the asshole imo. They are both the assholes
Tell her and get STI tested. Your wife is likely not the only one he’s fucking behind his wife’s back.
NTA .She needs the truth so she can make informed decisions about her life.
If they’re upset about that, they should have kept their clothes on.
Get em son. Scorched earth.
Do it
She needs to know. I am for people having all the facts and allowing them to make their own decisions.
100% tell her.
Yes, possibly the A, though I know this is opposite of what most people here are saying.
But question first, are you and your wife still together? Or planning to stay together or are you or she moving out and separating? Did you pack a bag and are you staying at a hotel already or something? Or are you going to try and work through it and forgive her and go to couples counseling, etc.
I think it’s not your business to be the one to tell her. Not to mention, it’s only been a few days, I would give it time, then decide. First work out your own situation and separation if that is what is happening or therapy and reconciliation, etc., because Right now I think you are acting on anger and want revenge. That’s a reasonable reaction but first take accountability in dealing with your own relationship, fixing or moving on. And just dealing with your own emotions on being cheated on, rather than possibly trying to take it out on someone else. Maybe go talk to a counselor by yourself for a bit to work through all the things coming up for you.
I’m sorry that your wife cheated on you, that’s a tough spot to be in, but first and foremost think about your own life before destroying others. Note, that I’m not saying this other person doesn’t deserve to necessarily know about it, that may or may not be the case, you also don’t know if she already knows he cheats you do not know anything about their intimate relationship, but it just may not be your place to tell her. Focus on your relationship and feelings for now as there is much to deal with. Revisit this part of the situation down the road.
Sure, she should know who she’s married to. Oh, and see a lawyer. Your wife will certainly cheat again.
Tell her, you won’t respect yourself if you don’t.
NTA
It ain’t revenge telling her is common decency
Wouldn’t you want her to tell you if she found out 1st!?
Is she hot?
100% she deserves to know. I don’t even think this is revenge.
I hope you’ve spoken to a divorce lawyer.
Why would you trust anything your wife says? Tell the co-workers wife.
NTA. Sometimes revenge is warranted.
Where’s your wife living now?
For further context:
We have been together 8 years total and married for 2. We have a house and a daughter.
I want to at least try to reconcile with her before I push for divorce.
If he has already told his wife, there shouldn’t be an issue for you to get her side of the story.
Hey 2 things can be true at the same time. Does she deserve to know? Hell yes 109%. Is it gonna feel good to fuck up his life like he helped your wife to do? Hell yes. I hope shes your soon to be ex-wife?
NTA. Tell her.
Yep, tell her. If you were in her position you would want to know
If you want to tell her, tell her. Does it really matter if people think you are an AH for telling this woman “hey, your spouse cheated on you with my spouse.”
You still need to tell the wife anyway I think they’re lying to you and if you really wanna blow up their world inform their employer of what is going on
It will possibly cost them both their jobs. If you inform the employer, the reason why most businesses have rules against the inner Office romance for legal reasons and the other thing is if their employees are married and cheating with each other I imagine they look down on that very much though .
My personal opinion is that your marriage is over that there’s nothing worth saving and the reason why I say that is because she did not come to you and admit infidelity or sorrow which she is sorry that you caught her without true remorse. There’s no recovery I would get an STD test. Next thing you need to do is talk to a lawyer to see what your legal options are to protect yourself legally also, I would start separating your finances.
And if you have children, you need to protect them Your wife’s behavior is unacceptable and you need to start protecting yourself alsoAnd
why do you care?
Papi, NTA. Just proceed with caution, and god bless you in tough times
I would want to know and would thank you for telling me
Tell the wife so she can have proper retribution in divorce court if she so pleases. I would want to know.
NTA she needs to know that she needs an STD panel and that she’s in a fake marriage.
A condition of your reconciliation should be for your wife to confess to the AP’s wife. If she tries protecting her AP, you’re wasting your time. If she makes excuses, you’re wasting your time. If she prioritizes anything other than permanently cutting off this other man, dropping to her knees in apology every day, and focusing solely on helping you heal & fixing what’s broken inside her… you’re wasting your time.
Also, even under perfect circumstances… you may still be wasting your time. Sorry sir.
Are you still married to your wife
I’m been through similar. I was not willing to be part of any additional secrets. I discovered several “friends” had knowledge and said nothing to me and I was not going to do that to someone else.
That said I also realized that I was about to blow up another persons world and I needed to approach this in a kind and humane way. I gather some concrete proof to help displace her shock and denial. In my it was someone that was an acquaintance and reached out to their pastor so there was some to help them process this trauma and betrayal.
‘Vengeance is mine, and I will repay’. Tolstoy
NTA. It’s only fair that she know what her husband is up to.
NTA do it for the revenge
NTA
It will be difficult for her to hear but she needs to know so she can make an informed decision on her future with her husband.
If he’s already “told his wife about it” then it’s not a secret, so there’s no reason for you not to bring it up with her… NTA
So everyone’s been pretty clear you wouldn’t be the AH, I would just like to acknowledge that you actually made a long story short.
NOT telling her is cruel.
Tell her.
She absolutely needs the truth
Mate I couldn’t agree more with you, she deserves to know and quite frankly, fuck him, he deserves everything coming to him for assisting in blowing up your life… NTA
NTA.
Shoot. Tell me and I’ll tell her for you so you can say. “I didn’t tell her”
The truth is always right.
NTA. She needs to know, tell her.
NTAH. Cheaters should never be protected from the consequences of their actions. They are vile, trashy, classless, selfish, and abusive people.
If coworker told his wife about it, it’s only fair you tell her to confirm she knows. Even when you take revenge out of the picture.
Abso-fucking-lutely.
Let her know. She deserves the truth.
The least you could do.
Yes. Stay out of someone else’s marriage.
You’d be a pretty awful person for not telling her as she deserves to know her husband has betrayed her in the worst way possible.
Your wife’s lover’s wife deserves to know about the cheating and your wife deserves divorce papers