My MIL doesn’t see my kids often but when she does, she makes problems. Last year when I was in Korea, she flipped my daughter’s bed upside down so she could cosleep on an air mattress. Last month, she told my partner to “run her over lol” (me). Last weekend, my partner took my 4 & 6 yos to see her. I told my kids not to let her kiss them on the lips and face. She knows I don’t want her kissing my kids on the face because she gets frequent cold sores and takes Valtrex. At some point, my kids told her I said not to kiss them and she insisted. She told them I was “tricking” them. They both (4 & 6) came home with the same story that they were kissing grandma on the lips and it’s okay because “see, I don’t have anything”. I went to district court and filled out a whole protection order form because this type of brazen willful ignorance is unacceptable to me. I don’t believe it’s sexual but a non custodial grandparent who sees my kids once a year should not be concerned with co sleeping and kissing the way she is. Am I overreacting?
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Was your partner there when the kissing happened? Why didn’t they put a stop to it? Not overreacting. She’s literally going to give them herpes.
Use this as a teachable moment with your kids about consent .. It’ll piss MiL off and your kids will learn a valuable lesson.
When you told your family practice lawyer what MIL was doing, did you go back to court to modify custody?
Has she been served with the protection order? What was her response? What did your partner say?
It’s just so weird 😩 why the insistence of kissing – hugs are amazing, nothing wrong with hugs.
You are underreacting. Someone who blanntely disregards my boundaries for my children would no longer see them. I get the cold sores happen, but if she KNOWS she has them, she shouldn’t be kissing your kids at all.
Why did you involve the courts in this?
Is there a reason why you can’t permanently end visits?
Cold sores = herpes. Kissing kids on the lips after being told not to is not “sweet,” it’s reckless.
Calling you “tricky” to your own children is straight-up undermining your parenting.
Co-sleeping, “jokes” about running you over, and now this? That’s a pattern, not a one-off.
Kids should never be pressured to give physical affection. That alone is a huge red flag.
You’re not overreacting. You’re protecting your kids when someone else refuses to.
I mean, I know you don’t want to traumatize your kids… but find some very mild pics of oral herpes on Google and show them. Show them what their “loving” grandma is willing to infect them with because of her selfishness.
And also, your husband effing sucks.
I recently read a post where dear loving grandma refused to listen, kissed the baby on the head with an active cold sore and now the baby is infected for life. This is no joke. There is no room for discussion or compromise.
My kids would never be in her presence without me there to protect them from her.
Your husband’s behavior is inexcusable.
You are not overreacting at all. Find a process server tonight, sort that out, and tell your husband she will be served tomorrow due to his inaction and her bizarre, dangerous behaviour.
Good job, Mama Bear.
If anything, you are underreacting. Show DH pictures of babies/kids in ICU because Grandma insisted on kissing them. Those are the ones who survive, a few don’t. Ask yourself and him what will you do if she gets your baby very sick?? It’s so not worth it
This is literally a life and death situation. Please take appropriate precautions. She should never see your child again.
No no and No! It leads to other things
nope. not only is she deliberately teaching the kids the opposite of what they need to know for their health, not only is she telling them that you’re a liar when you tell them the truth about their health, she is also teaching them that some people get to talk others into accepting physical contact they’re not okay with. this is exactly how rape culture becomes part of a person’s life from early childhood. i grew up being manhandled by pretty much anyone in my church and extended family who felt like grabbing me – so why would i believe anyone who told me i had the right to say no?
teach the kids to block an unwanted kiss with their hands at the last second. it’s a silly prank, but it teaches self defense. as they get older, please teach them it’s okay to react with anger and force when someone tries this stuff. it would have changed my life, and i want better for your kids.
She would never see my kids again. Not only is she disregarding your wishes for your children and exposing them to oral herpes (WTAF?), she’s teaching them to accept unwanted contact from adults and that’s a HARD no and leads to other problems. IMO your reaction is appropriate and almost tame compared to how I’d blow her hair back 🙃