Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/X9Cz2wZytC
I read all of the comments and there was a sentiment that kept repeating – “you let…” One particular comment said I let my SIL leech onto my SO all day…
The fight my SO and I had was about SK making up false SA allegations about me, on instructions of her mother. I said to SO that to protect myself, I would no longer be helping with changing SK or taking her to the bathroom. My SO was pissed at me, acting like I’m hysterical and overreacting. The reason I asked my SIL for advice is because she has two kids and I thought she could advise me on how to handle it, as my SO was brushing me off. She also acted like I’m hysterical, and like kids making up SA allegations is completely normal, so I asked her to just not mention anything about it and forget we talked. She said of course – but then proceeded to tell my whole family and my SO.
Before getting together with the rest of the family, I talked with SO to ask if we could put it behind us, to please let’s not fight anymore, and just enjoy our vacation and the kids’ birthdays. He would not let it go, and was ignoring me at the pool when SIL leeched onto him. He allowed her to. He did not put a stop to it. He spent the whole day with her, ignoring me.
While I can’t control what other people do, I can control what I put up with. So, in that sense, the comments saying I let it happen were right – I let it happen by sticking around. I have separated from SO.
It wasn’t just over this incident…and it wasn’t right away. After the trip I’ve fallen into a depression and went to the psychiatrist. She prescribed me antidepressants. They make me rather sleepy. The first night I started them, I went to pee half-asleep, and went back to bed. When I woke up – still rather sleepy, tired, and dizzy – my SO started yelling at me right away and slamming doors for me not feeding the dogs when I went to pee half asleep. So I left.
My family doesn’t like SO because he can be rather angry and aggressive in his expression of anger. One of the things SIL says is that my brother (her husband) and my dad are the real aggressive ones, that SO isn’t aggressive (she’s always defending him). He’s gone back and forth between getting help and then abandoning help. This doesn’t change what SIL did or said, or what my family did, so I’m still not talking to them either.
Comments
Sounds like your SO and SIL already have something going on. You and your brother are both better off without them.
Yeah now you need your brother to grow a pair and break up with SIL the cheater
You seem to live in a toxic family/situation. I don’t see that these people trust one another, respect one another, probably don’t like one another. What started out as a birthday celebration vacation for a child turned into a huge unpleasant week , especially for the birthday child, who was unable to leave. Shame on all the adults involved.
NTA AGAIN. The comments about ‘letting it happen’ probably meant not setting boundaries sooner, but what you’ve endured is abuse. The false SA allegation alone is unforgivable, but your SO’s reaction and subsequent yelling confirms you are separating from an abusive partner. You are doing the right thing for your health and safety.
WHY ARE YOU STILL IN CONTACT WITH THE SIL?