My (23f) bf (26m) of six months kissed a girl in Europe and lied about it. He has been in Europe for about six weeks with two guy friends and has been staying in hostels basically the whole time. There has been times that we were not in a lot of contact and it really stressed me out, so I did some digging. I found that he had followed a girl on instagram, and she had posted a group pic with her, her friend, and my bf and his friends. Eventually, despite feeling kinda crazy for this, I messaged her and told her that was my bf, and asked if he crossed any boundaries. She informed me that on the first night they met, their groups got along well, and they went out drinking. After, they (while both apparently very drunk) kissed. She said it was short, “definitely not a make out”. They then spent the next few days hanging out (the two girls and my bf and hai friends). She said nobody mentioned that my bf was in a relationship, and by the way he was acting, she assumed he was single. After that night, “nothing else happened” but he was apparently flirty.
I called his ass up and asked him about it. Unfortunately this girl for some reason messaged him to go off at him so he already knew I knew something. However, he didn’t admit to kissing her until he was backed into a corner. He then started coming up with excuses, literally saying “I didn’t mention I didn’t have a gf bc I didn’t even like her. I made a mistake and felt bad but didn’t want to tell you bc I didn’t want it to ruin everything” and more. I cussed him tf out and told him I could never trust him again. It makes me sick because if he could do this, what else did he do over there that I don’t know about?
What he did was so fucking hurtful, and I absolutely don’t plan on talking to him for a while. I genuinely hope he’s in Europe feeling sad as shit on his last night there. I was planning on picking him up from there airport and spending the next week with him, but that’s not happening anymore. I debated not mentioning anything then leaving him stranded at the airport, but I couldn’t sit with the information any longer and had to confront him.
What I’m stuck on though, is that before he left this was literally the most perfect relationship. Before this I genuinely just felt nothing but lucky and grateful to have him in my life. My friends had all expressed how perfect we were together, and my mutual friends all told me he was amazing and the sweetest guy before we got together. I know I sound like a chump right now, but is there any way this relationship could be salvageable?
He has told me already that he would do anything to fix this fuck up, but i will likely spend more time to reflect on this and give it atleast a few weeks before even considering a conversation.
It just fucking sucks. I try to be so selective about who I date, and have been pretty much single since 2022. So having found someone who I thought was my perfect match and having them throw it away like this is devastating. Has anyone been in a similar situation and have advice?
TL;DR: my “perfect” bf kissed another girl on a boys trip in Europe and didn’t tell me.
Comments
This isn’t salvageable. It’s new and he broke your trust and didn’t even own up to it at first. He would’ve kept lying to you and never would’ve been honest. If he would’ve talked to you about it as soon as it happened, then I might have said it could be salvageable with a lot of work. He decided to hide it. Move on.
I agree that this is a huge fuck up on his part. He definitely needs to pay at least a little bit of a price for it, so I would definitely wait to talk to him for at least a week or two to collect your thoughts. Make sure you communicate to him about that.
I think you should consider all your options, though I do not know if breaking up is necessary, even if it is okay to do so (and understandably warranted sometimes).
This was the most perfect relationship, I was blind sided
This is more common then you think
But he cheated , kiss or not. If she gave him the green light , they were definitely gonna have sex .
I would not stay but
If you want to accept this , it’s your choice .
Sounds like he’s the kind of guy that fundamentally wants to mess around with other girls. Especially when you’re not around. I doubt his feelings are going to change anytime soon.
You know what cheaters are good at? Cheating. Why are you calling him your BF?? Isn’t it about time you call this loser your ex? Never forgive cheaters. It only hurts you.
Sounds like he felt like a brief fling during a cross-continent trip would go undetected. I think he underestimated you. The question is, after this blow-up, will he be able to resist if even another opportunity to do so and IF you’re even able to get back together with him. Unfortunately, POV, bad habits die hard. However, though, you’re both still young. Maybe he’ll be able to change because he wants it to work out with you.
Of course, guys will come back to the classic question of “what constitutes cheating?”.