People are so quick (eager?) to misunderstand each other these days that we can no longer simply say what we mean, we also have to say what we don’t mean if we don’t feel like overly clarifying ourselves after people are already offended.
People are so quick (eager?) to misunderstand each other these days that we can no longer simply say what we mean, we also have to say what we don’t mean if we don’t feel like overly clarifying ourselves after people are already offended.
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As Jimmy Carr said, offense is never given, it is always taken. You are not responsible for the offense someone takes. Though, you can try to be polite to avoid an unfortunate “trigger event”.
It’s all about sides now. If you say you don’t like something minor about something, you’re automatically 100% on the other side.
So what, now I don’t listen?!?!? Or am I just too dumb?!?!? /s
Please elaborate with examples. This is too vague and ironically carries the same problem that you’re describing.
Reddit in a nutshell ..anything they disagree with including facts is met with hateful sentiments and downvote..
Go look up “low trust society.” We are quickly becoming one…an unintended consequence of a lot of our fundamental assumptions.
I think people in general are angry or bitter about something. So they react as if they’re being attacked even when there’s no apparent threat. I think the majority of online outspoken hate comes from a personal need to vent about negative feelings. As in, your brain may be looking for a fight to relieve itself of negative feelings
Reddit is very bad for it. People love to correct other people here, even if it’s unrelated to the original point. I could be posting about my thesis about butterfly dislocation, and if I mention caterpillars’ primary diet is asclepias tuberosa instead of asclepias syriaca I’ll get a 10 comment thread arguing about plants instead of butterflies. Then someone will chime in and be like “they actually like lettuce the most because they keep eating my lettuce.”
On Twitter, people like to shit disturb. Reading that site after quitting for a year is like going on a field trip to an asylum.
On YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, etc, it’s usually political. Things are put into the red or blue bucket, and you are only allowed to like the things in one color bucket. Humans are inherently social, so this pressure forces people to toe the red or blue line to fit in. Once someone declares that monarch butterflies are “blue,” then everyone blue has to like it, and everyone red has to hate it. And the red team will start making videos about how woke monarch butterflies are.
On YouTube it also depends on the creator and the community they create. Some creators are very good at shutting that shit down. You really gotta fine tune your algorithm (the stop recommending this fucking channel button) to make it good.
I actually agree to a great degree, especially in online discussions
Ugh you nailed it, OP. It’s like a part of society forgot the key rule of interacting with others:
“Treat others the way you want to be treated.”
That’s not a religious thing, it’s just a basic rule of getting along with other people. Say it however you want but, that basic rule is a big part of how business and personal relationships of any kind begin and last.
Right now it feels like some people think the key rules are: “I’m never wrong.”, “Don’t talk to me about anything that requires me to grow my knowledge and/or perspectives.”, and “Nothing is my fault.”
These attitudes and behaviors simply aren’t sustainable. Human beings have always had to come together on some things, and find some common ground for our own mutual survival and advancement. Because this is an unsustainable extreme, the pendulum on social norms will swing back to something more productive eventually but it would be nice if it happened sooner rather than later.
I find that not valuing anyone else’s opinion helps a lot.
Crazy how saying what you mean is not enough anymore. You basically have to write a mini FAQ just to avoid someone getting offended.
That doesn’t even work. Now they say, “if you have to put a clarifier like that up, then you shouldn’t have said anything at all”.
Did you just call us all idiots?
I’m so offended.
Because they want to win arguments. Sometimes even if there wouldn’t be one. Now, of you are debating honestly, then you won’t win all arguments and you may have to face it that you were wrong. For many people that’s worse than actually being wrong so they try all they can (and that’s mostly applying logical fallacies) to prove themselves that they are right and the other person is wrong.
Again, the point is not being right and not whether what the other person is saying is actually wrong but what they feel.
If someone is operating like this then they’ll do what is called “listen to respond” as opposed to “listen to understand”. What you say only matters as long (as much) they have a good response. If you didn’t exactly say that, they’ll still want to use their good/strong response because that feels good and safe.
I think arguments/debates should always be about trying to understand the question/issue/topic better, not about who wins. If I’m proven wrong, while it feels somewhat bad, I’m still happy to stand corrected. Because that means that I now know better! But you do have to go into the debates with this mindset to avoid the former, because otherwise if you open a big mouth at the beginning, then it will be extra hard to say “yeah, you’re right/I was wrong”. But a lot of people don’t do this, so they paint themselves (at least psychologically) into the corner from the very beginning.
People just can’t read anymore. More than a single sentence and they turn into helpless babies. It’s infuriating.
Because people are ANGRY and looking for any small outlet to release the rage. Neuroscience shows that angry people do not have the luxury of critical thought. You can’t be having a conniption while also thinking clearly. It’s just not physically possible.
Indeed. The massive intolerance from people who seem to think that they are all about being tolerant just ruins so much of everyday life/conversation now. The need to be offended and then blame someone/anyone/everyone for it is so tiresome. LOL I pray that normal discourse will come back into fashion.
Because addressing a problem requires time, effort, empathy and the willingness and openness to be wrong. People might have the first one, but the other 3 qualities are plastic at best. Who needs to empathise with the other guy if the other guy is a neo-nazi – and, conveniently, everyone who disagrees with you is a Neo Nazi!
If they are from the US, there’s a high pourcentage of chance that they simply didn’t read it right.
If you look at the literacy statistics, 54% of adults (in the US) have a literacy below sixth-grade level, and 21% of USians 18 and older are illiterate (in 2022).
I usually just let them seethe. Bonus points if they are being extra, then i like to poke a little more.
the thing is, communication has always worked both ways. one gets to say what one wants, and other people get to decide how they feel about it. that’s not a new problem or people being ‘too sensitive’. it’s just how social interaction works. free speech means the government can’t stop you from talking. it doesn’t mean other people have to listen, agree, or keep hanging out with you afterward. when someone says ‘you can’t say anything these days,’ what it usually means is ‘people used to just put up with things that made them uncomfortable, and now they don’t.’ the difference isn’t that people misunderstand more, it’s that they’re more willing to speak up when they do understand exactly what is meant. nobody’s stopping anyone from talking. but nobody owes a friendly audience either.
We’re all a bunch of dumb mutant monkeys that wipe our asses with bleached rags made from murdered trees after we shit in buckets of perfectly good drinking water. We suck.
seems like a subset of people are lookin for reasons to be offended
some are finding new reasons for old words to be offensive
It pisses me off that I’m designing a full sleeve that includes Norse pagan/ Celt Druid symbols and I have to research every single one to make sure it hasn’t become a neo-Nazi symbol yet. The depiction of a guillotine with the caption “SLAY YOUR OPPRESSORS” should clear me but I’m not counting on people to “read the room.”
Exactly! It’s like conversations now come with patch notes: Here’s what I said, here’s what I didn’t mean and here’s a DLC clarification pack in case you’re still mad.
Yes. I begin my replies to sensitive topics with my stance to cut down on misinterpretation.
Haha it’s true and it’s so annoying to see posts with a paragraph of what they don’t mean before even getting to what they’re saying…but they’re right, if they don’t say those things everyone will just attack. The fucking internet is so dumb. When can we be done with this
This is on all the people who humor those who get offended, as if that offense should be taken seriously. Imagine if the second someone started saying they were offended, ranting about racism, misogyny, etc., instead of people arguing with them or contradicting them, they just got a slew of comments in response just reading “whatever”. They’re just children looking for attention, as and long as their technique for getting it works, they’ll keep using it. The second people stop humoring them, though, they’ll move on to something else.
My favorite youtubers with the 30-second preamble of “this is my opinion so don’t get too upset” routine.
Sure, I get disappointed when my friends don’t share the same enthusiasm of something that I thought they would. I’m not immune to reactive feelings. But the reviewers that have to say this every video are doing so for a reason: some people in the audience are just that out of tune with other humans.
I just experienced this on a post trying to get restaurant suggestions. Mods removed it because I guess I didn’t give enough detail on preferences (none), dietary restrictions (none), budget (not applicable), etc. You can’t even ask people what their favorite restaurants and meals are on this platform without adding a bunch of unnecessary qualifiers unless you just want to piss them off I guess? I find it really fucking strange. Like, people are just hostile and looking to pick things apart as a default or something.
I didn’t vote for Trump, but….
(Insert reasoning for legitimately anything)
Reminds me of one of my favorite tweets:
> Twitter the only place where well articulated sentences still get misinterpreted.
> You can say “I like pancakes” and somebody will say “So you hate waffles?”
> No bitch. Dats a whole new sentence. Wtf is you talkin about.
I agree. But to be clear, this is just my opinion and you’re welcome to disagree with me. And if you disagree with this post, I’m not necessarily saying I think you’re wrong. We’re allowed to have a difference of opinion on this issue. And if we disagree, it doesn’t mean that I have any negative feelings towards you personally. Please reply to my comment if you think I got something wrong, or feel free to share your own thoughts.
what confuses me, is that it’s like this across all age groups. You’d think people of different age groups would act as they have always acted. Like older people always acting like they did when they were younger, and a new younger generation would be the type to distrust others, then carry those feelings into old age.
But instead it seems like society changes as a whole and acts the same irrelevant of when they were born.
Have you read the book Crucial Accountability? 10/10
The cynicism is off the charts.
We’re behaving like rats in a cage
cynicism: the inclination to believe that people are motivated purely by self-interest
In this generation People will say something, it’s the people job to say. The thing you should remember to remain calm and faces every problem and situation with a big smile
Yeah, and what’s that supposed to mean? Huh?
I think a bigger issue is the ability to go online and find your echo chamber. Before social media, smart phones, and global interconnection at the press of a button… you had to interact with your neighbors and your community. You wouldn’t always agree with these people but that was who you had. You could be reasonable and agree to disagree for the sake of being civil.. and most people were. You might even change people’s minds.
A lot of people complain about a loss of common sense these days. Well that is due in large part to the loss of local community filled with diversified opinions. Now your community is online and it says all the things you want it to say or you think it should say. Anything else is just stupid and wrong. Such a shame we now live like this.
To add to this, after you over clarify, people say you are man splaining and misunderstanding harder.
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Just gonna mention the bean soup video and the “what about me?” effect.
[Shamelessly used ChatGPT to source to find the video and get a tldr.]
“@sarahthebookfairy argued that the “Bean Soup” reaction highlights what she calls the “What About Me?” effect: people often criticize or question content simply because it doesn’t cater to their personal preferences. Rather than accepting it as it is, viewers try to reshape it to suit themselves. She uses this to illustrate a broader social media trend, where users can be self-focused and lack empathy, expecting every post to conform to their own tastes instead of appreciating it on its own terms.”
i’m gonna try to explain my take as clear as i can.
And if it was mentioned before, sorry for the echo.
Mostly us humans believe there is one truth for everything. But there isn’t.
The truth for one person is what projected or received through their own perspective.
The perspective that is the sum of their whole belief system (religious or spiritual),
experiences, ideas, traumas, memories… Whole data that they collected since the birth.
That’s why one could call blue what other call red. They might be both true. Or both false. It could be yellow all along. Or i might be wrong as well. 🙂
As humanity, we are at the peak of the individualism compared to the whole history.
You know most of us raised as unique snowflakes. So our truth is the only valid one.
We stopped listening. We’re just waiting our turn to speak our truth. Even if it isn’t the subject at all.
There are no dialogue left on earth. Just monologues that pair each other sometimes.
I must confess. This is a big and probably an ignorant generalization. But this is my truth. so stfu 🙂
what do you mean people? Are you saying cats can’t talk?
Social media really screwed us up. Not only are people able to surround themselves with people that share only their opinion and become tribal- I mean, viral against others for theirs, but they’ve quickly adopted the mindset that only one opinion is correct, so they’ll quickly abandon their own morals to not be hated by anyone (and it’s straight hate, cuz you’d look bad for just having a simple disagreement. You’re either with someone or against them).
Combine that with miserable things and people being shoved in your face all day every day and being told it’s the fault of people who think a certain way, we’ve come to assume the worst in people if we can neither understand what they’re saying right away or agree with what they’re saying right away.
intentionally misunderstading is a way of not listening
People tend look for whatever echo chamber argument they have an answer for and then when they hear something that vaguely resembles that they eagerly assume that’s what it is.
“Oh you think legal record should be kept of who is in our country? Obviously you are a racist. Never mind you yourself are held to the same requirement.”
I feel this so much. I’ve caught myself adding disclaimers like “I don’t mean X…” just to avoid the inevitable misread. It’s exhausting and it flattens the conversation
I think it’s just one of those online things. If thousands of people are reading something you wrote, statistically some of them are both insufferable and stupid.
I have noticed that way too many people seem incapable of expending even the slightest energy to understand someone else. The rush is to immediate judgment, and even if time is allowed for an explanation, no one will change their minds, and the judgment will proceed as if nothing happened. No effort to consider a different perspective is expended.
It’s infuriating.
You need to move, switch countrys or city.
It’s not like that everywhere. There is hope.
I can’t make a comment on Reddit with a degree of seriousness without first considering every point someone might try to attack me on. You’re immediately judged by what you didn’t mention and lumped into a side of an argument. It’s absolutely exhausting and toxic as hell.
well a huge part of it too aside from the political climate is that it’s so fucking easy to misinterpret a text and all these social media platforms are just text based conversations cus duh
Lucky this is a recent thought for you, been having to deal with this since primary school.
Just like when I ask what day of the week is it, I’m told the day of the month, or vice versa.
About 25 years ago, I noticed people using an increased amount of clarifying statements when they spoke. They said what they wanted to, but then had to add on something else to account for potential rebuttals. I’m glad I’m not the only one who is noticing this stuff. I noticed this a lot at work where you have to almost pre-butt people so that they will not come at you and waste your time. That’s might just be my own thing. People are bad communicators these days.
At this point, I need a disclaimer for my disclaimers! I didn’t mean to offend you, but if I did, I also didn’t mean that.
I don’t want to learn, I just want to be RIGHT… even if at the expense of any mutual understanding. Hell, I’d say it’s worse than that. I don’t care if I’m right, I just want YOU to be WRONG.
It’s a strange society we live in these days because we supposedly value being genuine and spontaneous yet we also don’t want to offend others so we end up saying things that are generally acceptable while pretending they’re our own opinions.
social media that limits characters sure as hell doesn’t help conveying a meaning either.
I don’t think I like what you are implying.