My (f23) sister (f29) recently got pregnant. She and her husband have been struggling for a while with fertility, so this is kinda a small miracle for them. Everyone is happy on their behalf and my sister and her husband came over for dinner to celebrate with my parents, me and my girlfriend (f28). Dinner is nice, everyone is in a splendid mood. Me and my gf get up to smoke at one point. We go outside, far away from everyone, share a cigarette and go back in. When we come back the mood has completely changed and after a few minutes my sister and her husband leave. My parents are confused and so am I. Later tho, parents get a text from my sister explaining she wants an apology from me and my gf from bringing poison (her words) so close to her unborn child.
I told my parents I think it’s bullshit, and my dad agrees, but my mom just wants me to say sorry so we can be friends again. I don’t wanna row with my sister over something so stupid, but her acting like that pissed me off. Would I be the asshole for refusing to apologise? Like, can’t I be allowed to smoke outside my own house when it’s far away from my sister?
Comments
Not the asshole. They came over to your place. You went outside and distanced yourself. You did nothing wrong. Don’t apologize when you’ve done nothing wrong, or you become an enabler to their continued unreasonableness.
NTA you poisoned your addicted selves not the unborn child.
NTA
But try to have some sympathy for your sister. When there are fertility issues, some women tend to feel responsible and/or guilty for it. She is probably super anxious about the situation and is trying to control everything that she can’t. I’m not saying that this is good or healthy, and the self inflicted stress might bear heavier on the pregnancy than if you actually had smoked right next to her. But it is propbably something she can’t help.
NTA. She’s being overly paranoid, with good reason to be, but it’s still unreasonable to ask you to apologize for indulging in a toxic substance far, far away from her. You did that to be courteous.
Your sister is so dramatic and self-centered. I think she is the golden child and the fact that your mom is on her side. Plus, you were outside just like you wrote. Nta
NTA. It’s your house and you weren’t smoking around people. That being said, she is probably sensitive. She had done all she could to be healthy and get pregnant and she sees you two doing something very unhealthy.
As an aside, smokers think that because they step outside to smoke that they don’t stink. They do. It’s on your clothes and your hair and breath.
You don’t owe an apology though.
I mean did you HAVE to smoke a ciggy? NTA. It’s your home and you walked far away but yk thy smell lingers. Idk maybe a little bit Yta.
NTA and I feel really sorry in advance for your niece/nephew.
You weren’t blowing smoke in her face. She needs to chill she ain’t the main character just for reproducing
NTA. She’s bonkers.
I mean, I don’t like the smell of cigarette smoke either but you didn’t bring it anywhere near her
NTA
NTA – I detest smoking. I am allergic to it. It causes my eyes to swell and I have trouble breathing (probably the chemicals the tobacco is treated with).
Now, that being said, you went outside, you were respectful. The smoke didn’t come in with you (I wouldn’t think unless you were too close to the door). The smell would. That smell wouldn’t be any worse than perfume, hairspray, room deodorizer, and etc. (Yes, I have an issue when someone bathes in perfume). Most perfumes are chemicals also, does she wear perfume? Does her husband? Does your parents? do they use candles? Do they
NTA, she’s over sensitive. Different scenario if you smoked next to her.
NTA.
NTA. You went outside to smoke, that’s very considerate of your sister and her pregnancy, whether you normally do so or not. You kept it away from sis and the baby, there’s zero risk here.
Maybe your sister is being a bit over the top due to her issues with getting pregnant, I can understand being overly protective. But that doesn’t mean you need to apologise for literally preventing any danger to her baby from your smoking. Your sister is demanding you apologise for NOT putting her baby at any level of risk, which is just nuts.
Op i’m soo sorry but am i reading this correctly: your sister came to YOUR home, you and your gf went a reasonable distance away for a smoke…and your sister is freaking out…why?
NTA Op i despise the smell of cigarettes but you went outside, it’s not like you lit one up at the table. You did nothing wrong but your sister seems to be mommy dearest’s golden child
You didn’t smoke in her presence. She’s the asshole
NTA. You specifically went outside to smoke, which means secondhand smoke is not an issue here. Yes, the smell might linger afterwards, but that still doesn’t pose a danger to your sister or her baby. Of course she’s sensitive and stressed after years of infertility, and that’s completely understandable, but to seriously demand an apology because of this? I don’t see why you should apologize.
NTA and neither is your sister. You went away to smoke, which is perfectly acceptable. If you wanted to say anything to your sister, you could just be like “mom and dad said you texted them. I didn’t realize the smoke was a strong scent (or whatever you want to say there). I won’t do it if you’re around.” That way you aren’t apologizing but acknowledging a “concern” she has.
NTA
Your sister needs to realise that having a child doesn’t mean she gets the entire world her own way.
She breathes air, doesn’t she? It’s full pollutants
NAH it turns out third hand smoke is very real. She knows you smoke and she came to your house. You have a right to smoke in your house. She has a right to leave.
She doesn’t deserve an apology.
Your sister is going to get a very unpleasant reality check on raising a child.
It’s 2025, why are you smoking?
NTA you went outside and away from her. It would be different if you were smoking next to her. If anything you did the right thing
NTA at all
Your sister went to a smoker’s house. So she’s the one who exposed herself to “poison”, willingly
You and your GF did exactly the right thing: went out, far from everyone, had your cigarettes and went back
Please don’t apologize. Your sister just has shown that this pregnancy is going to be very rough on all of you, with this little nonsense. Next time, your mother will have to apologize for using certain perfume that makes her sick. So it’s better she knows that she’s another pregnant lady that has to adapt to the world, not the other way around
NTA. Apologizing for this is the first step toward being arrested for thought crimes and having to apologize for things you said in dreams.
Guess what you’re not going to be able to smoke before you hold the baby either because you need to change your clothes because smoke clings and it can hurt a baby.
There can be effects on children from “third-hand smoke” exposure. That said, your sister cannot control the actions of everyone else in the world.