I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He is a very nice person and cares for me, but he never shows it in any way. He is emotionally unavailable and whenever I bring it up, he dismisses it and just says, “That’s how I am.”
He doesn’t put any effort into the relationship. I’m not even talking about money or big materialistic things-I’d be happy with something simple, like him sharing how much he loves me But even that, he doesn’t do.
We’ve fought a lot and keep going in circles. I’m someone who loves traveling, going out, and making memories. He’s the complete opposite and never wants to do anything. I like surprising him with gifts and I openly communicate about my feelings, but when I do, he just shuts down completely.
Today we had a major fight about the same thing- how he doesn’t do anything in this relationship while I keep trying. I told him being idle like this is hurting me, but instead of working on it, he just said, “Let’s break up.” He brings up breaking up in almost every fight now, and it’s draining.
I couldn’t just leave either, because we do care about each other very much and we’ve been through hard times together. I honestly think he can be a really good partner. But there are things that keep repeating and I don’t know how much longer I can take it.
This is a throwaway because I don’t want him to know it’s me.
TL;DR: Been with my boyfriend 3 years, but he’s emotionally unavailable and puts no effort into the relationship. We keep fighting, he often threatens breakups, and I feel like I’m the only one trying.
Comments
If he never shows compassion or love and always brings up breaking up then the next time he says it be prepared. Have a place to go and when he says it just leave. No words. His reaction should tell you exactly what you should do.
No. He isn’t a nice person who cares for you.
He does nothing and you keep giving and giving and giving, thinking that will magically change him. He threatens to break up with you continuously, knowing you will cave and continue to ask nothing of him.
Leave, OP. And please, get therapy, to understand why you stayed with someone like this. This is not a normal, healthy relationship dynamic.