I (m/24) have been with my girlfriend (f/23) for a little over 3 years. The relationship started off really great, but after the first six months, arguments and jealousy started creeping in – from both sides. I was a bit more jealous, but never in an extreme way.
There’s one incident that really stuck with me emotionally: We were at a party at a friend’s rec hall. I was playing ping-pong with a buddy while my girlfriend was with some others – including my best friend – at one of those boxing machines. My best friend spent like half an hour trying to beat the high score. My girlfriend was sitting with some people right in front of the machine and (maybe secretly) recorded two or three short videos of him, zooming in on him a little, and later moved those videos into a hidden folder on her phone.
A month or two later, we were on vacation. She wanted to show me a picture of her back because of an allergy. When she opened that hidden folder on her iPhone (where she keeps pics or videos she doesn’t want everyone to see – nothing bad, just selfies or other stuff she doesn’t like but still wants to keep), I suddenly recognized the background and realized there were also those videos from that party – the ones of my best friend at the boxing machine. It was those 2–3 clips.
I was shocked and didn’t even know what to say, so I went to the bathroom to calm down. When I came back, she had already realized I’d seen something and deleted the videos right away. I confronted her, and at first, she denied everything – until we found them in the trash folder. She explained that she just found it interesting how he kept hitting that machine and wanted to have a memory of it because it was like the “thing” in the room at the time, but she didn’t want me to see the videos because she thought I’d take it the wrong way – like I’d think she found him sexually attractive.
When I saw the videos in the trash, it really bothered me that my friend was the focus. I also remembered that she followed him on Instagram around that time – maybe before, maybe after – which, in that moment, just gave me a weird feeling. She was really disappointed that I’d even question her intentions, and for her, those videos were apparently just a memory. And to be fair, she does take “memory” videos of random stuff all the time.
Back then, I felt really hurt because to me it felt like a breach of trust – mostly because of the hiding and the initial lying. After that, she did everything she could for months to rebuild my trust – letters, long talks, honest efforts, and it really meant a lot to me. Eventually, I “accepted” it, or more like pushed it aside, especially since I was busy with my studies. I also completely let go of the jealousy and, since then, we’ve had a lot of amazing moments together.
But now that I’m almost done with University and my mind is “freer,” those old thoughts are creeping back. Even though things between us are really good now and I do trust her completely, there’s still this little voice in the back of my head making me wonder – like, was there actually some kind of attraction to my best friend that I never really accepted? It’s okay to find someone attractive, but I’m afraid that she used those videos to masturbate, because would be really creepy. I also told her those Feelings and she was also really disappointed and angry about my Opinion..
I want to finally put this chapter behind me because it’s not healthy to keep thinking about it from time to time. What do you guys think – am I overreacting, or is this understandable? Would you consider this a breach of trust?
I know a lot of people will ask how I even stayed in the relationship all these years, but the thing is, we’re planning to move in together soon – that’s the next big step – and I guess my “protective” side is kicking in again..
TL;DR: Found old videos my girlfriend secretly recorded of my best friend boxing at a party years ago. She hid and deleted them but apologized and worked to regain my trust. I forgave her, but the memory is coming back now that we plan to move in together. Am I overreacting?