My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. In the beginning, things were rough, but now we’re stronger than ever. The main issue, though, is our difference in social skills. I’m outgoing, while she avoids socializing altogether, and unfortunately, this has put a bit of a strain in our relationship.
She’s never liked talking to people outside of us—not her parents, friends, or mine—and prefers if I don’t go out to see my friends either. Because of this, I’ve lost touch with close friends. Even at family gatherings, where everyone welcomes her warmly, she stays distant, avoiding board games, sports, family time, or conversation. Instead of participating in these things, she usually just watches us from a distance.
On the way home from our family vacation recently, it hit me that she simply just doesn’t enjoy talking. In all of our conversations throughout our relationship, her responses are short. Usually a “yes” “no”, “maybe” or “I guess.” Even asking something as simple as “hey, what song should we play?” is responded with a shrug or “idk” followed by silence. Same with movies or restaurants.
I’ve worried I’m boring her, or over-talkative, but she says she loves me and is just quiet. I love her as she is and have made it clear I don’t want to change her, but I’m starting to wonder if we’re truly compatible.
It breaks my heart, because I love her deeply. But I don’t feel socially comfortable anymore—caught between constant silence with her and guilt for wanting to see my friends or family or just wanting to not have a one-sided conversation anymore…. It just makes me sad.
TL;DR : My girlfriend is very quiet and reserved, I’m more of a social butterfly. Because of social restrictions, I don’t feel comfortable anymore…
Comments
Sure you’re probably incompatible, but it doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker. You aren’t forced to give up or sacrifice your own friendships. You can go be outgoing and extroverted, and she can be introverted. Just like you don’t want to change her, you don’t have to change yourself either.
Tell her what you said here? In a tactful way, of course. Why doesn’t she want you to hang out with your friends? Find out why she doesn’t like it. Tell her how you feel about it.
You should be able to socialize and spend time with your friends. That’s 100% not ok. But I think that should be talkable and fixable. COMMUNICATE!
How you communicate with her and what are you ok and not ok with is 100% a you thing. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t talk to me, at least. If she’s timid around other people, I wouldn’t worry a lot, but if i couldn’t have a real talk with her, that’s a deal breaker for me. But, the question is what you want and how you feel about it? Do you want to spend the next [insert years here] with someone that has that trait? Only you can answer that.
Yeah, you’re not compatible. It’s okay if she truly doesn’t want to talk to people but this thing where she “prefers” that you don’t go out with friends? That’s bad. She doesn’t get a say in that. You need a life too.