My boyfriend (M26) and I (24) have been together for almost 18 months now. We were best friends before we started dating, and everything just clicked between us. I love him, and I’ve never really been interested in dating anyone else before him. He made me feel comfortable enough to be in a relationship, which is why I said yes when he asked me out. It felt like a natural step, especially since we have so many shared interests, and he’s super talented and in a great place in his career. Recently, I’ve started spending more time with a new group of friends, and we go out a lot more. About a year ago, my boyfriend introduced me to one of his coworkers let’s call him C. At the time, it was a brief meeting, and I wasn’t introduced as his girlfriend because we were keeping our relationship a secret. I didn’t think much of it until I realized that C started joining the activities with my new friend group, and it turns out they all know him. I don’t think he knew I was dating my boyfriend at first, because he began flirting with me, mostly just saying sweet things and giving me lingering glances, even when I was talking to him. We have similar ambitions and passions and similar and relatable upbringing so conversation was natural. Then, when he realized I had a boyfriend, things got a bit distant between us. From my perspective, I found myself unexpectedly waiting for him, wanting to see him, and that sudden coldness was confusing. It wasn’t until I found out that he’d been asking about me to other people that I realized there might be something there. I like him really like him and enjoy spending time with him, regardless of his education and profession (which is decent). I’ve always envisioned my future partner as someone who’s really put together, but for some reason, I’m drawn to C now. We’ve started talking again after a bit of an awkward period, and now whenever we chat, he smiles in this way that makes me shy. When he smiles, it feels like my heart gets this tight, squeezed feeling it doesn’t race, it just feels heavy. There’s a lot of tension between us, but it’s unspoken. I want to get to know him better, but I’m holding back it’ll be messed up. I could never hurt my boyfriend, he shows me so much love. But every interaction with C is scanned into my memory, I can’t get him out. The slight upturn of his lips as he smiles, replays constantly. Time slows down when we past each other and lock eyes, the pull toward him feels so natural . I feel like I’m a terrible person, I hate myself for feeling this way and I wish I could just stop feeling what it is I’m feeling.
TL;DR: I’m in a relationship that I wanted mostly because of comfort and similar goals but am now falling for a guy for reasons I cannot even understand.