TL; DR: basically the title
I get all the “none of your business narrative” when it comes to partner’s sexual past and I agree with it, but what I also find very common is that sometimes even good relationships ruin completely, when partners “lie” about their past. In different forums guys just completely self-sabotage themselves when they acknowledge much later in life that partner’s past was much wilder than they thought. And you know, I believe not the fact itself is devastating, but losing trust.
So I find this topic very interesting: what is your magic formula here: how (and if) past experiences should be discussed/told completely to understand whether values align or “not know-not care” is better?
Because if we conclude that “you will never know” is the 99% of the cases, how to build trust and save yourself from possible future sorrow, without being nosy that goes as total turn-off.
So how do you guys cope with it? Again, more related to genuine communication than pure digging.
Thank you guys!
Comments
the uncomfortable truth? If you’re constantly worried about what you don’t know, that’s often more about your own anxiety than actual relationship concerns. focus on building a relationship where both of you feel safe being honest about what actually matters going forward :))
Who are these weenies learning about someone’s wild past and getting inconsolably bummed?
My husband and I share freely about past relationships as part of normal conversation. We rarely discuss which relationships involved sex, how wild it was or wasn’t, and we’ve never discussed how many partners. Not because we are keeping secrets, but because this shit doesn’t matter if you love someone.
We once had an odd conversation about the temperature of my v. Apparently I’m much hotter than previous cold fish gf and that was a surprise to him.
I’m reasonably sure who I date doesn’t have a secret past as a serial killer or something. That they don’t have another family hidden away. Etc. It sounds like you’re worried about number of past sexual partners and in that regard I couldn’t care less.