I’ve always had anxiety and my mental health has had its ups and downs over my life, but this year it has gotten super bad.
Last year I self harmed properly for the first time and it happened a few times after that. My boyfriend saw and was immediately concerned and wanted to help me. I started getting better and felt like things were going back on track in my brain.
Then this year I started feeling super anxious again. I thought it was being caused by my birth control, so I got it removed (implanon) and afterwards I felt good and I thought that was it. A couple of weeks later I fell back into this depressive episode and I haven’t been able to get out.
I don’t want my relationship to end because of my poor mental health, but I don’t know how to get better. I’m seeing a professional for help, but I really don’t want to be here anymore at all.
I feel horrible because every time my boyfriend gets mad or frustrated with me I crumble because my mental health is so bad at the moment, but I don’t know how to talk to him about it. Last time I brought up wanting to end it, he told me to work out more to clear my head and that was about it.
Last night I really needed him, but he was mad at me, and I didn’t want him to feel like I was feeling suicidal because of what he said. I don’t want him to feel burdened with my issues, but I also want to feel supported by him.
I also lost my entire friend group this year, which has definitely contributed, so I really feel like I have no one to turn to.
TL;DR – I’m so worried that my relationship is going to end because of my poor mental health.