Hello people of Reddit!
I thought I should make a post so I could get my thoughts out.
So, me (21M) have been dating my girlfriend (20F) for over 2 years now. Our anniversary was actually not too long ago as of this post (4th of March). But I digress.
The reason I’m making a post is because I think my girlfriend is not putting enough effort into our relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I love her, but I feel like i’m putting way more effort into seeing her, fixing myself so I look good before coming to see her, getting little gifts for her every now and then to make her happy etc etc.
Recently, when I call her to see if she’s available, she’s always busy with her family. Stuff like: Her little sister has a volleyball tournament and she always goes and watches her and cheers for her (which is cute), or she helping her mom plant flowers or vegetables, or she’s cleaning the house, or her sisters wanted to go hang out at the mall (Side note, she has 3 sisters. She’s the oldest).
Now, nothing of this is coherently bad. She just wants to help out her family. But what about me?? When does she have time for me?? I’m always the one who writes “I miss you” and then proceeds to visit her the day after. I’m always the one coming over to her to spend time with her. She hasn’t been to my place in forever.
So, here are the stats, or whatever it’s called :/
In the beginning of our relationship, we maybe saw each other 3 – 4 times a week.
Towards the 1st year, we saw each other like 2 times a week.
Now after 2 years, we would maybe see each other once a week!
It’s just sad, because I do love her. And I want to make her happy, and I try to do so with everything I do. Just wish she’d do the same…
So, after reading all that, any advice on how I should approach her with this?
Comments
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I’d say bring it up gently. Not in a “you’re doing something wrong” way, but more like, “I miss the way we used to spend time together. I feel like I’m always trying to make it happen, and I just want to know where you’re at.”
Pay attention to how she responds. If she values you and the relationship, she’ll find a way to show up more even if life’s busy. If she doesn’t, then maybe that tells you what you need to know. You deserve someone who’s just as excited to see you as you are to see them.
>I want to talk to you about something that’s been bothering me recently.
>But I am starting to feel like we don’t spend enough time together.
>We used to se each-other 3-4 times a week… And now we’re down to once a week.
>Obviously I don’t expect 4 times a week, but for myself once weekly is not enough. We’re in a relationship and I feel we should be seeing more of each-other. I want to see my GF more than once a week.
>It makes me feel disconnected from you. I miss you. I miss having you feel more active in my life. Its tough to feel like you’re around when its just once a week.
>I think I need to see you twice at minimum. I am becoming unhappy right now, so this is an adjustment I feel is necessary.
>I don’t know how you want to approach it, I know you’re busy with all your other stuff. Maybe we need to plan way ahead so you don’t pack your schedule when we have plans.
>I know for myself, I like more spontaneous hangouts, like planning the day before or few days ahead, but clearly that’s not working.
>So, can we take a look at your schedule because I would like to start booking dates with you ahead of time so we’re locked in.
To the point. Understanding and respectful to her life. No “I feel unloved or neglected” chatter. No aggression or confrontation. Relayed the importance to you spending more time together. Presented a solution by booking her schedule further in advance. This is a problem to me, lets fix it. Not trying to blow this up into something large, but it needs correcting.