Hi Reddit,
I’m a 27F, financially independent (earning ~20 LPA), and recently married my partner of 8 years (28M). Before marriage, we supported each other through everything, but after marriage, things have changed drastically.
His family (from Haryana, I’m from MP) is extremely controlling. They expect me to obey their “rules for a daughter-in-law,” constantly interfere in our choices, and get angry when I set boundaries.
My husband says things like:
At a recent meeting with my parents, his family insulted me for having a job (I earn more than my husband and share expenses equally). They said I should stop “complaining” because every woman does job + in-law care.
They also complained about wedding gifts. My FIL shouted, pointed fingers, and banged the table in front of my parents. This is recorded on our home CCTV.
Whenever I raise concerns, they gaslight me: “Why didn’t you say this?” or “It’s your fault.” Somehow, it always becomes my mistake.
I’m scared of compromising because I know these restrictions will only build up. I don’t want to spend my life being silenced or treated unfairly.
👉 What should I do? Should I involve legal help at this stage or keep trying to resolve things within the marriage? How do I protect my dignity without destroying my relationship?
tl;dr: Married for a few months. In-laws are controlling, insulting, and want me to follow “daughter-in-law rules.” Husband insists I must live with them because I’m a woman. They gaslight me and humiliated my parents. I earn more than my husband but they dismiss my career. Should I seek legal help or try harder to resolve this within the marriage?
Comments
It’s okay to say you made a mistake.
Your husband lacks a spine and it’s okay to want to find a real partner instead of a boy cosplaying as a man.
They will never accept or respect you. This is extend to your children. Choose yourself… no one else will.
If you’re at the ‘leaving’ stage then offer your husband the opportunity to revert to who he was prior to marriage and to move out from the shared house.
can you get an annulment?
I don’t know enough about Indian relationships but what I’ve heard about very traditional/gender unequal families, you could be in danger for standing up and demanding better. If this sounds like it could apply to your marriage and in-laws, yes, I definitely think you should leave, but you should be very cautious and aware of your surroundings. Maybe your work has another location you can transfer to? Make it hard for your ex and his family to find you in the coming months now that you’re out.
But overall yes I absolutely think you need to leave. Your husband tricked you- he was never the man you thought he was, he was always the man he is now, just biding his time. Good luck, OP.
Was any of this discussed before marriage, either with your husband or his parents?
Now that you know what the living situation is going to be like, what reason does your husband give for not wanting to be independent?
Given the choice between moving out on your own and divorce, does he really want to choose divorce?