I don’t even know where to start. My boyfriend is one of the kindest, most selfless people I’ve ever met—but his parents treat him like he’s never enough. And now they’re asking him to sacrifice his career for them, and I feel so helpless.
He is the third child, but the eldest son out of seven siblings. Growing up, his father constantly compared him to his “achiever” siblings, made him feel like he had no worth, and even discouraged him from pursuing the profession he truly wanted. No matter how hard he tried, he was never seen the way his siblings were.
But when his father had a stroke, guess who stepped up? Him. He took a whole month off work to help take care of his father. Despite years of feeling unsupported, he was still the one who showed up. And now that he’s back at his job—hundreds of kilometers away from home—his parents are pressuring him to resign so he can run their couture shop. They told him they’ll just “pay him a salary” from it. To me, that feels so insulting after everything he’s worked for.
What hurts me most is how much of a burden he’s carrying. He has two younger siblings still in school (college and senior high). His parents fight constantly (his dad is controlling and jealous, his mom is a nonchalant type). And through all of this, he feels like the only way he can breathe is if he gives in to their demands.
I love him, but I’m scared. I want us to build a future together, start our own family—but how can we move forward if he’s always chained to his parents’ control? I don’t hate them, but the truth is, they’re crushing him. And just “hoping” things will change isn’t enough anymore.
I don’t know what to do. Has anyone else been with a partner who’s stuck in this kind of toxic family cycle? How did you support them, and how did you know if they could truly break free?
TL;DR; : My boyfriend’s parents expect him to give up his career and future for them, and I’m terrified he’ll never break free.