So back in May, I matched with a girl on Hinge. We talked for a little while, and then out of nowhere she ghosted me on May 24 (I checked the date to be accurate). Honestly, I didn’t take it personally — ghosting happens all the time on dating apps, so I just moved on.
Here’s the twist: she never unfollowed me on social media, and I didn’t unfollow her either. So I’d still see her stories pop up from time to time.
Today, I saw on her story that she recently got married. Out of curiosity, I checked her profile, and it turns out she got married on August 19th. Which means that when she was talking to me on Hinge in May, she was only about three months away from her wedding.
Now I’m torn. Part of me thinks it’s none of my business and I should just ignore it. But another part of me thinks: if I were that guy, I would want to know that the woman I just married was still on dating apps shortly before the wedding.
So, WIBTA if I reached out and told him?
Edit: Thanks you all for all your answer. I can answer you all so I will clarify some things here. First for anyone wondering if she only wanted friend on the app it’s not possible since I only match with people who said on there profile that they want serious thing, not casual or friend.
Second, we never meet or get rly flirty but both their intention and mine were clear in the start we talked about what we wanted on the app and all.
For finish I’m not butthurt or anything, it’s just that I was thinking what I would want to know if I were him.
I don’t think I will get involved since like I think and a lot of you too that it’s none of my business. And I don’t want to make things bad if they are alright.
Comments
NTA – maybe it was a quick courtship? I mean, probably not but this would be a little messy, but I dont think youd be an AH
You found a bot. Congratulations.
NTA. I have no sympathy for disloyal people. He deserves to know who he’s married to. If you have proof send it his way
NTA, I’m personally of the ideal that when it comes to anything infidelity-wise, giving informed consent to the other partner is your best bet. Nothing more or less, just “hey, can I ask when y’all were dating? Not to be weird, just saw something that didn’t add up in my head and kinda wanna ask before I make assumptions”.
He deserves to know
Under normal circumstances you keep silent about your suspicions. But just before the wedding, the guy needs to know before he makes a mistake—or decides that it doesn’t matter to him. He should make the decision to marry in a well informed way.
Saving a guy from a potential cheater would be the opposite of an AH move.
Actively on it, or her profile was still up?? Also, isn’t hinge also for business contacts and making friends??
I would send the proof to the husband anonymously and let the chips fall.
Tell him and if he doesn’t believe you then show him evidence. There’s also a chance they had some open type relationship
You sound butthurt.
I would make sure it was actually her.
Woman get their photos stolen all the time.
You also might want to admit you are into her….lol
I mean you don’t know enough about their relationship to know they were together when you knew her. I mean she added u to her social
Media even so that kind of lends credence to the idea maybe they had a fast courtship.
It seems you’re looking to meddle because of getting ghosted not out of earnest to do whats right because you have no idea if they didn’t just marry fast.
Inserting yourself back in her life and their relationship without that knowledge would be kinda dumb, but I guess u can just ask him how long they’ve been together and if he says longer than in may, then tell him.
Tell him. He deserves to know
Is none of your business, imo. Maybe they were separated for a while, maybe they have a open relationship. I’d stay away.
NTA
I would also want someone to tell me if I were the cuckolded husband.
She may have had a shotgun wedding. Who knows? If she’s still on hinge….
Or you could respond on social media media wow your a quick mover we was only chatting 3 months ago , congratulations 😜
Tell him ASAP
Mind your business
Wow, mind your own business you weirdo.
Yes, you’d be the AH.
This isn’t someone you know, it doesn’t seem like you have a lot of back ground.
you’re just being catty at this point. Move on, stop being butt hurt for getting ghosted.
Block her on social media and stay out of this shit show. Maybe the guy does deserve to know but there’s no proof that she actually cheated and you will be opening up a giant, pain in the ass can of worms – for yourself.
Let him know. SHE would want to know if it was the other way round.
YWBTA
You’re assuming she did something bad, when in fact she ghosted you.
I’ve heard people get cold feet before a wedding, could be she had a moment of doubt or to see what’s out there and downloaded the app to test her resolve. She abandons it, deleted the app, and went on to get married. Does that deserve you (a total stranger) blowing up a new marriage?
Before the tech people would hit a bar (it stays offline) to flirt with someone maybe and then move on to marriage having affirmed they’re truly ready. Just cause we have the tech to see the ever after, doesn’t mean we should use our assumptions (and self righteous indignations) to act on info that’s likely not relevant.
Had you cheated with her then yea, maybe there’s more to tell. But this I wouldn’t.
You would be the asshole and you know it. You were on her socials and didn’t notice she was dating or engaged?
This is a tough one…
On one hand, you don’t know if they were together or engaged at the time. It could be the case that they met in those three months and rushed into a marriage.
On the other hand, if she was cheating this whole time, he has the right to know.
It’s none of your business. You have zero idea how long she and her husband have known each other and sometimes people get married fast.
NOYB
It would do more harm than good to get involved.
I don’t think you’d be the asshole. He deserves to know. Though, there are lots of people with open relationships nowadays. If they’re monogamous, tell him now before they start having kids so he can make a decision. NTA
You know I’m really sorry to say I’m caught between the fact that it isn’t any of your business. You only notice her social comments occasionally. You don’t know if she was engaged or dating the guy when she was talking to you online. From the sounds of it, you never even met her in person. I mean maybe I missed something but it sounds like you talked online and that was it. And I mean for all we know they’d had an argument. They took a break. She chatted with you but couldn’t bring herself to me. They straighten things out and got married. That is a very possible scenario. So is the possibility that she met someone else on the dating site the same time she met you that way only she clicked with them and they decided why. Wait, let’s get married. It’s not impossible.
If one of those things is what happened and since you have a connection on social media. I recommend going back and reading all her posts back months before you met her. Take a look and see what you can pick up from that. If she already knew the guy then we know it wasn’t a rushed marriage and maybe they were just on a break and got back together. But at this point because you had the ability to look more into things, why not? It may give you insight and answers that you don’t have at this point.
No matter what other people think, eventually you have to do what you feel is right in your heart if it means accidentally needing the new hubby somewhere and getting to know him.
For you, it may mean printing out all your interaction with her. Everything you have access to her profile. Anything like that. Bundling it all up finding out who the guy is and dropping it in his lap. If it was a recent meet, she may just have liked him better. If they’d known each other prior and we’re on a break, it may not matter. If she hasn’t been honest with him, he has a right to know. If this was normal in their relationship then you telling him isn’t going to change anything. I feel that you researching as much as you can on the social media may give you the answers And I think more information is what you need. People are right. If it’s cheating he should have a right to no. She’d want to know if he did it. On the other hand, I’m sorry, but from what I read on your thing, it almost sounds like you were chatting online and she ghosted you. It doesn’t sound like you actually met in person and if all’s you did was chat online, what did she do wrong?
He might to be about to buy a house, or have a kid with her. He deserves to know the trash should be taken to the curb.
Probably WBTA. It’s not your place to say anything since you don’t know her well and weren’t actually hooking up with her or in a relationship with her.
For all you know, they met on the dating app, too, she accidentally became pregnant the month after she was talking to you, and they decided to have a shotgun wedding.
Maybe that’s far fetched, but I think that’s my point. You just don’t know.
And lastly, if she was worried about her husband finding out that she was on dating apps only three months before the wedding, she probably wouldn’t still be friends with you or any of the other guys she chatted with on socials. The fact that she hasn’t removed you makes me think it’s not something she’s desperately trying to hide. I mean, the fact that she’s friends with you on socials at all makes me think she wasn’t in a relationship that whole time. Why would she add guys from dating apps to her socials if she already had a boyfriend/fiancé? Doesn’t make much sense.
Maaaaaaybe if they weren’t already married, you could dig a little deeper to see if it made sense to say anything, but they’re married and whatever happens moving forward is up to them.
NTA – if you tell him, but you are the asshole if you don’t
This whole thing about it being none of your business is bullshit. It is your business because she involved you in it.
If I was a guy that just married, and my wife was on a dating app a couple of months before our wedding, I would want to know.
This poor guy is probably gonna be getting cheated on
Wow, the edit sounds like it was written completely by someone else who is NOT the OP.
Back in June I met a couple who got married a month after they met. They’ve been together for 15 years.
Y’all never met in person, hooked up, or even had sexually explicit or flirty conversations. Honestly the fact that you were even considering reaching out to him sounds like your life is boring and you were just looking to stir shit up.
None of your business.
Do you have a screenshot of ot? If so mail it to her and her husband.
One important question that you don’t seem to know the answer to is, what was her relationship status at that time in May? Was she dating the man she eventually married? Or did they start dating afterwards and got married quick? Or were they together, but had temporarily split, so she was testing the waters.
It’s never useful to jump to conclusions about someone’s intent without knowing more of the story. Hell, for all you know he knew she was using dating apps or she was even doing so at his request. You never know what dynamic a couple has or what their kinks are.
Don’t get involved. There’s a lot of assumptions you know nothing about (for example, maybe it was a fast wedding and they eloped, maybe they were on a break during that time, maybe they have an open relationship, maybe maybe maybe…) and it’s not your responsibility. It would be a different story if she hadn’t ghosted you and continued talking to you up til the time she got married. Let it go and say a prayer for her.
You have no clue what their dynamic is.
Youre a complete stranger.
I would stay out of it.
You dont know if they were going through a rough patch and she did it out of spite. Not justifying. Husband could also do shitty things out of spite.
This feels like a lot of energy for someone you never met and your ego seems to be hurting.
Stay out of it
I’m a woman and if I went on a date with a man 3 months before he got married I would most definitely reach out and tell that woman. So why would it be any different for you? Why can’t men have each other’s backs in healthy ways the way girls girls do? Saving someone from a lifetime with a cheater is admirable work sir.
You should tell him.
It is your duty as a man to tell him. If any of the commenters’ scenarios are true, then no harm, he can ignore it and move on
Updateme
Why do you care? Unfollow her social media and move on with your own life.
NTA.
Out the cheater and let her deal with the repercussions.
NTA
If it was you, would you like to know?
Would you want someone to tell you.
and I’m confused as to why the comments think otherwise?
If it’s something the husband is okay with then it, you didn’t do anything wrong and if it’s something the husband isn’t okay with you still didn’t do anything wrong. You would just be relaying on information that he may or may not know and may or may not be appreciative.
If that was me, i would wanna know, regardless on whether or not she decided to meet with you, regardless of what her intentions were, i would want to know
I’d have told him.
I’d like to know if I were him
Why do people feel the need to jump in everyone else’s business? Get even for getting ghosted? Saving the world one cheating human at a time? A little ass-hurt and you are going to jump in two people who you don’t know?
Tell him. You will save his life.
I would 100% tell him. if it were me, I would want to know. this is the lady that supposedly is his wife who is supposed to have his back and he can’t trust her. do it and send the evidence. can’t stand this BS from all
Leave it alone, many people get nervous just before making the step of marriage and do odd things connected to pre marriage habits. Why mess with their possibility of success?
My husband and I met thru a dating app and were married 3 mths from our first contact and yes it was the best decision I ever made. So it is possible she met him after flirting with you.
This happened to me but it was a guy and I did a double take a few times, and I left it be because it’s not someone I even dated just chatted a few times with. He may have found the one and quickly got married. I don’t judge or get involved in others lives.
Why are you still looking her up?
I’d stay out of it. You don’t really know her or him and their circumstances.
When did shd start dating her husband though? I mean its rare that people get hitched within 3 months of meeting but not impossible..
Before you blow up a marriage be 100% sure of your facts
We’re they together ?
Were they on a break and agreed to date other people?
Has someone used her picture to cat fish you?
Tbh most guys I’ve ever dated texted me out of the blue to hang (coincidentally three or four months before they got married!). Everyone gets cold feet. Did I see any of them? No. Am I going to text their wives and ruin their life? No. I don’t wanna be part of their lives. None of my business. I’d leave it alone.
YwBTA. Stay out of it. Best case- you get blocked and don’t hear about it. Worst case, you look like a stalker and they put you on blast, you have some dude chasing you / harassing you / making your life miserable. Who knows what their relationship is / was. And you don’t know her. Maybe she spins it on you. This isn’t your best friend or a family member. And either way, it really does look like you can’t get over her…
Mind your business.
NTA.
Regardless of if you are an asshole or not, dude deserves to know. I’d tell him.
For all the “mind you business” Comments….. it became op’s business when an engaged woman tried to date/hook up with him.
I would want to know
YWNBTA