Hi, I’m a 21-year-old female, I’m someone who wants to live my own life but is suffering with a helicopter parent.
So tonight, i was trying to log into a thing for my new job and got my mother to help me out by giving her my laptop but she then took the chance while having my laptop to start going through my Email and all my personal details. I was also recently in a Tafe corse and just recently I had asked one of the administrators that i would like all my information to be personal and not be given to anyone especially my mother as she is always breathing down my neck for these things.
Tonight, while snooping though my personal email she found that message and is now pissed off with me that I asked to not have my information given to her. She also a few nights ago had asked me to give her access to my Personal Emails as to be a second pair of eyes for me using my Dyslexia and ADHA against me even after she refused to get me diagnosed till, I was in year 12 after failing everything.
I also don’t know what to do as she knows everyone in this place and anyone, I know she knows. I’m in SES and one of the superiors to me is also in cadets and my mother is also in cadets as well. their good friends and she tells my superior everything about me and the parts I don’t want him knowing making it hard to even want to be in SES anymore.
I don’t know what to do about my mother breathing down my neck all the time to the point I feel like I can breathe. I need some help or advice just anything to help me cope with this or deal with this.
Comments
That honestly sounds exhausting. You’re 21, which means legally you’re an adult – your mom has no right to access your private emails or demand institutions share your personal info with her. It’s not illegal for her to snoop through your laptop if you gave it to her willingly, but it’s definitely a violation of your privacy and boundaries.
You did the right thing by asking TAFE to keep your information private -that’s completely within your rights. Same goes for your job; you can tell HR or admin directly not to share anything with your mother.
The harder part is the social side, since she’s involved in the same circles (SES, cadets, etc.). That puts you in a tough spot because anything you do, she’ll hear about. But at some point you might need to set firmer boundaries, like password-protecting all your accounts, not letting her use your devices, and only sharing what you choose to share.
It’s not easy when your parent doesn’t respect boundaries, but you’re not wrong for wanting space. You deserve privacy and independence, especially now that you’re an adult.
Meh. You gave the laptop to her and you did not (per your story) ask for it back. It’s your property. You control it at all times. NTA.
posted 10 minutes ago and 31 upvotes already? That’s not normal.
Woman not female