[19M] This started my freshman year of college, I was in the freshman dorms and I met this girl – we started hanging out in a group setting then slowly 1 on 1. We started hooking up but I was still very open and looking for other partners. (Very distant with her) Eventually she wanted to be exclusive and I said no at the time. About 1-2 months later we became exclusive, arguments were super bad and consistent and I also still wanted to explore with other people, so I ended things with her. The day we ended things she went back to her home state and the whole time I regretted it and realized how good she was to me. She came back to our state and I convinced her to get back with me. Ever since that, it felt as if she wasn’t as in it as she was, which was understandable. After 3ish months of me putting 100% of my everything into us (flowers weekly, doing things for her, taking her out, being there for her, just being the best guy ever) she broke up with me, saying she didn’t feel right in the relationship. This broke me pretty bad, and she was still texting me over the next few days, then about 4 days later she begs me to get back with her. I do, under the condition she puts in more and actually matches what I was doing for her. She didn’t, and I slowly started to care less. It’s been about 2 months since then and now I’m at a point where I feel very disconnected and almost not in it. Another thing is I’m a very sexually driven person, and before she broke up with me we were doing it 3-4 times a week, now it’s like once a month and I’m exhausted getting shut down when I try and initiate. She loves me and puts in effort now and keeps me updated and does all these good things, but now after all of this I feel so tired and just disconnected and shut down that i don’t know if I want this anymore. She has noticed too and asks if I’m still in this and if I still truly love her and I say yes even though I’m not sure. I’m scared that if I break up with her I’m going to regret it because of all her amazing qualities, but there’s just some things I have trouble looking past. She’s a very messy person and her rooms always a clutter, and her eating habits are really bad and affect my weight and health. What should I do?
TL;DR this girl isn’t putting in enough and it’s pushing me away, should I stay and deal with the feelings it gives me or end things?
Comments
It sounds like your emotional and physical needs aren’t being met consistently. Love is important, but compatibility and respect for boundaries matter too. Staying out of obligation will only make things worse