I’ve been seeing this woman. We’ve been dating for about a month. She’s 8 years older than me and moved from the US to the UK 5 months ago.
I had a conversation with her last night. Said I really like spending time with her but I was a bit concerned about timelines and whether we align long term.
We don’t really if I’m honest. The big one is she says she’s pretty confident she doesn’t want kids. I don’t want them immediately. But next 3-5 years yes.
I got some kinda confusing messages. She was very clear what she meant. But she said she had no urgency to commit and felt it was too soon. She said she really likes me and could see this going somewhere. But also was clear she has no urgency on timelines or anything. Said she was aware that I ‘may have more urgency than her’ due to my age. And also said because she’s just moved and also she’s only been single about 4-5 months that it’s a bit strange for her. Said she didn’t expect to meet someone she likes like this.
I’m a bit confused on the whole ‘I really like you and could see this going somewhere’ but also not aligning on the big things.
I think from this it’s fairly obvious she isn’t my forever person. And she’s been very understanding. It’s refreshing how upfront she is. But also I’m now worried.
I really enjoy spending time with her. And she said she doesn’t want to rush into anything serious. But also, how will I ever get serious with someone who isn’t aligned long term.
I feel like I’d like to keep seeing her. But also worry I’ll end up missing my chance at anything else. Considering I’m 29 next month. But also unsure I’m overthinking and if I should just enjoy.
Basically. I feel I need to end it. But I really don’t want to. I’ve had so many disappointments in the last few years. Even girls who I’ve gotten on amazing with and have aligned values have said no because they’re unsure of what they want.
I’m struggling. I feel I have to end it or I could get really hurt. Or worse lose out on an opportunity to have kids and a family. But I really really don’t want to lose this person too
Need some advice. Thanks
Tl;dr met someone but don’t align long term. Unsure how to proceed
Comments
Split up.
You have posted this hundreds of times, and always get the same advice.
Just end it. Don’t waste your time- you know it’s not going anywhere. No sense in getting attached and getting more hurt because it will end eventually. There’s no long game- it’s a dead end. So just end it now so you don’t miss out on a true possible match.
My husband already had kids when we met, and I asked him on our second date if he was open to having more. I had no idea if we would work out or not, and I wasn’t asking him to committ to me then- but I wanted kids and wasn’t willing to give that up. And if he didn’t want more, then there was no point in continuing. Just walk away.
Bro, respectfully, it’s been a month, don’t drag your feet on “what ifs” if you already have found a major incompatibility.
It’s only been a month and you already know this is a dead end situation. You already know what you need to do. It won’t feel good, but if you procrastinate and kick the can down the road it will feel much worse.
I think the answer you’re looking for – the one where you get to keep seeing her but also continue looking for someone who’s actually on the same page in terms of life goals – doesn’t exist.
If you want a relationship that is serious and also includes kids, the vast majority of those women are going to hard-pass on a man who’s still romantically entangled with someone else. And that’s if this current woman is cool with you seeing other people while still dating her, which is a big “if.” You’re going to have to decide what’s more important to you. You can’t have it both ways, and she has been very clear with you on what she is and is not willing to offer. Take her seriously and figure your own shit out.