26M / 30F – Ex keeps running hot and cold. Is this avoidant behavior, and can it ever get better?

I (26M) was with my ex (30F) for a few months. Before that, we spent 2 months on the phone every day for hours. After we met, I was at her place most weekends, met her kids, and things felt strong between us.

But there’s been a pattern: whenever things got intense, she’d push me away. She’d block me or say she “can’t do this,” then come back saying she loves me but is scared. She admits she fears everything and feels damaged.

Last week she ended things again. I’ve stayed silent since, but before that she was calling me a lot. I do feel she loves me in her own way, but she also crossed boundaries and broke my trust — like giving her ex (her kids’ dad, together 11 years, broken up for 4.5) lifts and deleting texts with him.

I’m confused. I love her, but I don’t know if this can ever get better or if it’s always going to be like this.

My questions: • Can avoidant partners actually change and build something healthy? • Does staying silent/no contact really work with someone like this? • How do you know if it’s fear holding them back, or if they just don’t love you enough?

TL;DR: Ex keeps running hot/cold — ends it, blocks me, comes back saying she loves me but is scared. She’s crossed boundaries with her kids’ dad which broke my trust. Been silent since she ended it last week. Not sure if it’s avoidant behavior, if no contact works, or if she just doesn’t feel strongly enough.