I’m not talking about friends / acquaintances that you don’t really talk to much. More so people you consider a good friend, you went out of your way to make them feel special on their birthday but when it comes to yours they just don’t even say a word… I don’t think I am overreacting but given the level of closeness I thought I was to some oft friends, I’d at least expect one happy birthday text or something. I personally am in the camp that views how someone treats you on your birthday shows what they really think about you and where you stand in their life. Though, I’m not sure if I am overreacting. Disclaimer: these people know it is my birthday as well because they’ve viewed my posts on social media, etc.
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I really value birthdays so I would talk to them about it but it is upsetting and mean to me
I personally don’t care, but I hate birthdays. Triggers memories of abuse I had as a child. The most I’ll do is take someone out to dinner, so obviously more than just a text. But, if someone doesn’t mention it, I usually don’t do anything. Because if you don’t mention it, to me it’s a signal you don’t want to do anything. But if a friend says “so I was trying to decide what to do for my birthday” I’ll suggest dinner out. Because that’s all I’ll do.
On thing is, you now know you don’t need to do anything for your friends birthdays. So in a way, isn’t it a relief?
While I do hold birthdays in high regard, I’m more concerned with the cumulative results of the other 364 days.
For example, someone I’m very close with didn’t say anything on my birthday this year, but when I was visiting their city in the weeks before, they went out of their way to make my trip special. And in general, they are willing to do anything I need them to and show up. Because of this, I don’t hold the fact they missed the actual day itself against them bc I know they still care about me and that I’m a priority in their life bc it’s shown in other ways the rest of the year.
I would want this same grace and consideration extended to me as well if/when I forget.
I love my birthday so much so I always celebrate it the way I want and invite people to do things with me. I don’t care if anyone remembers or does anything for me (unless they say they’ll come and then flake or something), but I also don’t really do anything for anyone else’s birthday except show up for whatever they invite me too or text “happy birthday 🎉”
I love birthdays! But I honestly don’t care. I get it. Life is busy as hell. I’ve got friends who I don’t talk to for weeks to months at a time and we pick up conversations like just talked yesterday.
It doesn’t change our relationship on the day to day but going forward I ignore their birthday as well. Clearly birthdays aren’t a big deal to them.
>Disclaimer: these people know it is my birthday as well because they’ve viewed my posts on social media, etc.
So, these are posts that are like, reposting a sweet birthday picture from somebody else, or like a post that mentions it’s your birthday? I was going to say that maybe they haven’t realised it’s your birthday, but if they’re viewing a post like that, and not messaging you to say “Happy birthday!” I think that’s not great.
If it’s just that you posted around the time of your birthday about your upcoming birthday, I think that’s a different story. Most adults have a lot going on, so sometimes the fact that it’s the 22nd and that’s X’s birthday slips their mind, and I don’t think that’s a terrible friend offence. But if they’re seeing something reminding them that it’s your birthday today, and they know that your birthday is important to you, it’s not great that they’re not following up with you.
Yeah I usually spend my birthdays with my friends and if not they’re very much text at midnight people so I would be really hurt
I agree with you. It does show what they really think. I go through the same thing.
I really don’t think it’s a big deal. A lot of people have lots of things on their plate—it’s petty and taking it way too personally to get offended if they don’t wish you a happy birthday. Especially on social media. I’ve stopped doing this in general because I know there are people out there like yourself who will be offended if I wish someone else a happy birthday but not them
Also as a general rule you should match other peoples energy. If they are not going out of their way for you, stop doing that towards them.
It’s hurtful when a friend doesn’t reciprocate your efforts. It takes little time to send a text or a card. I would just match their effort when it’s their birthday, and enjoy celebrating with people who enjoy celebrating with you.
I would definitely say something, and if they generally don’t care and didn’t accidentally forget my birthday I would end the friendship! It takes 2 seconds to send a quick happy birthday text, if they cant do that for me, especially when I make them feel special on their birthday, then they are not worth my time!
Last year I think like two people wished me happy birthday. I don’t really care anymore. Most years I will plan something and my friends always come through, but last year I got lazy haha.
The only reason I remember friends’ birthdays is because I put a reminder in my phone, and even then I’ll see the notification and forget sometimes. If they’re involved in my life in other ways, then they’re still my friend. I don’t think the thought process of just because I do it for them they should do it for me, is a good mental space to be in. I wish my friends happy birthday because I love them, I don’t do it to expect something in return.
Your birthday is only special to you, sorry. It’s just another busy day to everyone else. It’s nice when people remember but I don’t care if a good friend forgets. We’re all adults trying to survive this hellscape, so I can’t possibly be upset over forgotten birthdays.
My best friend forgot my birthday and I decided to remind her because I loved her enough and I knew that she didn’t mean to. She apologized and she said she thought it was some other date for some reason. And I thought no hard feelings, but I did have it in the back of my head. Fast-forward like a year or two later when we were supposed to hang out, she actually double booked me and some other new friend that she had and decided to hang out with the other friend instead. So her forgetting the birthday does mean something it means she doesn’t really care. That’s how I interpret it anyway. Just my two cents.
I figure they’re just not birthday people.
I hate having to remember peoples birthdays & I don’t care if they forget mine. If you want them to remember, have a party. Then you’ll get plenty of wishes, songs & cake 🥳
My very best friend missed my 40th birthday. It hurt, but when I took a step back and reassessed, I realized it wasn’t personal. She’s going through a messy divorce and just got lost in it for awhile. She was very apologetic and its water under the bridge now. I definitely try to remember birthdays and wish the people in my life a happy one. I think maybe you are putting a little too much importance on it and expecting too much. People in general suck. If you don’t have expectations, you can’t be disappointed.
It’s me. I’m the bad birthday friend! Usually, I remember the person’s birthday is coming up, but I forgot the date on the day of. If it weren’t for other people reminding me when it’s my birthday, I’d probably forget that on the day, too.
For me, it has nothing to do with lack of love for them. I’ll try to explain it, but I don’t know if that will work. Let’s say my best friend’s birthday is July 1. On June 20, I’ll go “oh yeah! Her birthday is coming up!” But then my schedule will become July 1: also the day of 4 meetings and that bill to pay and oh yeah I forgot about the dog’s meds getting picked up at the vet and damnit I double-booked that appointment slot! Shit.” And then it’s 11pm, the birthday post goes up on Instagram, and I’ve forgotten to remember that July 1 was also her birthday. Which is to say, I forgot her birthday but I didn’t forget her.
I’m sure someone can write a commentary on neurodivergence or something, but it’s mostly just that “July 1 birthday of my favorite person” is stored in a different part of my brain than “July 1 pick up the dog’s meds at the vet.”
I have discovered that I am much less important to some people than they are to me.
I would go out of my way to make sure I sent a card or give a present to the people I cared the most about. For most of them, I maybe got a Facebook Happy Birthday.
I now temper my actions to match their energy.
I don’t care at all. I don’t even want to do anything for mine other than not do laundry or dishes or have to cook. I text my closest friends, but honestly, I don’t know anyone who does anything for their birthday unless it’s a milestone. My friends and I are all in the slog of our 40’s and don’t care.
It wouldn’t bother me.
I’ve had people make a big deal on my birthday, and it’s nice. I’m always appreciative. But I am not a birthday person. And I’ve grown a bit wary of “birthday” people because they seem to have the expectation that the happy birthday energy that they exude for others must be returned to them in equal measure or else they aren’t loved. And I think that is unfair.
I don’t really advertise my birthday and don’t mind that friends forget when it is
I don’t care! Every day is someone’s birthday. And every day is the very worst day of someone’s life. It’s nice when people remember me but if they don’t… no big deal. I’m not waiting by the phone to hear happy birthday, I’m out celebrating! If a friend cut me off for not texting them happy birthday, I’d be relieved because I think that’s just petty and juvenile.
My day is about me and I make my own plans and treat myself to something nice without the stress that is organising other people. If people say happy birthday that’s nice, but I’m not keeping track of who does/doesn’t wish me a happy birthday.
How friends show up for me the other 364 days of the year is absolutely more important. I’ll take someone who forgets my birthday but picks me up and takes me to the hospital at 6am over someone who makes a fuss over my birthday but is never there otherwise any day.
It’s actually my birthday this weekend. I’m not on social media so I don’t expect people to remember unless I bring it up. I firmly believe it’s up to the birthday person to make it known what they want for their day.
As you get older, people will care less or have other priorities.
I always have plans or travel every year on my birthday though and I see it as an excuse to have fun or treat myself.
I care about my birthday but I’m not precious enough as an adult to assume it matters as much to others as it does to me. I don’t go out of my way for others if/when my only motivation is the assumption that they’ll reciprocate – I give what I want in accordance with what I’m able to give without reciprocation or compensation.
I’d be very lonely if I tried to live my life by your rule, but, you do you.
I normally do not give a fuck. But. My SIL once asked me for clarification on an exercise, so I sent her a video demonstration and apologized I couldn’t do more in that moment as I was heading out for my birthday dinner.
Not only did she not wish me happy birthday but she just literally never responded ever. And then about a week later I tried to follow up with her and… nothing. No response whatsoever. And then I ran into her at the store and we tried to act normal? But it was strange and I didn’t address it. But I know she still has the same number because other weirdness happened after that, that forced me to call her dozens of times as my brother didnt have his phone and it was an emergency. I’ve felt weird around her ever since and honestly try to avoid her so that’s been cool.