I’m black, 26M. My girlfriend is white 28F. We have a 2yo son. He did not pick up much of the black gene. He’s pretty white. I questioned it myself lol but he is mine.
My girlfriend does most of the pick ups from creche as its on her way home from work. Two days ago I did pick up, because my girlfriend was feeling a little ill.
I went to the door and all the staff in his room were new to me. I hadnt been there in awhile though. A girl probably 20-ish came to the door.
I said I’m here to pick up my son. She was kind of startled and she asked you’re his father. I said yeah. She said she had not met me yet. She asked my name. I gave it and she said thats right. She asked if she could see ID or do I know any worker that could verify who I was. There were a few mothers watching on. I showed her my licence and my phone wallpaper of my son, my gf and I. The mothers behind me spoke up saying that is his son.
She said I’m so sorry. I just wasn’t sure. I joked when I first saw him I wasn’t sure either. She was really embarrassed. She kept saying sorry. I said don’t worry, I’d rather you be extra careful that not careful enough.
I thought that was the end of it, but one of the mothers rang my gf that night saying what happened. My gf and group of them – all white – reported her two days ago. Apparently its going to be investigated.
I did the collection yesterday evening and she was there. I felt so bad. Apparently she cant speak to me me until after the investigation. I, also, got a call from the manager asking me about the incident.
Ive experienced racism and i can say with certainty she was not being racist.
I was annoyed and my gf and I had a big blow up. She said she was doing what was best for our family and that I didn’t deserve to be racially profiled. The creche can ask for an ID? š¤·āāļø
AITAH for being annoyed that she went behind my back and for demanding she remove the complaint and apologise to the worker.
Comments
How is it that all the parents recognized you but none of the workers did?
Don’t joke about paternity. It makes people uncomfortable, makes you look like kind of a jerk, and isn’t good for the kid either (I know he’s only 2 but he’s going to grow up and you need to stop this stuff before he internalizes it)
Wow. So your gf is OK with some guy coming to the daycare/creche and picking up your/her kid without confirmation of who the person is??? Wow. NTA for being annoyed. GF should be grateful that they don’t let just anyone come in and take kids because they say they are related.
NTA. The worker had every right to question you, itās their role, especially if no one knew who you are. Itās a bad world out there and Iād feel comforted knowing the workers are doing their due diligence.
GF sounds like a virtue signaller who wants any reason to experience āracismā
Ugh Iām so sorry this happened to you OP.
NTA all the way.
This is an unfortunate side effect of the broadening understanding of racism among white people. The issue is complex and the role of white people in racist structures can be hard for some people to understand and digest. The result among well-intentioned people is to overcorrect. They turn into a stereotype of seeing racism everywhere and their sense of responsibility can easily develop into a savior complex.
Itās important for white people to speak up about racism but when they center themselves over the Black person who was supposedly aggrieved, theyāre clearly doing it for themselves.
Your girlfriend should try to understand her wrongdoing here, and apologizing could be a meaningful part of a learning experience.
Sheās not a bad person and she was well-intentioned, but she was also wrong. A big part of being anti-racist as a white person is learning this humility and the grace to accept when a POC calls them in regarding something theyāve done wrong.
NTA. Your girlfriend and all her daycare mommy friends are the assholes for reporting the worker.Ā
The employee had never met you before and was doing her job keeping the kids safe by verifying your identity. If sheās doing her job correctly she would ID every parent she doesnāt recognize when they come to pick up their kids, regardless of what they look like.Ā
Your girlfriend should be grateful that sheās keeping the kids safe, instead of accusing her of racism.
You are correct. Your girlfriend jumped to conclusions.
Info: Would they have asked for ID from any father registered as a contact for the child? Did the other mothers witness other incidents where other fathers walked up, said their names, and that was enough?Ā
It sounds to me like a case of different life experiences, youāve had a lifetime of micro-aggressions over race, your girlfriend is now experiencing it first hand as a mother to a mixed race child. Yes it should have been your call to report it, but itās worth asking whether your girlfriend was acting out of fear for your kid. Fear that this is the kind of thing heās going to have to experience growing up just for having mixed-race heritage.
NAH This feels like something that needs more communication about between you both, maybe in couples therapy.
Is your wife an idiot?
She would be okay with the daycare handing off her kid to anyone who knows your name?
An absolute moron.
NTA, I would hope childcare workers would verify who is taking a child off premises. If she just took your word for it let you leave THAT wouldāve been a waking nightmare
Hi, white guy here and youāre NTA. Imo itās not the place of white people to be offended on behalf of other races. You did nothing wrong man and you sound like a good dadš«”
NTA Just for reference, I am white and my husband is black. We have had conversations about being identified as her parents (we were especially thinking airports) as if he either one of us was alone with her, you could easily question both of us. We both agreed that anyone in a position to protect our childās safety can ask anything they need to prove she belongs to us. Itās for her safety and we want everyone comfortable asking as opposed to be scared of offending us.
Your girlfriend and the other do-gooders at the school are misusing the term racial profiling and they are creating a situation that could put your child in danger. Ask her what she wants the school to do if a random black man with no connection to your son tries to pick him up and no one asks for ID because theyāre afraid of being āracistā. I would be very concerned about this honestly.
NTA but your gf is. This is the process for picking a child up. This had nothing to do with race. Your gf has white knight syndrome
Yeah YTA but not for why you think. The below is NOT a joke, dude.
>I joked when I first saw him I wasn’t sure either.
When a different person Iāve not seen before comes to collect kids after my sonās karate class I often ask the child who this is. The parents have told me in advance but itās not quite as strict as a daycare as there arenāt any passwords and the youngest is 5.
How is that racist at all? Seems like a common sense safety check to me.
People are so afraid to be racist that they are actually swinging back the other way lol
Nta. I look like my kids dad and I have to show my OD to pick them up. I would be annoyed of i didnt.
This wasnt racism. This was someone doing their job. Especially as like you said you dont look like their father.
NTA.. the worker was just doing her job.. protecting the kids from a potential stranger. I donāt think it was entirely race related. Iām sure she wouldāve checked with anyone claiming to be so and soās parent that she didnāt know.
NTA. She doesn’t get to complain on your behalf without your say so. She’s TA.
i dont think that this was racism – but i am from europe – i dont watch the world to this glasses as you ā¦
my opinion is clear NTA
Oh my gosh your girlfriend
did a terrible mis-service to this young lady. I hope that your statement to the manager exhonerated her.
Privately you could and probably tell your girlfriend that you appreciate her wanting to look out for you but you really were not offended and in the future you would prefer that you make your own complaint.
You were not wrong.
White women getting offended and morally outraged over harm done to others. Ain’t that about white.
Absolutely NTA. The worker was making sure your child was safe. It had nothing to do with race. As a black man, Iām sure you are quite accustomed to racist morons, and from what you posted the worker was being cautious because you hadnāt done pick up with her yet.
Patronizing someone by being offended for them says they don’t think you could handle it by yourself; that you needed the Great White Saviour to step in and “help” you. You being so weak, stupid, and helpless and all. (Sarcasm)
NTA. If you weren’t offended by it, your white GF sure as heck shouldnt be.
NTA. They are assuming that the young woman only questioned you because you are black. But she could also be doing so because she didn’t recognize you. You yourself say there were a lot of new people who didn’t know you. So tell yr GF there’s actually no proof you were being “racially profiled.”
She sounds like she’s trying to be a white knight savior. And she really shouldn’t have filed a complaint w/o telling you in advance.
I think your gf probably heard the moms side of things from the daycare and thought you may have been downplaying the treatment and wanting to stand up for you. Iām mixed myself and I see a lot of people letting things slide when they should be speaking up so Iād go easy on her and just know she loves you and wants what is best for your whole family.. that being said by said she should see her wrong doing there and hear you out.
So an employee that doesn’t know you verified that you were actually authorized to take a child from her care?
Like I’m white as snow and she’d just be like “Oh, here’s a kid? Oh, not this one? Go ahead and pick some other kid?” No. She’s ask for ID and verification that I was who she said I was.
That’s not about race, it’s about not helping someone kidnap a child.
No!!!! That woman did exactly what she was supposed to. NTA She needs to take the complaint back.
IMHO YNTA, it wasn’t even about race until your gf made it about race. It’s pretty standard to ask for ID rather than just hand a child to a potential stranger. If anything, your gf is the asshole for making it about race in the first place.
NTA. Why is it always a virtue signalling white woman smh. She should be embarrassed. Please show her these comments so she knows how ridiculous she is being. It isn’t her job to police what is or isn’t racist towards you. She should care more first about your feelings on perceived micro aggressions. Instead, she made it all about herself and her little mission to punish someone just doing her job.
White savior complex. You need to put a stop to it immediately. She is infantilizing you.
NTA
NTA.
But the solution is pretty simple. Just call and tell your side of the story so this person trapped in the middle can be absolved rather than waiting for a moral grandstand between you and your girlfriend to fall into place.
NTA. Iām a white mom of multiracial kids. I have had a childcare offer me a white kid that was not mine because they were the only one that matched. Not good.
Wow so all the white women are crying racismā¦.on your behalfā¦do they all realise how messed up that is & potentially ruining someoneās career over the fact she didnāt just hand over your child to a guy she had never met until it was verified it was your kid, she would have needed the same proof if you were white!
Your girlfriend is being perforative with the call that this is racism. If you had been a white man she wouldāve IDād you cause she hadnāt seen you before. Your girlfriend is a white woman with a mix raced kid and black boyfriend, I get she wants to ensure you both donāt feel racist remarks but honestly this is reaching. If I were you Iād call the school and explain your point of view cause again theyāre only taking white view points: girlfriends, other mom, staff person. Thatās why itās performative. Also, your girlfriend should read a bit more about racism before exploding like this cause it will impact your child in the future.
NTA. This is how woke fatigue starts.
NTA, I worked in daycares and after school programs and our rule was if it’s a parent or somebody we didn’t know at pick up we had to ask for ID to verify they are the person they say they are. I don’t know if the creche/daycare has this policy but it’s one that the policy that all of mine had. Maybe ask them if it could be clearer that they will check IDs if it’s a new person to them doing pick up.
The girl was just making sure so she didn’t give a child to a random person, she was doing her job in making sure your kid was going to the correct person.
NTA. Nothing worse than people getting offended on other peopleās behalf. Causes trouble every time.
NTA I think it’s called “white savior complex”. You’re a grown man and can fight your own battles. She should not get upset on your behalf when she wasn’t even there.
NTA they absolutely should be able to check and verify id.
I actually don’t believe this because I’ve never been to a school or childcare situation where young children can be released to an unverified person. When my kids went to summer camp, the counselors had to check ID every day. And the only reason you don’t have to show ID at a regular daycare is because the caregivers recognize you. Is it not standard policy where you are for ID to be verified when handing over a child? I can’t imagine that an employee would be “investigated” for following policy and common sense.
NTA. You should request your wife to formally withdraw the complaint, and to apologize to the worker. I hope the lesson she takes from this is to check in with you in situations that involve you.
Also, please do not joke about paternity. It makes people uncomfortable.
One would hope that all parents not known to a worker are expected to show identification. Iām white and have shown id for my white and non-white kids.
In this one case, I would hope it wasnāt racial profiling, but good safety procedures.
Your girlfriend should save her racial justice inclinations for situations that merit them. Sadly, ones that merit outrage are likely to appear in your future with how racist the world can actually be.
If you were content with how the employee behaved, I would strongly recommend going to the administration and telling them you thought the worker did a good job. You did not feel racially profiled. You strongly feel that all parents not known to a worker should be required to show identification.
My husband and I are both white. When the kids are with him, you can tell they are his. If he hasn’t been to pickup in a while or there is someone new, they ask for ID. I’d be more concerned about your girlfriend turning a non racial issue into one. That just feels…well, racist.
This is why public schools in my area ID everyone when they go inside to do anything, especially picking up a kid – regardless of whether theyāre known or not.
I think the company ought to make it policy to ID everyone who is going to pick up a child. It would increase security and reduce stupidity.
NTA. I personally hate it when white people do the whole āWhite Saviorā bit and have to whitesplain to us how we have just been the victim of racism and we must need their help. ššššššššš I want to scream at them sometimes – āYou donāt get to be offended on my behalf if I am not offended! Go pound fucking sand!ā
What the heck is going on here?!?!? That wasnāt racism. That was due diligence. The worker had not met you yet. Checking ID is A GOOD THING, especially after no one was nearby who worked there and could verify your identity.
Oh, and by the way, Iām not white.
You were there. You need to withdraw the complaint on behalf of your girlfriend. She has no right to file a complaint based on hearsay either.
That worker did the right thing.
She didnāt recognise you. She asked for confirmation of who you were. That should be standard policy otherwise kids would be getting kidnapped left right and centre out of daycare.
NTA and I hope that if you’re asked for your version of events you reiterate that you were grateful that they took such care.
It doesn’t matter what colour you are, if you aren’t the usual pick up rhe same questions would apply.
Your girlfriend complaining listened to those other Mum’s who could have exaggerated the situation.
I hope the investigation proves their protocols work well.
NTA. Iām white, same with my husband, kids and admittedly everyone at their school. Iāve been asked for ID by a substitute before, Iāve also seen parents that donāt do pick-ups get asked too. My own mom and sister have been asked before despite being on the pickup list.
Iād rather them ask any day than not š¤·āāļø
No one is an asshole here. Everyone acted in what they believed to be good faith. That said, your girlfriend should withdraw the complaint if you ask her to. Not doing so would make her an ah.
Edit: Just want to add that your girlfriend was acting on the story she got from a third party, so who knows what she was told. The other mom may have exaggerated the story to her and made it seem a lot worse or more embarrassing than it was.
Nta.
My little brother (almost 20 year age gap) was in a Montessori daycare and they just let anyone walk in and pick the kids up. To the point I told my parents they needed to say something, as it was crazy. We did more checks at my school district I was driving buses for with our parents that we knew.
I’d rather they be over the top careful to protect everyone, then just hand kids out like their candy. Plus you never know why someone may not be allowed to pick a child up, if they’re not on the approved list for pick up, I want to know.
Hereās my take as a mixed person (not mixed w black but an ethnicity that also gets racially profiled)
Your gf is doing some white savior bs. Whichā¦means she knows racism is wrong and an issue but still centers herself. āLook at me, a good white woman protecting my mixed familyā
But if she really cared about racism and her family experiencing it she would fall back on someone who actually dealt with it first handā¦someone like YOU.
People are pretty racially illiterate and they either think everything this racism or nothing is racism. Sounds like your gf is in the first.
Iād frame the discussion from a different angle. Thank her for wanting to ensure your family unit is protected from racism and then firmly explain that if she wants to do so successfully, she will actually need LISTEN to people who experience racism.
NTA. I donāt think this was about race at all. You were coming to pick up a child from daycare. The staff are not familiar with you because you usually are not the one to do the pickup. I would be happier that they cared enough to check ID and ensure that the child was being picked up by someone who is authorized to pick up the child. Their #1 job is to make sure the children in their care are safe. If they arenāt familiar with a parent, then they should be checking, even if it is āinconvenientā. Your gf made this a race issue when it really wasnāt. It was a safety issue and the daycare worker did the proper checks.
NTA. Reach out to the facility and share your perspective. I’m sure that would be helpful to the childcare worker. Your gf I’m sure has the beat intentions, but wasnt there and is misreading things. Seems like both parties are being vigilant, which is better than the alternative lol.
This is pretty standard procedure for pickup if you donāt know the person picking up. You check ID and then see if theyāre on the pickup list.
I dont even know why the teacher would be under investigation for this.
NTA
Your gf is 1000% WRONG.
The Person who asked to see your ID , and questioned you was 1000% RIGHT . If someone comes to pick up the child and you have not seen them you ask the questions that she did.
She’s just doing her job with an unknown parent. I would expect her to do the same with a parent she’s never met.
NTAH
I think the gossip gang went into overdrive and it’s more than likely the case that some of those who witnessed the exchange have embellished parts of it and made inferences because of the questions. You are well within your rights as both parent and person to approach the owners or managers and request a meeting with them and explain what happened and request that the allegation be dropped and the staff member be recognised for ensuring your childs safety.
You can imagine how the Mum’s with a vested interest for drama are making it worse for the woman and effectively ruining the woman’s reputation and by association her future career all because a couple of questions were misinterpreted by people who had no business being involved in the first place.
Your girlfriend won’t be impressed but if you feel it’s the right thing to do, that’s the main thing. So when she challenges you and asks why you didn’t speak to her first, you have the opportunity to point out that a complaint regarding you wasn’t discussed either.
NTA.
Call the manager back and emphasize that you did not feel her behavior was racist. Tell them you want entered into the record that you are happy that she followed protocol and made sure you were authorized to pick up your child and that you prefer they continue to err on the side of your child’s safety.
After you pass the message, share it with your girlfriend. She may feel like she was defending you, but she lost track of what was really important, the safety of your child.
NTA and as another white woman, your gf needs to learn to follow your lead and not center herself. There are many books, podcasts, etc., for her to learn this.
I lean NAH.
The question for me is what would have happened if you were white? Would they have still carded you to identify you?
School’s Perspective: IDing unknown adults picking up children is 100% the correct policy. So I think the teacher did the right thing, but if this is not the policy or they don’t do it all the time that’s an issue. The fact that there was an investigation makes me think that they may not be all that diligent about it, but then again, they could just be taking the allegation very seriously which would also be good.
Your Perspective: I 100% understand your frustration, and if you feel there was no issue then you are 100% right to force your GF to pull the complaint and apologize. Regardless of who makes the complaint you’re the one that’s going to feel the most impact from it. It will create a tension on your relationship with the school and the teacher, so if you feel it isn’t warranted then the complaint shouldn’t have been made.
Girlfriends Perspective: If anyone’s the asshole here its her, but I can also have some sympathy for her position. It sounds like she got it wrong, but she was standing of for you and for her child. It’s a difficult needle to thread sometimes as white person, to be supportive and helpful without causing additional problems. Knowing when to confront an issue out of something and when to let it go can be difficult.
All that said, It sounds like she made a mistake here, but also understand it sounds like she was trying to do the right thing.
You are not the asshole for being bothered by another’s attempt to decide on your behalf when you should be offended.
Wtf? Iām a dark brown middle eastern woman and my eldest and youngest are white like reflex paper, my middle child is the only one dark like me. My youngest childās dad is actually white too so he has blonde curls when he was a baby. I never thought twice about people looking, Iād actually laugh and say it looks like I stole the kid! Youāre nta. Her deciding on your behalf what is racist and what isnāt is really messed up
NTA please make it clear to the management that you dont agree with your wife or her idiot friends and you know the worker was just doing her job.
As a white woman with a black son in law I absolutely get why your wife was offended on your behalf but in this situation shes just plain wrong.
Shit I even got I’D’d picking up my eldest back in the day many years ago now lol (eldest blond, blue eyes looks just like their dad, I’m brunette brown eyes and look nothing alike) if in doubt you double check!
Basic safety with children.
I am a black female with 3 half white babies. I’ve experienced this myself. We know the difference between being treated poorly and someone doing their job. You’re NTA. Not everything is racist.
NTA but your girlfriend is kinda. She needs to withdraw her complaint especially since she was not there to even witness it.
NTA and itās really cool of you to be reasonable and request the complaint be withdrawn. She was doing her best to protect your kiddo. Your GF is probably just overprotective of you, hopefully she can see your point of view.
Here is another take. I went to pick up my daughter from daycare and found her playing in the parking lot, unsupervised, with a kiddo from her class and this random kiddo’s mom. I did not know the kiddo or the mom, and they CERTAINLY didn’t know my family.
When I approached, she told me the girls were having so much fun that day and wanted to keep playing.
I went in to find the “director” scrolling on her phone. When I asked to sign my daughter out, she said, “oh, I think your wife already picked her up?”
And, that was the precise moment I blew my f*cringe lid. I’m pretty sure everyone in the building and the building next door heard me tell her exactly how I felt.
Absolutely, positively, 100%, not the asshole. The care provider should be applauded.
In retrospect, I could have handled it better, but the bear came out of me that day!
White guy here, and also a former daycare worker. I hate it when white people try to “white knight” other groups and “be offended on their behalf!” I think it infantilizes other groups and acts like they don’t know how to recognize racism. If OP felt like he was being discriminated against, he was more than capable of doing that, but he said he didn’t, so why did others take it upon themselves to file the claim? Even if the complaint was filed by other black people who thought it might be discrimination, the event didn’t happen to them, so it is not their place. If OP wanted to file the claim, and they wanted to add to it as witnesses at his behest, that’s another matter altogether!
Also, as a former daycare worker, you have to be careful with other people’s kids, especially if you’re new and don’t know them. It’s like if you never met the father because he just got back from military deployment and looks exactly like his son that he is picking up, you still need to see ID and compare it to the pick-up list. Failure to do that can be catastrophic if they are being picked up by an unapproved party and the kid gets kidnapped or murdered or something. Getting fired would be the least of the daycare worker’s concerns!
Absolutely NTA. This isn’t racial profiling, it’s making sure a child isn’t being handed off to a stranger. If you were white and she didn’t recognise you, she would (hopefully) ask for ID then too. people absolutely shouldn’t be punished for this. It seems the girl was already kinda flustered by the situation and was worried that she might’ve offended you, but she did nothing wrong. I just hope this doesn’t make her less inclined to ask for ID the next time she’s not sure.
If your gf was concerned about your treatment, she should’ve discussed it with you first to see how you felt about it.
Nta. This is how my kids daycare acts for every parent they don’t recognize. My kids are the spitting image of me, they literally stole my face but their dad does pick up and drop off most of the time. the one time I went to go get them they made me go through a whole bunch of loops to verify who I was. And I would rather they do that than hand my kid off to someone they don’t know.
Manager is scared of alleged racism. You son was safe so all good. Yeah, Iād be annoyed if my wife went behind my back, especially if I asked her not to. Call the manager and let her know only two people were involved and no one feels it was racism. That should end it.
The only person who can complain in this situation is you. You felt it was a child safety issue not a race issue and your girlfriend should have respected that. Im a gay man and have had people complain on my behalf, and I’m then put into the awkward position of saying I wasn’t offended and it wasn’t homophobic.
I’m assuming you are in the approved pickup list, which just means prove you are who you say you are and then you can pick the child up. Seems pretty normal to me if I’m being honest.
Did she ask to see your license and you showed her that and the picture or did you just show her a picture at first then your license? Iām asking because the mothers might have thought she was asking you for extra things to verify your identity and your relationship with your son due to your race and maybe your gf feels the same way. Not saying that theyre right and didnāt misinterpret it; Iām just wondering because it seems like your gf reported it before talking to you (which I donāt think is a bad thing) and believes sheās showing her family (most importantly her son) that sheās not going to be oblivious or rug sweep racial inequalities you guys face (as he might get darker or his features become prominent with age or just getting treated differently because his dad is black). I donāt fully understand why youāre annoyed with her though. Is it because she doesnāt want to withdraw the complaint or because she made one in the first place?
When I owned a daycare, it was a licensing requirement to take the photo ID of every new person that was picking a kid up. Even if youād been there before, if it was a new employee handing over your kid, youād have to show them ID. The first time grandma picked up, photo ID.
In my country, this worker did standard procedure.
You ask for ID before allowing a child to walk off with an adult. That adult is still a stranger to the worker and needs to verify authority wherever it be a step parent, an uncle, a grandparent, or the actual parent.
My son had the same. I had 6 adults on my son’s list.
And yes, mixed raced person here.
What this worker did had nothing to do with race and everything to do with protecting a child.
NTA. But girlfriend filing a complaint was.
NTA
Your wife is virtue signaling hardcore here and is entirely in the wrong. Iād rather a daycare card me everyday than they not card someone and that person leave with my child. Itās clear your wife doesnāt understand how safety and security at daycares works and sheās trying to ruin someoneās life over it
She’s being silly for sure. Everything was done as it should be. In my school whether we know them or not, parents get id checked and scanned in. My guess would be the gaggle of SJW women planted the seed and she can’t let go of it. Kudos to the staff and you, sir
Your girlfriend is the AH. The worker didnāt know you so she did her job. You are NTA.
White Knighting at its finest.
Its interesting that she gets to decide how you feel about racism.
She was just doing her job. NTA
NTA. If you really want to push this home for your GF, get a few of the husbands who normally dont do pick ups to go try it, if they gt asked for ID too the that would really show your GF that this is how its done. She claims she’s doing what’s best, but I dont see how. If it was my child, I would want that level of caution. Im Native American, I know what racism looks like. This aint it.
Thatās not being racistā¦. Thatās a worker protecting your son.
NTA
You have every right to be annoyed.
NTA.
The employee had never met you, and you are supposed to show ID on pick up so that they can make sure your name matches the files.
Unless you are the one who does it so often that they know who you are.
This was just doing her due diligence for the safety of the child.
NTA butā¦.
While the caregiver did the right thing requiring ID to verify you, the nuance is that she wouldnāt have still been suspicious if your skin had matched your daughterās. Iām sure the caregiver isnāt overtly racist, but she still has a bias that could use some education. I appreciate you donāt want to make waves, but as a WOC with a daughter who passes as well, Iāve had double looks and have had to produce ID at her school when Iāve seen other parents not have to do the same and itās definitely a bias. Perhaps make it clear to the leadership that you were not offended and understood she was doing her job asking for ID, but she should also be made aware.
She was just following the required safe-keeping protocol. She didnt know you, she had never met you before. She quite literally was doing her job.