TL;DR: Been with my girlfriend since 2020, now living together after COVID forced her into my place. She works from home and uses that as an excuse not to shower or wash clothes. Hygiene and cleanliness are terrible—rotting food, clutter everywhere, barely bathes, throws used period underwear on the floor. We haven’t been intimate in over a year, don’t share a bed, and she refuses any grooming while demanding I shave more. She won’t drive, barely contributes, and only cleans when my family visits. I feel like her dad, not her partner, and I’m at my breaking point. Do I try to fix this or end it?
I’ve been in a long-term relationship since 2020. We slowly transitioned into living together during COVID when her job went remote. She kept her own place for a while, but after her landlord sold it, she had to move out. All her belongings are now at my place.
At this point, I feel stuck. While I’m not a neat freak, her hygiene and cleanliness are seriously lacking. She rarely showers—maybe once a week or less—and doesn’t wash her clothes. When I bring it up, she says she works from home and “doesn’t get dirty.” She leaves food out until it rots, and nearly every surface is buried under clothes or clutter. She also throws used, padded period underwear on the bedroom floor.
We haven’t been intimate in over a year, and we don’t sleep in the same bed anymore. She insists on using a heated blanket and won’t let me run a fan because she’s cold. She also won’t let me kiss her if I have even a five o’clock shadow—despite me having a full beard when we met—and demands I shave more often.I was in the military and she literally wants me to shave more than I was when i was still serving. Meanwhile, she refuses to trim her own private areas. It’s killed all attraction; I feel more like her dad than her partner.
She doesn’t help with expenses aside from buying her own groceries and occasionally dinner, a delivery. She blows her money on uber eats. She has a car but won’t drive because she says it’s “scary.” The only time she bothers to clean is when my family visits—and ironically, they love her.
I’m at my limit. I feel like I’m giving everything and getting nothing in return. How do I fix this—or get out if she refuses to change?