Hi everyone, a couple hours ago I made a post about this, but I realized I didn’t explain myself clearly, so here’s a clearer version.
I’m female 23 years old, met a guy recently. On our first date we went to a cafe. Before our second meeting I told him that I will leave the country for a year soon, but he still invited me for a second date.
On the second date, we also went to a cafe, and afterwards he invited me to his place to watch a movie. We ended up lying on the bed, hugging and talking. At one point he tried to kiss me, but I didn’t want to, and he respected that. Later he asked why, and I said: “because this isn’t serious, and probably tomorrow you won’t even text me.”
We kept talking about a lot of things, even our exes. Then he said: “don’t tell me you actually have some emotions towards me?” I admitted yes (I enjoy spending time with him). He looked shocked and said: “Don’t joke.” I said it’s not a joke. He didn’t really respond, but later added: “I’m a good guy, you’re lucky. Another guy would just take advantage of your feelings and lie that he has them too.”
That made me realize he doesn’t feel the same. But then I don’t understand, why did he invite me over, hug me, and try to kiss me if he doesn’t like me?
This is the first guy I’ve met after ending a 5-year relationship, and I’ve never gone to a guy’s place before. Now I feel awkward and keep thinking maybe I shouldn’t have gone at all. Am I overthinking this, or is it normal to feel like I shouldn’t have gone?
TL;DR: Went to a guy’s place on our 2nd date, hugged, didn’t kiss, he looked surprised when I said I liked him, now I feel stupid and awkward
Comments
> why did he invite me over, hug me, and try to kiss me if he doesn’t like me?
maybe it has something to do with you shooting him down in an incredibly insulting way
>Later he asked why, and I said: “because this isn’t serious, and probably tomorrow you won’t even text me.”
like maybe you thought you were straight shooting, or maybe you thought it was charming, but honestly, would you be vulnerable with someone who said that to you?
also, don’t go back to someones place if you’re not even going to make out. that’s just mixed signals.
I wouldn’t go on a third date with someone who acts like this when you’ve been vulnerable with them. But you should thank him for teaching you a lesson in how men shouldn’t talk to you.
“But then I don’t understand, why did he invite me over, hug me, and try to kiss me if he doesn’t like me?”
It could be that he likes hugging you and kissing you and hopes you will go further physically, but that he doesn’t see you as a serious connection.
There’s a lot of that in the dating world.
Sounds like he got a bit mad and fumbled his words a bit to try and make you upset too. Probably best to move on and brush it off.
With that said, however, maybe don’t assume the “probably tomorrow you won’t even text me” in the future, as that is kind of insulting and is probably what made him upset. If you don’t know someone well enough to know they’re that kind of person, it’s setting the relationship up for failure at the start.
>why did he invite me over, hug me, and try to kiss me if he doesn’t like me?
The possibility of sex.
I don’t think he “doesn’t like you,” but he isn’t interested in a relationship with “feelings” and such.