Ok so I’m a 48 y/o mom, divorced, got 2 sons (23M and 16M). I work full time as a nurse and honestly I’m just tired most days. Still somehow manage to keep the house standing. Not a mansion or anything but it’s clean and it’s mine and I like my peace.
Anyway. My younger son — let’s call him Jake — had a couple of his friends over the other night. They were hanging out in the living room, playing xbox or whatever, eating chips and yelling like usual.
I’d just come off a long-ass shift and had another one in the morning, so around 10:30pm I asked them to keep the noise down a bit. I didn’t yell, I just said “Hey guys, can we turn it down a little?” Real casual. They said sure.
So I go back to my room and literally like 4 minutes later I hear one of the boys — “Liam” — say pretty loud, “Bro, your mom’s being a buzzkill tonight” or something like that. Followed by laughing.
I just kinda laid there like… really? In my house??
So yeah I got up and said something like, “Liam, you’re a guest in my house. If asking you to be respectful is too much, maybe you don’t need to be here tonight.” Probably came off snappy, not gonna lie.
He looked all awkward and mumbled a sorry, and I said “yeah alright, I think it’s time to head out.”
Jake didn’t say anything right away but later on he got mad and said I embarrassed him and kicked out his friend “for no reason.” He’s been cold to me since and acting like I nuked his whole night for fun.
I’m sitting here wondering if I was too harsh. Like yeah maybe I could’ve let it slide, but also — it’s my damn house?? I’m not gonna be disrespected like that just cause I asked for some quiet.
Idk. Maybe I was too on edge. I had a long day and maybe took it out on a dumb kid. But also… have some manners?
AITA?
Comments
I guess I can see being a little annoyed, but it’s not like what he said was actually insulting or anything like that. And he apologized… so personally, I think kicking him out was a little much.
ESH His comment was disrespectful and kicking him out was too much.
I’m curious, when do you get your night of fun?
Your son should have asked his friend to respect your need for rest when he rudely mouthed off about not being able to do what he wanted in sometime else’s home. NTA.
I would have a chat with your son about what it’s like to work all day in your job.
And for the record, my parents would never put up with that type of talk in their house and their jobs weren’t nearly as physically exhausting. We kids respected what they were doing for us.
NTA. But your son kinda is.
You asked for basic respect in your own home after a long shift—that’s not a buzzkill, that’s boundaries.
What’s disappointing is that your son didn’t check his friend or back you up. Instead, he treated your correction like punishment.
These kids get too comfortable sometimes, talking like they’re the ones paying the mortgage. A little reminder of who keeps the lights on isn’t out of line.
I don’t think kicking him out was too much. You weren’t rude about it. I bet he’ll be more considerate in the future, and not just to you.
its your house, your rules, and you asked nicely the first time If a guest cant show basic respect, especially after you’ve worked all day then its perfectly reasonable to call it out. your son might not get it now but hell look back one day and realize you weren’t being unfair you were just setting a boundary
Thinking this is at least partially your fault. Friends really shouldn’t stay past 10 pm on workdays. No rules = chaos
NTA
What you said wasn’t a “big ask”.
Liam disrespected you in your home.
You were absolutely right in the way you handled that!
Our kids have their friends over all the time.
Our home is the “safe home” for everyone to hang at.
We provide meals & snacks.
In return we ask them to be respectful, especially when we have to work the next day or when we ask them to clean up after themselves, etc.
Kids & teens sometimes push Boundaries.
It’s up to us to enforce them.
Jake can choose to speak up himself, to remind his friends to be respectful so that you won’t have to. Or he will be treated to the same enforcement of the Boundary.
Kids and teens make mistakes. Sometimes we do as well. But it’s definitely ok to expect Respect in your own home and when it’s not being given you do have the Right to speak up and take care of it.
They’re teens! LOL they definitely learned tonight! 💜
I think part of today’s problem with kids is that there aren’t enough moms in the world like you! If I were the friend’s parent, I would be mortified to think my child would have mouthed off like that one did in your house! Your son should have stood up for you! You supplied the house, the Xbox, and the snacks and asked for a little quiet?! Hmmmm
Entitled brat! You don’t deserve that. Tell him to go get a long arse job where you’re on your feet all day and see how it feels!
NTA, just off work and dealing with loud ass kids, tell them to STFU or GTFO.
You kicked him out gor being rude. You need to have a good conversation with your son about respect and how you won’t tolerate his friends treating you like this in your home
NTA-I probably wouldn’t have kicked him out (but I also didn’t just work a long and trying shift in a hospital) but it sounds like he needed to be called out. I think you can talk to Jake and explain that it was a long day and your patience was thin. He’s definitely old enough to hear what a day in your life is like. Tell him you’re going to make a rule that they have to be quiet after 10 pm but that you won’t kick anyone out without a warning next time. Maybe even tell him it hurt your feelings that he didn’t stand up for you. He knew you worked all day after all.
I can’t even imagine my kids’ friends say anything like this about me in my house. Your son is 16, he is old enough to know better. You worked all day, you are tired, you have another one at the morning, and they are yelling at night? He thinks his friends can disrespect you and expects you to roll over and take it? NTA.
NTA. Kid was rude and owes you an apology before being invited over again.
Your son needs to make sure his friends are respectful of you.
NTA. You’re good. Son needs a lesson in respect, however you want to teach it.
Definitely NTA. Those are some entitled ass kids who have no semblance of respect. You were completely in your right to check those egos. Hell, you could have been even harsher and it would have been justified. Those kids are spoiled to the core.
NTA but I would try to have a talk with him to remind him of being respectful of others in shared spaces. He’s a teen so he’s in that stage where he gets carried away while having fun with his friends and might forget they’re not the only people in the world. I’m 23 and it still happens to me sometimes when I’m out for the night. A quick little talk to jog his memory won’t hurt any!
Nope, not the asshole. Even the kid knew he was wrong. Your son needs to learn a little respect and gratitude.
NTA. Never let anyone disrespect you in your own house.
This was in the 80s (I’m old) but I had a friend of a friend come to my house where we were hanging out. We were all in our early 20s at the time, and I knew the guy “B” a little because he was friend of my friend “F”.
B sits on my couch and puts his feet up on my coffee table. I tell him “Heyt man, don’t put your feet on my coffee table.” This little jackass (and he was a skinny little asshole that always acted like he was movie tough guy) says “Make me,”.
Woohoo, me and another friend I’ll call “C”…well, we beat him up and tossed him out of the door like a medieval peasant would toss the contents of a chamber pot onto the street. F didn’t do anything but tell him “Bad move, man.”
Funny thing is B sat on the curb for a full hour while the rest of us hung out until F went ab drove him home. After that F would tell me B wanted to come hang out with us when we were at my house but I wouldn’t let him in until he APOLOGIZED and meant it. I’ll give him this, B did apologize and we got to be “kinda” friends. At least friends enough that when he killed himself in the late 90s I was pissed at him because he could have reached out to many of us, me included, for help. That’s another story, I’m sorry for the tangent…
But NEVER let anyone disrespect you in YOUR house.
Hot take. It’s your house if you don’t want a child being disrespectful to you in it, you don’t have to let them.
That being said you probably could have addressed it differently. Time and place comes to mind. I think I would have pulled my child aside and talked to him about his friends behaviour/comment and how it might be okay at his friends home but that’s not something you want in your yours and if he wants this friend to be able to continue to come over he needs to shut it down.
Adult daughter of a single mother, also a nurse. I’d like to chime in; you’re doing a great job. I can recall Mum pinning a photocopy of her roster above the telephone (yeah, we had landlines, not mobiles haha) and whether we could have friends over depended on her shifts. We could read her roster and figure it out by the time we were teens.
By age 16, we could have a single, QUIET friend over at any stage of the weekend, no questions asked. If we wanted a group hang out, it was a courtesy message “X, Y, Z joining us for dinner Mum, I’m going to make spaghetti.” If the weekend happened to be at the end of a series of shifts (like working Tue – Sun), I could go to a mates place but no groups were coming home with me!
To your issue, I will say it sounds like an embarrassed teen gave a sincere apology. While I’m all for actions having consequences, I do hope you let bygones be bygones the next time you see the kid because he sounds like he ran his mouth before his brain. I bet he’s learned something, and hopefully your son has too. NTA.
You’re not wrong for asking them to keep it down, but they’re just kids getting hyped off each others energy, not doing any harm, they’re not drunk or drugged up, they’re playing a video games and championing each other. They sound like decent boys. In your own words, they were just “yelling like usual”. They just weren’t thinking.
Im not saying boys will be boys, I don’t go for that, but I am saying they’re just kids. No swearing, no breaking things, not even really acting out. “Buzzkill” really set you off that much? You did kill their buzz, with valid reason, but he can’t say that?
I understand that you work hard and you were tired. You could have just rolled your eyes and gone to bed. But you went back out there and had to have the last word. I bet those boys all already adore you and they clearly feel safe and comfortable in your home. If you asked for a hand would they get up and all help?
I kind of feel like there are bigger issues out there, and it’s good you don’t have to deal with them. Was this really such a big disrespect?
If you decide that for you it was, then I’m on your side. If you decide that maybe in hindsight it wasn’t, then that’s cool too. You deserve to be respected.
NAH
you did nothing wrong.
NTA. The boys are old enough to be considerate to other members of the household. Your house, your rules for your son AND his friends.
You were correct in calling out the behavior. As a nurse peoples lives are depending on you and you rest is more important than a kid’s tender feelings. He was completely out of line and needed to be corrected and your son should have put him back in line as well. Don’t sweat it.
You NTA. Your son & his friends can respect your house & requests or go to their own houses. You didn’t ask for silence, just quiet(er) than what they were doing. One day when they’re all tired from working, kids, house, (adulting) they will understand. NTA
YTA. This reads like you gave Liam a direct warning, Liam accepted the warning, and then you kicked him out.
Maybe I could let it slide. But I had a long day.
NTA. Once when my sister was in high school two of her friends tracked mud into the house and up our carpeted stairs. My mum called them out and they both just said their mums would just clean it no biggy. My mum was quite stern with them and talked about respect and made them clean it up. They were always much more respectful when they came over after that.
I know what it’s like in the medical field. I know how stressful it is. I know it’s 12-hour days I’ve done it and I applaud you for it but it’s your house and they were being disrespectful and the job you do is a very hard difficult job. So yeah you had every right and your son’s being a little brat for being mad at you when he should have stuck up for you. NTA
NTA, my best friend at that age mom, was an ER doctor and worked stupid long hours. She asked us to be quiet, we listened…and to be honest, we didn’t want to be warned again.
All in all they are still a guest in your house.
NTA- Your house. Your children and guests need to be respectful of your home and of you needing to rest and unwind after work. If your son doesn’t like you setting boundaries in your own home, tell him his friends don’t need to come over for a couple of weeks and he can help you out instead of playing video games. And when you do resume letting him hang out with his friends, when they are at your home, you can institute a cut off time for noisy activities.
It’s so bewildering to me because when I was growing up we were never allowed to treat adults that way.
NTA. If he is not taught manners in his own home, then he should not complain if they are taught outside of it.
it was just kids goofing around
NTA, not even remotely. Kudos to you for calling the kid out, and I agree with the others that it conversation with your son about respect is in order.
NTA. Biggest lesson learned in life – You have to teach some people how to treat you… especially the ones who were never taught manners. Boundaries are important and being the alpha in this situation was your right. I’d have a convo with your kid. Tell him you love that his friends are comfortable in your home, and they are welcome as long as they are respectful – and that it’s his job to manage their behavior around the house rules or you will – every time.
NTA these young guys need to respect others
When Liam was rudeJake should have shot him down immediately and not laughed. A simple ’Dude, my mom works hard and she wants to rest so don’t be rude’ would have been the appropriate answer instead of letting them laugh and / or laughing with them. NTA!
YTA let the kids have fun or they will hate you for being a karen
NAH. You did the right thing. I am just saying “NAH” since they are kids who are still learning. not about to hold it against them, especially if they learned to not do that in the future.
Tell your son that you are disappointed in him not standing up for you in your own house after you had worked your ass off to provide him with the things that he has.
Tell him that his friends don’t get to be disrespectful to you in any way and if he feels that same way about you then he is more than welcome to start providing for himself and his rude friends. Ask him if he would have felt comfortable saying the same thing to his friends mother? No? Well then why was he comfortable having his friend do it to you?
Ask him and make him answer these questions. Respect is a 2 way street and if wants it he needs to give it
Source- Mother of 3 boys who were taught very early on that if they don’t respect me then they don’t receive it
NTA!! Your house, your rules! Son must learn some respect! Tell him it could be worse…he could have no friends to kick out!! Best of luck!
Nta, good job parenting
NTA
This is your house and he disrespected you.
But your son is AH because he didn’t said anything.