TD;LR
I need y’all opinion
Hello. I’m a male (30) dating a woman who is also (30). We have been together for 6 years now. We have two kids together. But I feel like the two kids and some family issues prior to the kids has led to a decline in our sex life…let me explain
So we had our first kid about a year and a half ago. Obviously was pregnant for 9 months prior. Then after having the first kid, she became impregnated about half a year later.
When I got this news, it was the worst news in every way. I already had two kids so now that makes 4. Financial stability was questionable (which we fixed). But the issue I want to talk about her is our sex life and how it was effected.
The first few years we had sex very consistently. Prior to becoming pregnant the first time we were having issues with her sisters rude, kinda racist, but mostly introverted behavior. That just put stress onto our relationship until we got that figured out. Prior to that I also wasn’t getting treated the best by her sister, not because I think she don’t like me, but because she’s in the awkward spot between everyone so she wasn’t intentionally rude it seems like, but wasn’t friendly either.
After that she got pregnant. Sex life drastically decreased. I then asked for nudes from 2 girls, maybe max 3 during that time because I got bored of fake pornstar sex and she wouldn’t send me any because she’s shy doing those things. I didn’t want to force her out of her comfort zone so I asked from elsewhere as i still have sexual needs and desires. And to be frank, my sex drive is higher than hers.
She’s pregnant again 6 months later and only had sex a handful of times in between pregnancies cuz of healing and I knew where that was gonna put me. So I’ve gotten nudes again a few times. Sent old pics out (thinking it’s a grey area cuz it’s old. Came to realization, it’s not a grey area and it’s NOT okay at all. But I knew I had a sex issue that she’s not willing to resolve atm for good reason. I totally understand why. But that doesn’t change my needs and now we’re going on years of lack of sex.
So I went from sending nudes to grabbing this girl ass at work twice. Doing it because of reason already stated to and because the girl at work has an ass so big I’ve never seen in person before. I’ve avoided her for years but caved into just grabbing her butt twice and she sent me nudes on multiple occasions and I sent her nudes once. Again, old pics.
Anywho, I know this is all wrong. I just don’t know what to do.
I feel guilty looking back on it all. But I also feel slightly justified , just slightly, because I do still have needs myself. I talked to her about it. Told her how I felt. Told her some nudes from her would help. But I’m just not getting anything. I love her with all my heart. I really do. It’s why I have not cheated in full . Never kissed anyone, fucked anyone, none of that. I just need more sexual entertainment and arousal from her.
I was given advice to not tell her because the only clear definition that everyone agrees is cheating is kissing, fucking, etc. and also because she’s not going to understand cuz she’s a girl and not a guy. She’ll get it to a certain point which I agree. I don’t think she’d breakup with me, but I feel like it’d put unnecessary stress on our relationship when I have stopped because I don’t want to continue going down the rabbit hole to find out and I don’t want to cheat on her. I truly never wanted to and still don’t. I just need more of her.
I just don’t know if I should tell her, should I just continue to take it to my grave.
It’s hard being a guy because when you compare this to other guys, I’m doing FAR better by comparison. Body count is at 11 at the age of 30. Most men would just fuck and get it over with, but not me. I don’t want to do that to her, me, or our family. And most guys who give “guy” advice, which isn’t typically the best advice but it does consider “men” POV’s.
I just want yall opinions on what should I do. When responding, please mention if you’re Male
Or Female.