I (25f) have been dating my boyfriend (37m) for about a year. We met through mutual friends and neither of us have dated with an age gap like this before. But we became friends first, found we had a lot in comon and decided to date. Neither of us want children and we are in similar living/financial situations. We havent noticed any drawbacks of the age difference e.g. a power dynamic and things are going well.
I have met his family several times and they were very welcoming. I have been hesitant to introduce him to my family because my parents were abusive (violence, addiction, neglect, emotional abuse etc). But i recently asked him if he’d like to meet them. He told me that he felt meeting them would be like approving their treatment of me and he doesn’t feel like he wants to out of principle. For context, I have nightmares, anxiety attacks, attend therapy etc as a result of my upbringing. And so he is very aware of the consequences of their behaviour.
I maintain distance from my parents but still see them several times a year for birthdays and christmas. I have explained that this puts me in a difficult position as I have decided to keep my parents in my life. He told me that he understands how I feel and that he’d consider it further. After thinking about it he’s decided not to meet them.
On the one hand i feel completely understand his rational and feel quite touched by how seriously he takes the abuse. On the other hand, I feel this puts me in a very difficult position and affects my ability to engage with my family.
I don’t want to leave the relationship but there’s part of me that feels this makes things too complicated. Is this a situation that I should accept and find a way to navigate, or is it a sign that the relationship won’t last?
Tl;dr: my boyfriend refuses to meet my abusive parents. Can the relationship survive that?