the other day me and my boyfriend were talking on the phone and he told me about his friend’s (23m) relationship and asked for my opinion because he wanted to know the female pov. so basically he tells me his friend was dating a girl(19) who did not share his religion and he really wanted her to have the same beliefs as his so she decided to convert for him and practice his religion. eventually her family decided to disown her and it has caused her a lot of issues and problems. around the time she converted they were still in a long distance relationship. later on they end up meeting and they spend 2 weeks together and after those 2 weeks he decides that he does not have feelings for her and proceeds to break up with her. 2 days after the breakup he talks to my boyfriend and tells him that he regrets it and he thinks that he loves her still (emphasize on “thinks”). so this is when my boyfriend comes and asks for my opinion and i tried to neutral with my answer so i said to him that i think he shouldn’t because he already decided that he doesn’t love her and he would be wasting the girl’s time and his. then i say that if he’s a good person then he should leave her alone because he has already caused her enough trouble in her life and decided to throw her away after spending 2 weeks with her having fun. then my boyfriend tells me that he thinks his friend should get back with her just because the girl is pretty and nice and she actually loves him. so i tell him that is unfair though he’s taking advantage of the girl and that you don’t just love a person because they’re attractive and he goes on to tell me that i’m such a feminist and i don’t have to make everything about feminism and that i’m not being realistic and that i don’t know the girl for me to be on her side and he said something like “you watch way too many woman empowerment videos” so i tell him this has nothing to do with feminism and if the roles were reversed (like if it was my friend telling me that she was doing this to a person) i would definitely tell her to leave that person alone because she’s caused them enough damage and hurt in their lives and i would lose all respect for said friend because you’re not supposed to toy with people’s feelings/life etc regardless of their gender. and that i’m speaking from the goodness in my heart and that’s just normal human decency and all my beliefs are built on a solid foundation i’m not an idiot and i am feminist and that is something that i will always be proud of but it has absolutely nothing to do with this conversation. he seemed very biased towards his friend which i did not like at all and not mention him lashing out on me calling me a feminist for absolutely no reason so now im contemplating ending the relationship because of his way of thinking. ( for context when i asked if the girl that his friend was dating did anything wrong before he told she was an absolute sweetheart and a very kind person)
I (21F) have been dating my boyfriend (21m) for a year and he mistook my human decency for feminism. AITA for wanting to end this relationship?
r/AITAH
Comments
Did this happen?
about his friend
its insane how he felt bored after she literally got disowned by her parents for HIM💀💀
NTA. Dump the guy. You don’t need him nor his friend in your life (and hopefully they stay out of everybody else’s life too). The friend was already a shit person for wanting and kinda pressuring someone into changing themselves, and then to treat and talk about this girl as an accessory… that’s just pathetic. These both guys deserve nothing but a lonely life.
You were being a decent person considering everyone’s feelings and opinions. It had nothing to do with the genders of any of the people involved
The best advice I have as a middle age woman is make men are optional in your life. Don’t ever be afraid to walk away from a man who tells you who they are. This man is one of those men. Dump your too young to stay with a man like this.
NTA Doesn’t sound like he respects your values at all and that you have a fundamental incompatibility
Just by title I can tell your a femenist leave him and do him a favor.
Do you think there is something wrong with wanting men and women to be treated equally? (Aka feminism)
Men who wield “feminist” as an insult are misogynists who aren’t worth your time.
NTA, dump your boyfriend. Him and his friend are crappy people
NTA – Your bf sounds like a foolish person.
NTA. What about your explanation was feminist in any way?
The fact that only her looks is the only shallow reason he should get back together with her and not because she changed a BIG part of her personality and life (converted her religion) isn’t the main reason they should get back together (I’m definitely not saying they should) is worse.
If roles were reversed, I would say the same thing. The guy converted their religion to be with the girl and then got dumped soon after and also got disowned by family. The girl who dumped the guy should just leave the person alone and shouldn’t get back together with them based on looks.
Your bf and his friend sound like terrible people. Seems they only care about looks and not actual personality
NTA. The problem is feminism is just about being a decent human. It’s about recognizing that men and women are all humans and deserve the rights and respect that humans deserve.
The fact that he immediately jumps to you being a feminist to discredit your completely valid and understandable opinion on his POS friend… well, birds of a feather flock together after all. I would definitely think about exiting this relationship if I was you.
Feminism is a form of decency
NTAH at all! These guys are young and think this way?! Good God run! By the way, Feminist applies to women and men but most men are to shallow to understand that. The philosophy behind it applies to the equity and good of both genders and all peoples. They clearly are lacking in basic human decency genes and have a lot of growing to do if they are ever open to or able to do it. You are far wiser and know yourself. You deserve a much more developed, wise man who knows himself and has the same good heart 💜
Just ghost him he’s not worth explaining anything to him it would be like treating a schnauzer trigonometry you can tell them all about it but they can’t even see the text book.
Your boyfriend and his friend deserve each other. Absolutely in no way are you the asshole.
I think he just told you how he views you as a person, youre just “a pretty face that loves him”. Take that pretty face somewhere where YOU wll be loved
Hey kids! The word of the day is…
Paragraph!
A paragraph is a way to format your post so that it shows a cohesive flow, and structure throughout. More importantly, though, they make reading way easier, so your audience isn’t assaulted by an unending wall of text.
Remember kids, a paragraph a day keeps the TL;DR away!
Meh the girl has just as much right to get fucked over as the guy has to fuck her over. This is her decision ultimately and your bf was silly to ask for your opinion on a matter that involves his friend and the girl his friend is trying to fuck.
NTA. You’re on the right track girl dump his red pill ass. You don’t need that energy in your life. He is 100% why men are so horrid, they encourage each other’s terrible behavior and lash out when an ounce of consequence or accountability comes their way.
Leave him and let another male fall into the epidemic he so deserves
NTA definitely end the relationship. There’s so much to unpack there. Asks your opinion, immediately gets mad when said opinion doesn’t align with his. Then calls you a feminist like it’s a bad thing….
“Oh you don’t think it’s fair for my buddy to keep stringing along someone he randomly decided he only maybe “loves” after causing her home life issues then getting bored and tossing her aside after a couple of weeks?!?! How dare you, man hater!”
Honestly I’m surprised he didn’t flat out call you a Feminazi.
Welcome to the world of Men Who Protect Men.
He’s defending his friend simply because he’s a man. That’s why he’s accusing you of doing the same thing.
Paragraphs. Learn about paragraphs.
NTA but does he dismiss you often that easily??
Yeah, you’re NTA but your boyfriend definitely is. A man who doesn’t like feminists in 2025 is about 1 mm away from becoming Andrew Tate. It sounds as though he’s probably misbehaving in some way towards you, too, and testing your potential reaction to that by using this story, as in, how much should a girl (not woman in his eyes) put up with to show she’s a good girlfriend. Cut your losses and find a better companion, like, one who could be your equal in ethics for starters.
Both of those boys are idiots. They don’t deserve either one of you ladies. There are better men out there, find one.
Does he always want you to just agree with him and not actually have an opinion? Dump him.
WTF is “female empowerment” about not wanting one person to emotionally manipulate another? You don’t need to know them to know it’s not a good situation, and the person manipulating the other is not a good person. But yeah, make it about boys v. girls.
NTA, dump him.
NTA
If he’s cool with his friend acting that way, he wouldn’t have a problem doing it himself. Not a good person, not a good partner.
Also an idiot, but that’s not always a deal breaker.
Your boyfriend sounds horrible
You are 100 in the right. If your BF cannot hear your side of this, dump his sorry ass.
Is this someone you want to be chasing for the absolute minimum child support payment they can get away with in the future, ‘cos you know that’s what’s gonna eventually happen.
NTA, he sounds…stupid, frankly. “Too many women empowerment videos”, what a tool.
Ohh no not only is your boyfriend a misogynist he’s a fucking moron as well! Girl leave him before he gets you pregnant or worse
I don’t understand why being called a feminist is a bad thing? I am one, always have been, and will leave this world as one. Putting up with bad behavior from another person is not good for anyone. Your bf is wrong to support his friend’s behavior and then try to belittle you for pointing out the bad behavior. I see RED FLAGS a flying everywhere. It may be time to move on and find a guy who shares your values.
This little boy made it clear he looks down on women, yourself included.
This is fake cmon
My ex used to tell me I watched too much Oprah. It gave me ideas. Like I’m not smart enough to think my own thoughts. NTA
Oh, but it IS feminism: that the boyfriend SHOULD consider his girlfriend’s feelings, that her time has any value for him to discredit, that male love is more than just physical attraction.
You may be more conservative as a young person, but believing women are people=feminism.
NTA
NTA. Nothing you said had anything to do with feminism. You’re dating a shallow shell of a boy and his friend completely screwed the other girl over with the religion thing, then dumped her. They both suck.
NTA. He’s a misogynist. side note please learn how to use commas and punctuation properly because holy hell i had a hard time reading this (i’m dyslexic)
Only the AH if you stay with him.
Why are you with a man who doesn’t respect women? You can do better. He’s clueless.
Your boyfriend is a misogynist that’s why he thinks calling you a feminist is an insult. This isn’t a case of him blindly defending his friend. This is his mask slipping and him being pissed you didn’t agree with him. Take a good hard look at who he really is without the rose colored glasses. NTA
Tried parsgraphs?
Your boyfriend sounds self-centered and immature, and you are too young to waste your time with that.
You can dump anybody for any reason, it doesn’t even have to be a “good” reason. But this is a good reason to dump someone. NTA
These men aren’t lonely enough.
If it was me, I would start to wonder if that was how he felt about me.
NTA
People always show who they really are, all you have to do it wait and pay attention
Your boyfriend thinks women aren’t deserving of equal respect for their time and energy. He is only thinking about what his friend wants, how the girl is nice and likes him, not whether the friend is good for her. You already know that though, as you told him that the girl has needs too, and is worth more than how attractive she is to the friend. So my question is, why are you dating a man who thinks women aren’t deserving of the same kind of respect and dignity that he is entitled to? Why be with a man who is content with the idea that women exist to please men and not as their own people, people who just happen to be women?
I really wished you used paragraphs and punctuation.
The answer is also no to “AITAH for wanting to end a relationship.” But in this case you two are clearly not compatible. If you’re proud to be a feminist then you’re inherently incompatible with people who scoff at feminism, especially with such a grand oversimplification and generalization of the situation. Find someone who respects feminism and keeps better company
NTA, as a man I can tell this dude probably watches tons of red pill and manosphere podcasts. Good you saw his true colors early. Ironic since he said you watch woman empowerment videos. Time to move on. Easiest W of your life.
Girl use a period
NTA
Your boyfriend just told you exactly who he is, what he fundamentally thinks of you. Believe him.
You can do way better.
You seem way too emotionally intelligent to be with this person
“i don’t have to make everything about feminism and that i’m not being realistic and that i don’t know the girl for me to be on her side”
And yet SO MANY men will be on the side of a man in a conflict—even if he’s a creeper or abuser—simply because he’s a man.
NTA, I wouldn’t want to hang around with someone who would side with his buddy over human decency, and who has that opinion of what a romance should be
NTA.
You gave good general advice.
No man or woman should be toying with people like that.
Just because someone is pretty, nice and likes you, doesn’t mean it’s a good reason to seriously date them.
YTA for vomiting this unbroken wall of text in here.
Paragraphs. Fucking paragraphs.
Sadly alot of folks out there don’t care bout the inner who they are as a person. They are just enjoying being with a “pretty” woman and the benefit of such while “tolerating” your views and feelings to get their goal. I’m sorry you had to experience this. Get out while you can.
I think you made a typo, you mean your ex-boyfriend right?
Why did he ask your opinion if he was just going to use it as an excuse to insult you? Dump him. NTA.
Feminist isn’t an insult. The fact that he’s not a feminist is enough reason to dump him. Because every normal, intelligent, person should be a feminist unless they’re a misogynist.
And I feel really sorry for this girl. He makes her change her religion for him before they’d even met? What an utter POS.
Note. I am a feminist.
And nothing what so ever about you response says anything about feminism. It literally, like you said, be a decent person.
The girl converted religion for a boyfriend? And then he dumped her? Wow.
I just can’t get past this girl converting religions over a long distance before she’s spent any real time with the person.
His friend shouldn’t be with her because she’s mentally incompetent.
Paragraphs
Your BF is almost as big a dick as you are as bad with your grammar. Spend less time worrying about your relationship and other people and more time learning punctuation and complete sentences / avoiding run-ons. This was painful to read
NTA.
a) Your boyfriend thinks it’s fine that men only are interested in women for their attractiveness because he feels the same way.
b) I mean, it makes sense for ‘basic human decency’ to be mistaken for feminism because feminism is an inherent component of basic human decency since it is literally the belief that women are equal human beings and must be treated as such.
c) Being called a feminist is not an insult. That he thinks it is an insult is a very clear indication that he thinks that women are not equal and should not be equal.
He thinks being a feminist is a bad thing… do you want to date an overt sexist? NTA unless you stay, leave his ass and find someone with depth.
He’s just told you he’s shallow af and only cares about looks. So to him, you and all women are one-dimensional creatures whose only job is to be pretty and take care of the men. 🤮 you deserve so much better.
He’s taking this personally because he thinks just like his friend does. It’s all about their wants and needs from their partner while having no regard for them as people. I’m so glad that you’re taking this for what it is and I agree that you should break up with him. He’s just going to get better at hiding it. NTA
To break up over a small disagreement and a fight is silly.
“Maybe he shouldn’t use her”
“What kind of feminist bullshit is that?”
NTA
NTA. I’d dump him. If he’s okay with his friend stringing someone along, he’s probably okay with stringing someone along himself. The fact he used the word feminist as an insult is a whole other, not cool issue.