Last night I had a guy over to watch a movie and before he came over I specifically said that I didn’t want to hook up. Fast forward, we were cuddling and we started making out he started fingering me which was okay but without any warning he put his penis inside of me. I didn’t really realize it was happening because we were both fully clothed. He didn’t ask or say anything to make me aware we were having sex. When I finally realized that’s what was happening I was so surprised I just kind of went with it and then he tried to put both his finger and penis in my ass but I told him not to. He kept asking but finally gave up. Then he came. This all happened in about a 60 second to 2 minute time span. He wasn’t wearing a condom and I am not on the pill. I was kind of in shock at how quickly it happened and I asked him if this is what he normally does and he told me he stopped masturbating for the week to save it all up. I don’t know if he had planned doing this or not. I told him I felt like a human flesh light. He just kind of laughed and said he didn’t mean to make me feel that way. I am pretty shaken up by it. I don’t really know what happened. I feel completely violated but I also didn’t say no or make him leave immediately. I was just in shock.
I’m not sure if I was raped or what I should do.
r/Advice
Comments
I’m sorry this happened, it sounds really like an awful experience.
You didn’t give consent to that so I guess it can be called an assault. I’m not expert here but the fact that you weren’t pushing him away because of the shock doesn’t mean you agreed to it.
I didn’t get if he came inside, but regardless he is so reckless to do it without protection. Please test yourself. Don’t let that asshole give you any more problems than he already did.
God I am getting madder by the second while I type this
Of course is assault and I would strangle the guy if I could.
I just hope you can process it and heal.
I hope you are not feeling too bad.
I’m gonna tell you this because you didn’t mention it in the post: block the guy
block him on everything, real life included. Stay away from him. Don’t let people disrespect you, your body and your wishes and get away.
I just sincerely hope you will feel better.
Sending you virtual cookies to heal. Baked goods don’t fix the problem, but chocolate chips have superpowers.
🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪
Without having seen the making out, we can’t say for sure, but based on the story as presented I’d say probably yes.
Consent does not need to be explicit – you can give implied consent through your actions. Typically by participating you’re consenting to some level of escalation and you can stop it at any time. But large jumps in escalation are usually not impliedly consented to. It seems like he put his penis in you suddenly, rather than as the logical next step to the hookup, which would mean that it was probably rape rather than a simple misread.
Sounds like you were assaulted, Im sorry that happened to you
This is horrible. What a scumbag, I’m so sorry this happened to you. You deserve better than this. He tricked you and manipulated you. First thing I would say is that this is not your fault. Forgive yourself for your part of this, you clearly stated your boundaries and he kept pestering you for more. Motherfucker.
If you told him no… that means no…
Why didn’t you say no and push him off of you instead of just going with it?
I was a social worker for a time at a center providing services to survivors of SA and DV. At the end of the day, only you can say if you were assaulted. None of us were there. But based on the details you provided, yes. You were assaulted. An absence of “no” is not an implied “yes”. Absolutely nothing – not the making out, nothing – that happened inherently means you weren’t assaulted. I’d recommend contacting a rape crisis/trauma center near you. If you’ve not showered, don’t. Go directly to a hospital and say you need a rape kit. Ask that they provide you an advocate, or you can call one from the center to meet you at the hospital. Even if you decide to not move forward with charges, collecting the evidence will ensure you have the option to press charges if you want to. The nurse who does the exam and evidence collection will also be able to give you medication to prevent pregnancy, and run tests to make sure you didn’t contract anything from him. I’m not going to lie to you. A rape kit is grueling. But, in all my time working with survivors, I’ve never had one say they regretted doing it. Only that they regretted not. It just limits your options, without the kit. But that’s why it’s important to make sure you have an advocate. I’d recommend bringing a friend or family member who can support you, but I’d also be sure to have a professional advocate there. Let me know if you need anything. I’m so sorry this happened. You did not deserve it. You did not ask for it. It is not your fault. You will survive this.
You didn’t give consent to any of that. It was definitely assault. I’m so sorry and please get away from him.
Dude he raped you, I would file a police report
I am sorry,to what happened to you ..but I think the all the thing you said here you should said to him directly..as you know,we man have more sexual desire than woman but it doesn’t mean we are animals..ya some time it get out of control but we try to control it ..I want to tell you a story of my friend in my college there is a guy ..some thing happened like that with him and b/w one girl she raised a complaint in police and his life got ruined he is in prison ..his career got wasted his parents hate him now..and I can definitely say that he is not a bad guy…I think you should talk to him and tell him what you feel so that the next time he came to you or he go to any type of girl he must be careful..ya and after telling you if he do like that then fuck him..
It indeed does sound like it all happened very fast. Way too fast in my opinion but only you can determine if you feel you were assaulted. Yes you did not plan to have sex, then you guys started fooling around, before you knew it his penis was in you and he was done. If you feel violated then that is your right. I’d maybe talk to a medical professional to sort through your feelings. Either way, I’m sorry you felt violated like you couldn’t do or say anything.
He was definitely aggressive and extremely horny. I’ve been there, too, and it’s not a pleasant feeling. It left me confused as well. Do you think he would have stopped if you said no?
I would put the blame on you as well.
You invited him in without setting clear boundaries.
You started making out with him, and him fingering you was the next part……nowhere did you indicate that you didn’t want it to lead to sex….or you want it to only stop till making out and fingering.
Then you didn’t push him off or tell him to quit after he put it inside you….you went along with it.
I don’t see how that’s a surprise if you are heavily making out and he is fingering you. That’s expected that the next step would be sex. Though, he was a bit quick to reach that point.
And you didn’t care about the condom.
Inviting a guy bk at your place and engaging in intimacy with him without condom or birth control is reckless and a recipe for disaster.
As, for the guy, it was wrong of him to try to ask you to put his body parts in your back side when you said no.
But that’s not rpe. It would have been rpe if he put it inside despite your unwillingness.
Make btr choices next time.
You were fully clothed but he put his dick in you? Doesn’t compute.
You were sa ‘d you didn’t consent in fact you told him no ahead of time. You should have stopped him as soon as you realized but you were probably in shock somewhat. Don’t see him again,get tested for STDs and get the morning after pill if available,check the pharmacy birth control section or talk to the doctor. You could press charges but they likely won’t stick ,just don’t let him near you again and stop bringing guys home only meet in busy public places until you can make sure they won’t force sex on you. Sorry that happened to you.
Yes. You were assualted. If you haven’t showered already, then that’s good. Present your self to the nearest police station or the hospital so they can get some swabs from you.
Reading through this comment section makes it obvious who the rapists are.
CONSENT IS EXPLICIT and FREELY GIVEN.
If I say YES, I MEAN yes–as long as I also have the freedom to say no without consequence.
If I say NO, I MEAN NO.
If I say NOTHING, I MEAN NO.
SILENCE IS NOT CONSENT.
Got it?
If you have trouble understanding this, let’s try an experiment. Imagine someone holding a rather large object and asking if they can shove it up your ass.
If you are silent (due to fear, illness, language barrier so you don’t even understand the question, too inebriated, asleep, unconscious, or for any other reason), does that mean they have your consent to shove it up your ass???? NO.
If you say no, do they have your consent? NO.
If you say yes, do they have your consent? Not if there’s a gun to your head!